How am I supposed to live a "normal" life now, knowing what I know? I'm getting kind of tired of having to tone it down to "fit in." The things I used to find extremely important don't matter much anymore. Everything has been turned upside down. I am not at all who I thought I was, or who I thought I wanted to be. Very few people are, actually. It's still best for me not to talk about this stuff during casual encounters with neighbours or relatives, it's just easier to keep my mouth shut. But here, in this cyber-space, I will share what I have been going through because I know that you, the person experiencing a similar spiritual journey, is out there. Together, we are slowly creating the new normal. Let's talk about it.
Day 2:
I find myself needing more silence, more space, more stillness. Lately, I have been sitting quietly to inquire about what is bubbling deep within. Very often, what comes up is not pretty: frustration, irritation, fears, anxiety. The old me would have done anything to avoid going there. Washing the toilets was more pleasant. Now, I observe and try to release emotional discomfort as soon as I feel it inside. If I am able to go there, it's because I am starting to integrate the notion that I am not my emotions. I am the one watching the emotions. It sounds like dissociation, but it's not. It's the beginning of true sanity. Gangaji would say that if we can find peace in the midst of hell, then we are truly free. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get closer to that true freedom. What about you?
Day 3:
The construction outside my house -a loud cement truck repairing sidewalks- reminds me of the density of this 3rd dimension. There is so much more to this life than meets the eye and the senses, yet it's so incredibly easy to forget this daily. Who are we? What are we doing here? Where are we investing our precious mental and physical energy? What are our true motivations behind the things we do?
Day 4:
How frequently I forget to breathe properly! My body instantly tenses up when my breath is shallow. Deep breath now. There, that's better. Bet you did it too! :)
Day 5:
Gardening is my spiritual practice. In the silence of the garden, I am able to hear my repetitive and sometimes obsessive thoughts loud and clear. I sometimes smile, breathe, and keep on weeding with a joyful heart. Other times, I completely forget that I am not my thoughts, and gardening suddenly loses its charm! Do you have a spiritual practice?
Thanks for reading. I will be posting weekly for the next little while. Feel free to share your comments below.
Sincerely,
Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com
