I received this quote by Eckhart Tolle in my inbox today. As usual, the timing of these words of wisdom was perfect. Lately I've been thinking about my new "role" as a health coach and I have to confess, I've been feeling some pressure and apprehension. I feel like I have to disclose the following: "Yes, I'm a health coach but no, I'm not perfect!" Of course I'm sure most people realize that my life cannot be perfect all the time, but writing it helps me break free from some of the expectations I may have unfairly put onto myself. I've also been experiencing different situations with clients that made me think about my "role" and the appropriate ways a health coach should or shouldn't act. I didn't like the energy this neurotic thinking was requiring.
You see, the Institute for Integrative Nutrition gave us some clear guidelines about being professional and ethical, not crossing certain boundaries with clients, walking our talk, always being positive, dressing professionally...etc. All these notions make perfect sense to me, yet I don't want these guidelines to create a wall between me and the people I genuinely want to help. I don't want a bunch of mental concepts to guide and restrict my behaviour. That's just too heavy and it doesn't feel authentic.
But it's tricky. As much as we may not want to adopt any role, we all end up playing them. We become the mother, the father, the friend, the lover, the business person, the employee, the client...etc. Why do we do this? To protect ourselves, to set boundaries, to be in control.
The only way to not fall into a role is to distance ourselves from our thoughts, beliefs, memories, reactions and expectations. In other words, it's only when we become fully conscious and present that we are able to drop all the roles and truly be our higher Selves. Therefore when I view myself as "the health coach", I am identifying with my thoughts and beliefs about health coaches, I am deriving my identity from a mental construct, and I'm not being truly authentic. Thank you Eckhart for this insight. I'm going to mentally burn the "perfect health coach handbook" and I will try to deal with each situation with a beginners' mind, as it arises. Ah, things feel lighter already.
Eckhart Tolle's partner, Kim Eng, was asked what it was like to be in a relationship with an enlightened being. This is what she wrote:
"As long as I have the idea in my head “I have a relationship” or “I am in a relationship,” no matter with whom, I suffer. This I have learnt. With the concept of “relationship” come expectations, memories of past relationships, and further personally and culturally conditioned mental concepts of what a “relationship” should be like. Then I would try to make reality conform to these concepts. And it never does. And again I suffer. The fact of the matter is: there are no relationships. There is only the present moment, and in the moment there is only relating. How we relate, or rather how well we love, depends on how empty we are of ideas, concepts, expectations."
I don't want to build a professional relationship with clients that's pre-defined by my mental concepts and expectations. What I really want is to relate to another human being in the present moment. That frees both me and the client from the roles that were assigned to us, thus allowing the occurrence of a truly authentic human interaction.
Warmly,
Lise
