Homeschooling A Tweenager: OMG!

I love homeschooling my kids, but let's be honest, some days require more patience / presence than others, especially with a tweenager who can be extremely stubborn at times! Today was one of those days. Sigh. I guess I can't expect Emma to be fully functional after a weekend of sleepovers and celebrations with her friends until the wee hours of the morning. I'm kinda jealous actually. Lol. I take her grumpiness today with a grain of salt because I know how important it is for her to hang out with her friends. It helps me keep "the post-party mood" in perspective.

I've learned a lot from the book The Conscious Parent by Shefali Tsabary, actually. What a fantastic book for any parent! The first thing I try to remember when the kids are being difficult is to NOT take their moods, behaviours, or misconducts personally. I remind myself that they are having trouble expressing an emotion appropriately and these negative behaviours are really a call for help. I have to take a deep breath and do my best to stay present and non-reactive. I try to observe the situation as best I can and validate what my child is feeling or saying without thinking "she is doing this to provoke me, I'll show her who's the boss!" Obviously, it can be very challenging to keep our cool, especially as our children get older and become experts at pushing our buttons!

What I find works best with my kids is when I sincerely demonstrate to them that I am on their side, even though sometimes I have to be firm and make rules / set limits they don't like. I explain to them why I've made these choices and how they're ultimately for their own benefit. I might ask them what they would suggest instead as a solution to the current situation. When they feel like we are on the same team, as opposed to me just being the disciplinarian and the boss, there is much less opposition and resistance. Emma pouted for a good while today. I listened to her, gently reminded her that thoughts create emotions, then gave her some space. After about thirty minutes, she came to me in the kitchen and spontaneously gave me a big hug with a sigh of release. Aw.

The "I'm really on your team" approach leaves room for dialogue, and our kids are more likely to open up to us about what is really bothering them. Let's face it, the tantrums are always a superficial expression of a deeper emotion that wants to be expressed and resolved. That's our role as parents, to help our children through the tough times instead of abandoning them when it's inconvenient or embarrassing for us to deal with their drama.

What are some of your biggest challenges with your children? What do you think are the underlying emotions behind their strong reactions? Is there a way that you can help them navigate through these choppy waters?

Warmly,

Lise
Health Coach and Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com