Lately, I've been finding myself challenged and triggered by my soon-to-be 11 year old daughter. The biggest change I've noticed in her is her developing tweenage ego. It really got me thinking about these questions:
1-What is the purpose of having an ego, since we eventually need to tame it to become conscious?
2-Is it necessary for children to develop their egos, or can they learn to directly bypass this stage?
3-What happens to us as adults when we don't develop a "healthy" ego?
Answer #2 came to me last week, as I was watching an Eckhart Tolle video. Eckhart basically said he was unsure if children of future generations would need to develop their egos before being able to transcend them, but for now, he felt that it was still a necessary step in our evolution. He went on to say that the ego is by nature "childish" and perhaps some time in the near future, we could have some kind of ceremony to celebrate the awakening of young adults who have transcended their egos! I look forward to that...:)
This brings me back to the first question, regarding the purpose of the ego. Basically, the ego protects us when we're young and vulnerable. It acts like a protective bubble that tricks us into temporarily believing that we are a separate, isolated physical creature that would not survive if we didn't look out for ourselves. When we were helpless babies -if we were lucky- our parents took care of us and we didn't yet need the ego. We were in fact pure consciousness, without being aware of it! As we grew older and became more independent and socialized, the ego in us strengthened and aided our normal development and self-esteem. It's only once we're fully mature that we're ready to shed the cocoon of the ego and fly away as an enlightened butterfly.
The ego has a second very important purpose, and that's to provide contrast for us poor souls stuck in this world of duality. You know how it goes...if you never knew what cold felt like, you wouldn't be able to understand hot. The way to know who you really are is by knowing who you're not. Who you really are is an extension of consciousness, not all the different components of your ego-mind (thoughts, emotions, reactions...etc). Unlike animals, plants and minerals (who don't have egos), we humans get a chance to wake up and really see what this existence is all about! You can thank your ego for that.
Your ego is like a balloon. When you're a baby, the balloon is completely deflated (no ego). As you grow up, it slowly fills with air (self-awareness / consciousness), and the membrane (your ego) stretches and stretches. Eventually, as you mature, you start to see through the membrane of the balloon and you realize there is an entire universe all around the limiting membrane that holds your self-awareness and consciousness. Then what happens? You guessed it...POP! Your consciousness merges with the cosmic consciousness of the universe.
Now let's get back to my tweenage daughter with the growing ego. If Eckhart says there's no getting around her ego inflating more and more, I'm not going to argue with him, he's the boss. What I might do with the kids, however, is show them the balloon experiment, so that they have a better understanding of what's going on inside them. What do you think happens to children who are not allowed to develop a healthy ego?
That's what I discovered this week, in Eliza Mada Dalian's wonderful book called In Search of the Miraculous, Healing into Consciousness. I always thought that in order to grow in consciousness, we could simply become more aware of our ego in order to transcend it, but I was wrong! We have to actually HEAL our way into consciousness. And what do we have to heal, exactly? The parts of our ego who were underdeveloped. In other words, if our ego balloon was not stretched to its full potential, we have to go back and fix our leaks, then fill it up again so it's able to burst. I've always known of the importance of healing ourselves, but I never associated it with healing our ego!
What's really interesting is that Eliza Mada Dalian breaks up the ego's development in 7 stages that correspond to our seven Chakras:
1. Formation / Foundation of life / Root chakra
2. Strengthening / Ensuring the survival of the physical body / Hara
3. Suffering / Developing self-power and decision-making ability / Solar Plexus
4. Contemplation / Transforming instinctual lust into unconditional love / Heart
5. Introspection / Developing individuality and freedom of expression / Throat
6. Healing / Developing wisdom and intelligence and discovering your being / Third Eye
7. Transcendance / Dissolving the ego / Crown
What does this mean, exactly? Let's use an example. Angie, a smart, creative mother of two wishes to completely transcend her ego to be freed of suffering. She meditates, witnesses her ego-mind and commits herself to the process, but she feels stuck and doesn't progress without understanding why. She had a pretty normal upbringing, although her parents were very strict and demanding with her. She grew up fearing authority and she had to learn to lie and hide her true feelings and opinions to fit in.
Angie's ego-mind and consciousness did not develop normally at stage 5 -Introspection, because as a child / teen she was not encouraged to express herself without fear of being ridiculed or criticized. Her 5th chakra, located by her throat, has blockages that manifest themselves physically as chronic tonsillitis and neck + shoulder pain and inflammation. Angie is self-loathing and critical of herself and others. She's afraid to look inside, to find her truth and speak it freely. In order to heal herself and move forward, Angie will have to take a good honest look inside herself and express her true feelings in spite of her fears.
Many of us still have blockages at multiple levels, and they often manifest themselves as physical discomforts / ailments located around the area of the corresponding chakras. Physical or emotional pain is always a sure indication that something within us wants to heal into consciousness. Will we be courageous enough to give it our full love and attention? Thanks for reading!
Warmly,
Lise
Health Coach / Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com
This brings me back to the first question, regarding the purpose of the ego. Basically, the ego protects us when we're young and vulnerable. It acts like a protective bubble that tricks us into temporarily believing that we are a separate, isolated physical creature that would not survive if we didn't look out for ourselves. When we were helpless babies -if we were lucky- our parents took care of us and we didn't yet need the ego. We were in fact pure consciousness, without being aware of it! As we grew older and became more independent and socialized, the ego in us strengthened and aided our normal development and self-esteem. It's only once we're fully mature that we're ready to shed the cocoon of the ego and fly away as an enlightened butterfly.
The ego has a second very important purpose, and that's to provide contrast for us poor souls stuck in this world of duality. You know how it goes...if you never knew what cold felt like, you wouldn't be able to understand hot. The way to know who you really are is by knowing who you're not. Who you really are is an extension of consciousness, not all the different components of your ego-mind (thoughts, emotions, reactions...etc). Unlike animals, plants and minerals (who don't have egos), we humans get a chance to wake up and really see what this existence is all about! You can thank your ego for that.
Your ego is like a balloon. When you're a baby, the balloon is completely deflated (no ego). As you grow up, it slowly fills with air (self-awareness / consciousness), and the membrane (your ego) stretches and stretches. Eventually, as you mature, you start to see through the membrane of the balloon and you realize there is an entire universe all around the limiting membrane that holds your self-awareness and consciousness. Then what happens? You guessed it...POP! Your consciousness merges with the cosmic consciousness of the universe.
Now let's get back to my tweenage daughter with the growing ego. If Eckhart says there's no getting around her ego inflating more and more, I'm not going to argue with him, he's the boss. What I might do with the kids, however, is show them the balloon experiment, so that they have a better understanding of what's going on inside them. What do you think happens to children who are not allowed to develop a healthy ego?
That's what I discovered this week, in Eliza Mada Dalian's wonderful book called In Search of the Miraculous, Healing into Consciousness. I always thought that in order to grow in consciousness, we could simply become more aware of our ego in order to transcend it, but I was wrong! We have to actually HEAL our way into consciousness. And what do we have to heal, exactly? The parts of our ego who were underdeveloped. In other words, if our ego balloon was not stretched to its full potential, we have to go back and fix our leaks, then fill it up again so it's able to burst. I've always known of the importance of healing ourselves, but I never associated it with healing our ego!
What's really interesting is that Eliza Mada Dalian breaks up the ego's development in 7 stages that correspond to our seven Chakras:
1. Formation / Foundation of life / Root chakra
2. Strengthening / Ensuring the survival of the physical body / Hara
3. Suffering / Developing self-power and decision-making ability / Solar Plexus
4. Contemplation / Transforming instinctual lust into unconditional love / Heart
5. Introspection / Developing individuality and freedom of expression / Throat
6. Healing / Developing wisdom and intelligence and discovering your being / Third Eye
7. Transcendance / Dissolving the ego / Crown
What does this mean, exactly? Let's use an example. Angie, a smart, creative mother of two wishes to completely transcend her ego to be freed of suffering. She meditates, witnesses her ego-mind and commits herself to the process, but she feels stuck and doesn't progress without understanding why. She had a pretty normal upbringing, although her parents were very strict and demanding with her. She grew up fearing authority and she had to learn to lie and hide her true feelings and opinions to fit in.
Angie's ego-mind and consciousness did not develop normally at stage 5 -Introspection, because as a child / teen she was not encouraged to express herself without fear of being ridiculed or criticized. Her 5th chakra, located by her throat, has blockages that manifest themselves physically as chronic tonsillitis and neck + shoulder pain and inflammation. Angie is self-loathing and critical of herself and others. She's afraid to look inside, to find her truth and speak it freely. In order to heal herself and move forward, Angie will have to take a good honest look inside herself and express her true feelings in spite of her fears.
Many of us still have blockages at multiple levels, and they often manifest themselves as physical discomforts / ailments located around the area of the corresponding chakras. Physical or emotional pain is always a sure indication that something within us wants to heal into consciousness. Will we be courageous enough to give it our full love and attention? Thanks for reading!
Warmly,
Lise
Health Coach / Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com
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