Accompanying my teenager for a shopping hangout at the mall today was certainly fun and entertaining, but at the same time, my spirit felt engulfed in a material, disconnected world of individuality and consumerism. I often feel like I'm living in two very different and opposing realities. For me, the mall is a little bit like a candy shop for the ego. Everwhere I looked, the message seemed to be "Shop, so that you may acquire things that will make you feel better and increase your self-worth!" Of course, I kept these thoughts to myself and just enjoyed the experience as much as I could, because I realise that my bonding opportunities with Emma are conditional to me not acting like a crazy, uncool, moralizing mom in public. I think the Art of being a good parent is sometimes about dropping subtle hints here and there. NEVER let them figure out you're trying to teach them something! :) I hope that Emma eventually sees that most of us are walking through life in a trance-like state, unable to separate our own true desires from those that were imposed upon us by a consumerist society. What we're really after can't be bought at the mall.
Day 2:
Some people love social media. I'm not one of those people. I question my motives for every facebook post I write. I even struggled with the idea of writing this spiritual diary. Am I seeking validation for something? Do I have a need for creative expression? Do I want to be seen, or heard? Do I need an outlet for an overwhelming emotion? Are there any benefits to sharing my thoughts and experiences in public? Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. I am challenging myself to be more open and transparent about my spiritual journey, and that includes these sometimes neurotic thoughts. If my ego is at the root of this diary, at least I plan on exposing it. There it is again, self versus Self. I can only laugh!
Day 3:
How easily I forget that the external world cannot possibly give me what I crave the most: inner-peace. It is already here, buried under layers and layers of illusions. It is what I am.
Day 4:
As I watch people go about their day doing various activities -mowing their lawns, walking their dogs, shopping for groceries - I can see by their facial expressions when they are deeply engaged and lost in their thoughts. I smile, because I too, know this condition all too well. I am reminded to ask myself "will my mind be the servant, or the master today?"
Day 5:
I was chatting outside with a very spiritually aware neighbour when another neighbour walked by with her dog. Somehow, after just a few seconds, the conversation arrived at a point where she said "we were all born with sin, unfortunately we can't change that." My spiritually aware neighbour's reaction was priceless! He just responded with a loud "OK!" of complete disbelief as if he was saying "alright, I guess that's what you believe, not me!" Then he looked at me and we had a good chuckle. What a moment that was for me. In that second, he showed me how to completely disagree with someone while at the same time remaining polite, respectful and lighthearted. A few minutes later, he told me "I just wasn't going to go there with her." If he hadn't had that quick reaction, I probably would have just politely listened to her without voicing my personal perspective. That's just what I've learned to do to "blend in" over the years. Most of the time it's just not worth it. Today, that reaction was perfect. It inspired me.
Sincerely,
Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com
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