When the Steam is About to Blow...

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Part Three:

Practical Solutions When the Steam is About To Blow

Part 2 of this article was about what we can do to help our loved ones through an emotional storm. We went over the following five points:

1) Start by teaching and practising prevention of negative emotional states;

2) Understand the real cause behind any emotional upset;

3) Address the internal, emotional problem first;

4) Remember to anchor yourself, don't take things personally, and

5) Be a catalyst for healing

If you've read parts one and two of this article, you will probably know the answer to this question: what is the best and only way to permanently release our negative emotions?

The Best Way to Deal with Negative Emotions

The answer is to face them consciously. That means fully feeling the emotions without adding more thoughts to them. It means observing and breathing out this wave of emotional energy as it passes through our body. Instead of trying to change it, attempting to escape from it, hiding it from ourselves or blaming it on external causes, we simply sit with it, surrender the uncomfortable emotions and let them go. This process of releasing can sometimes be over in just a matter of minutes, and the end result of consistently letting go of these toxic emotions will completely heal your life. It's extremely beneficial to practice this technique daily, either for minor annoyances or for deep wounds -but having access to a safe space is preferable in this case. Once the emotions have been released, it’s helpful to make a conscious decision to focus on something uplifting afterwards.

The Letting Go Upgrade

The letting go technique is surprisingly simple and powerfully effective, yet we have been conditioned to follow the “seek pleasure and avoid pain at all costs” program. When we become more conscious, we discover that we have the possibility to re-write our programming. If you’re reading this, you have already been upgrading from “Survival 101” to “Thriving 007.” You rock!

The Fine Print

BUT. When deep, dark and heavy negative emotions are stirred up, practising the letting go technique requires a safe, intimate, space. You can imagine how awkward and inappropriate it would be to "let go" in the middle of a conference call with your colleagues, in line at the grocery store or during an exam. Maybe the day will come when the world becomes so conscious that it will be socially acceptable for everyone to practice this technique in public, but until that day comes, we also need some other, less disruptive strategies to help us deal with our darkest pain -when it shows up in public!

Socially Appropriate Substitutes

If you are a parent, a teacher, or even a human being wanting to effectively release negative emotions (because we all know that parents and teachers have a certain super-human quality), you will soon discover that finding a balance between the authentic letting go technique and a more socially appropriate substitute is truly an Art. How deeply will you be able to facilitate healing while at the same time remaining practical and realistic about the environment you are currently in? Sometimes, the best we can offer is a band-aid solution, a temporary fix, but if this is done consciously, then it’s better than many alternatives - such as shaming our loved ones for the way they feel, or forcing them to suppress emotions. Also, when dealing with children who are not your own, it may be best to avoid diving in too deeply into the source of their pain, especially if there is a history of trauma.

So what are some socially appropriate substitutes to the letting go technique?


Physical Space 
Sometimes, just having a little physical space to process discomfort can go a long way. If at all possible, allow your loved one to sit quietly in a calm and comfortable area. Let them breathe it out with their eyes closed. You can remind them to just watch what is happening inside them without resisting it, or feeding it more mental energy. Gently show your support by stating that, as uncomfortable as they might feel, negative emotions are important because they give valuable feedback. You can help them verbalize their emotions and thoughts if they are open to that.

Baby Steps
When access to a quieter space is not possible, or when it's not appropriate to fully feel and release the motherload of negative emotions, you can focus on a single aspect of what's causing the discomfort (as opposed to diving deeply into it). Try to let that single thing go and then use any of the distraction ideas below to move on. For example, if you are heartbroken about a relationship ending, pick a single thing about that person you are able to let go of (such as taking walks together at lunch time). Fully feel the pain related to that specific situation, release it, and then focus on something else.

Distractions
As most of us already know very well, distraction is our best friend when it comes to avoiding our pain. Sometimes it's OK to consciously choose distraction, and we can use it as a tool with our loved ones when their environment is not appropriate for deep healing. Some great distractions are: taking a break, playing a game, having a snack, engaging in some kind of physical activity, going for a walk, listening to music, having a good laugh, talking to a friend, thinking about your latest or greatest success, noticing what's right, or doing something creative.

Beyond Emotions

Emotions and thoughts are important, but as we raise our consciousness, we start to understand that who - or what - we are, transcends even our thoughts and emotions. Ironically, as our awareness increases and we become more detached from the thoughts and emotions we used to derive our sense of identity from, the emotions we experience become increasingly positive. Why? Because as we release our negative baggage, our level of consciousness increases, and we become a match to the higher frequencies on the scale of emotions : which are all the positive emotions! Denying the presence of our negative emotions by merely thinking positively actually keeps us trapped in lower negative states. There is much healing to be done in this world, my friends, so now that we know how to help ourselves and others to release negative emotions, let's get started!

More resources:

• A short story and relaxation meditation that teaches kids how to manage their strong negative emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson D.

• A short story and fun activity that teaches kids about the scale of emotions and how they can self-regulate their emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson E.

• A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the three reasons why their thoughts are so powerful: Conscious Kids, Lesson F.

• A short story and empowering activity that teaches kids how to turn any negative situation into a positive affirmation: Conscious Kids, Lesson H.

• A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the nature of their negative emotions, as well as what triggers them: Conscious Kids, Lesson L.

• A short story and practical activity that teaches kids about three choices they always have that allow them to keep their cool in any situation: Conscious Kids, Lesson M.

• A short story and powerful activity that teaches kids how to release their negative feelings: Conscious Kids, Lesson U.

Do you know of other techniques or strategies that work well to manage strong negative emotions? Don't hesitate to share them in the comments below! Thanks so much for reading!

Warm regards,

Lise Villeneuve

Creator of Conscious Kids

www.lisevilleneuve.com

How To Help Our Loved Ones During a Crisis

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part Two:

Helping Our Loved Ones Through an Emotional Storm

In Part 1 of this article, we reviewed the following five points:

1) All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important, especially the negative ones!

2) To instantly have a good idea of where you are on the scale of emotions, simply notice how you are feeling in your body.

3) Everyone can learn to move themselves up the scale of emotions by choosing better-feeling thoughts or actions, or by releasing pent-up emotions.

4) Don’t try to escape or ignore negative emotions, even if they are often inconvenient and uncomfortable. They are sending you an important message. Make the appropriate changes and move on.

5) Don’t get sucked in. Negativity is highly addictive and contagious, so don’t dwell there too long. Be aware of the secret pleasurable payoff our egos get from negativity.

It's Not What You Think!

Understanding and practising these five essential points about emotions will already bring us a huge sense of empowerment and well-being. It's important to educate ourselves - and especially our children about emotional literacy, because many would-be emotional outbursts can be prevented simply by applying these five life-changing principles. As radical as this might sound to many, we have much more control over the way we feel than we might think. Emotional resilience and self-regulation are skills that can be learned and perfected. When we have the courage to work through our emotions consciously, the end result is invulnerability and imperturbability. These are definitely enviable assets in such a volatile and unpredictable world.

What can we do?

This next section is all about helping our loved ones through their tough emotions. How can we help them prevent outbursts? What is the true cause of an emotional crisis? When a storm hits, what can we do to make it easier for them? What attitudes should we adopt? What is going on internally and externally?

1.   Teach and Practice Prevention First

If we can increase our awareness of where we find ourselves on the scale of emotions at any given moment - and we learn how to catch ourselves when we are headed towards a negative spiral - we can adjust our thoughts and actions accordingly and maybe even avoid a crisis. The key is to practice this technique when we are feeling calm and centered, or when we are not completely emotionally overwhelmed. If we get to that point of overwhelm, then it's often too late to turn things around and avoid a crash because the negative emotions have built up too much momentum. So when it's too late for prevention, or when life unexpectedly hits us or our loved ones with a major challenge, what's the best way to deal with an emotional storm?

2. Understand the Real Cause

It’s crucial to understand the real cause behind any emotional upset. This will probably surprise and maybe even shock a few people. You have been warned! The ego will not like this one bit. It will strongly resist, but try to keep an open mind. As surprising as this may sound, the true source, or cause, of all our feelings (positive and negative) is always internal and not external. In other words, people or circumstances can’t make us feel anything unless those emotions are already present inside us. This is best explained by the brilliant psychiatrist Dr. David Hawkins, who wrote:

"The rationalizing mind prefers to keep the true causes of emotions out of awareness and utilizes the mechanism of projection to do this. It blames events or other people for "causing" a feeling and views itself as the helpless innocent victim of external causes. "They made me angry." "He got me upset." "It scared me." "World events are the cause of my anxiety." Actually, it's the exact opposite. The suppressed and repressed feelings seek an outlet and utilize the events as triggers and excuses to vent themselves. We are like pressure-cookers ready to release steam when the opportunity arises. Our triggers are set and ready to go off. In psychiatry, this mechanism is called displacement. It is because we are angry that events "make" us angry. If, through constant surrendering, we have let go of the pent-up store of anger, it is very difficult and, in fact, even impossible for anyone or any situation to "make" us angry. The same, therefore, goes for all other negative feelings once they have been surrendered."

What happens in the case of an emotional crisis is that a trigger (often external) taps into a major area of suppressed or repressed (unconscious) feelings. This can create a sense of overload to the conscious mind. Strong emotions, accompanied by irrational behaviours sometimes follow.

3.   Address the Internal Problem First

What does this mean? It means that we have to own our feelings. It means that we are 100% responsible for the way we feel inside, and there is no point in blaming anyone or anything. However, this does not mean that we have to fully agree and accept everything. We are free to speak up, to act and to fix the problems "out there", but we will have much greater power to do so if we fix our emotional wounds "in here" first. We can firmly demand change without being stuck and blinded by our own anger, rage, or hatred. Once we understand this for ourselves, we can help our loved ones untangle their internal and external issues. Let me explain...

If our child or our friend feels intense emotional discomfort, there are likely two factors to consider, or two facets to work on simultaneously:  the possible external triggers - or problems they have to deal with (a bully, a break up, getting fired...etc) and their internal emotional state (fear, low self-esteem, anxiety...etc). There are really two issues going on: their internal pain, and the trigger, or the external problem. We are conditioned to believe that the problem has caused the internal emotional pain, but remember that it has only aggravated it, not caused it. You might be able to work through the internal and external issues simultaneously, but the first priority should be to acknowledge and validate the feelings your loved one is experiencing, then allow them to calm down. Help them verbally express what they are feeling. You can say something like "I can see that you are feeling some________ and this must be difficult for you. Take a minute to breathe, calm down, and then we'll talk about it."

4.   Remember, It’s Not About You

The first question to ask ourselves when a loved one is having an emotional outburst is "do I really want to help my child / student / friend, or do I want to be right and appear to be in control?" At first, the answer might seem obvious, but beware! Strong negative emotions are highly contagious and if you’re not anchored in awareness right from the start, your ego might begin to take things personally and feel threatened. You don’t want to get triggered too, because that will complicate the situation even more. So if you really want to help, be willing to accept a bruised ego. Things will likely get messy, so take a deep breath, stay present, and remain as neutral and calm as possible. Remember, no matter what - despite the hurtful words or disrespectful behaviours that may be coming your way - that in the midst of their outburst, it's really not about you. They might be projecting their negative feelings onto you, but it's really about them dealing with overwhelming emotions. It's about them losing control and needing help to find clarity again. It's about them crying for help in a desperate way, because in that moment, they just don't know what else to do. Try to calm them down and show them that you understand what they are feeling. Try to "be on their side” as much as possible and help them to manage their raw, uncensored feelings.

5.   Accept What Has Happened

Many times, when people act in ways we don’t approve of, we think to ourselves something along the lines of "they SHOULD have known better than to act this way." This kind of thinking is not helpful or even true, because the fact is, they have already acted out. Despite the judgements we often have about others, everyone is always trying to do the best they can at any given moment. If they could have acted in a more appropriate way, they would have, but they didn’t. Human behaviours and emotions are complex, and very often, we are driven by unconscious drives. So focus on what is right here, right now. Help your loved one get back to a place of emotional balance, and then you can give consequences for the bad behaviours – but you can do this without being angry. This is no time to desert, ignore or shame the ones we love, as tempting as it might be for our egos to show them ‘who’s the boss.’ Hopefully next time, things will be better.

6.   Be a Catalyst For Healing
One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is to help them release those heavy, suppressed negative emotions that have been a burden for far too long. This emotional pain we all carry negatively affects our energy, our health, our creativity and our overall well-being. The only way to permanently release negative emotions is to face them consciously. So the next time a crisis happens under your watch, you have a choice. You can either consider it an inconvenience and a nuisance, telling your loved ones to “get their act together” and push those feelings way back down again, or you can help them heal. You can teach them how to release those feelings; you can offer them clarity and compassion; you can guide them through the discomfort so that they come out of the storm lighter and brighter. What an empowering act of Love! 

    In Part 3, I will give you practical tools and techniques to release negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom. In the meantime, you will find plenty of resources on my website: www.lisevilleneuve.com

Thanks for reading!

Lise

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Why do we feel emotions? What is their purpose? Is it really possible to teach kids how to self-regulate their moods? How should we deal with the tantrums and meltdowns caused by negative emotions? How should we manage our own negative emotions that feel so uncomfortable? In this 3-part article about emotional intelligence, we will explore all these questions, and much more.

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part one: 

Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Most of us have been conditioned to love and value our positive emotions, but we avoid our negative emotions like the plague! We run away from them, we hide them from ourselves, we project them onto other people, and we even feel ashamed or guilty when these negative emotions catch up with us. Why do we do this? Nobody can feel only positive emotions all the time, so we should give ourselves a break. We’re only human, and that means we get to experience the full spectrum of emotions: positive and negative. (Below is Robert Plutchik's wheel of emotions).

As promised, here are the Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions:

1. All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important -especially the negative ones! They are not "wrong" and nobody should feel guilty or ashamed about the way they feel. Remember that our feelings and our behaviours are two different things. You can correct behaviours without shaming the feelings behind them.

2. Emotions are at the heart of our internal guidance system. Feelings create thousands of thoughts, and these thoughts then generate more feelings and emotions. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. Our emotions are directly transferred and felt in our body. Positive emotions will make us feel good, relaxed, open, energized and inspired, whereas negative emotions will make us feel tense, constricted, closed, lethargic, sluggish and drained. So by paying attention to the way you feel in your body, (open or closed, good or bad) you’ll always know if you’re in a positive or negative emotional state. How do you feel now?

3. The emotional states we experience are not random at all. Emotions have been classified in a scale of emotions, from the lowest states to the highest. It's very difficult to make a sudden jump from the lower levels (such as depression) directly to the highest levels (such as optimism or joy), or the other way around. Our emotional states fluctuate during the day, gradually moving up or down the scale. Here’s the good news! We can change how we feel with our thoughts, our actions and our focus. To do this, we just need to reach for a better-feeling thought, or an action that will bring us joy. Try it now. Think about something that makes you smile. Breathe in that feeling. You have just moved yourself up one notch on the scale of emotions! It’s very simple. If we learn to pay attention to how we’re feeling in our body at any given moment –and we do our best to keep ourselves up in the more positive range of emotions on the scale, we won’t suddenly be ambushed by strong negative feelings. However, when the negative emotions do show up, that’s ok! They serve a very important purpose and they should not be ignored.

4. Negative emotions tell us when we're off track, or out of alignment with the wisdom of our higher-Selves. Negative emotions are like a wake-up call. They are telling us that we are now quite low on the scale of emotions and it would be wise to slowly climb back up by either changing our actions or our thoughts. It’s also possible that some old unresolved emotions have been stirred up again. If that’s the case, we can decide if we’d like to work on releasing those suppressed emotions, or if the timing is not appropriate, we can shift our focus to better-feeling thoughts or actions and come back to these at a later time.

5. Everyone experiences negative emotions sooner or later, but we don’t have to stay stuck in negativity. Beware! Negativity can be highly addictive and contagious, so you don’t want to dwell there. It’s addictive because it offers a secret, pleasurable payoff to the ego. Unchecked, it will quickly pick up momentum and generate more negativity. Remember: the purpose of negative emotions is to make us aware that we are heading in the wrong direction, or that something needs to be released if we want to move forward and feel good again. Once we have gotten the message and made the appropriate changes, we can start to move back up the scale of emotions to a better-feeling state. Sometimes –like in the case of grief, or severe depression, the healing process can take some time, so we have to be patient with ourselves. Having an attitude of surrender and acceptance of whatever feelings we are experiencing accelerates the process. If we resist our negative feelings, we can’t heal them, because we’re just trying to escape. Instead, these feelings have to be willingly released. I will be giving more details about releasing negative feelings in the following sections.

In short:

1)     All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important, especially the negative ones!

2)    To instantly have a good idea of where you are on the scale of emotions, simply notice how you are feeling in your body. Feeling good / open means you are experiencing positive emotions (#7 and up on the scale), feeling any kind of tension or resistance means you are experiencing negative emotions (#8 and down on the scale).

3)     Everyone can learn to move themselves up the scale of emotions by choosing better-feeling thoughts or actions, or by releasing pent-up emotions.

4)     Don’t try to escape or ignore negative emotions, even if they are often inconvenient and uncomfortable. They are sending you an important message. Make the appropriate changes and move on.

5)     Don’t get sucked in. Negativity is highly addictive and contagious, so don’t dwell there too long. Be aware of the secret pleasurable payoff our egos get from negativity. Nevertheless, it feels much better to be in a state of joy and peace. Anyone can get there. It just takes a little will and courage.

Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3. In part 2, we’ll discuss what you can do to help a loved one navigate through an emotional storm. Part 3 is all about practical tools and techniques to help you deal with negative emotions at home, at work or in the classroom.

In the meantime, if you’d like some extra resources to teach children about emotional intelligence (mindfulness), I’ve written a complete program called Conscious Kids / Enfants Lucides. The lessons are taught through creative short stories, followed by fun activities that can be done at home or in the classroom. 

Level 1 covers:

- The relationship between thoughts and emotions;

- How to move ourselves up the scale of emotions;

- How to deal with strong negative emotions, and more. 

Thanks for reading! Coming soon is Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm.

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

My Spiritual Diary: Week 2

Day 1:

Accompanying my teenager for a shopping hangout at the mall today was certainly fun and entertaining, but at the same time, my spirit felt engulfed in a material, disconnected world of individuality and consumerism. I often feel like I'm living in two very different and opposing realities. For me, the mall is a little bit like a candy shop for the ego. Everwhere I looked, the message seemed to be "Shop, so that you may acquire things that will make you feel better and increase your self-worth!" Of course, I kept these thoughts to myself and just enjoyed the experience as much as I could, because I realise that my bonding opportunities with Emma are conditional to me not acting like a crazy, uncool, moralizing mom in public. I think the Art of being a good parent is sometimes about dropping subtle hints here and there. NEVER let them figure out you're trying to teach them something! :) I hope that Emma eventually sees that most of us are walking through life in a trance-like state, unable to separate our own true desires from those that were imposed upon us by a consumerist society. What we're really after can't be bought at the mall.

Day 2:

Some people love social media. I'm not one of those people. I question my motives for every facebook post I write. I even struggled with the idea of writing this spiritual diary. Am I seeking validation for something? Do I have a need for creative expression? Do I want to be seen, or heard? Do I need an outlet for an overwhelming emotion? Are there any benefits to sharing my thoughts and experiences in public? Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. I am challenging myself to be more open and transparent about my spiritual journey, and that includes these sometimes neurotic thoughts. If my ego is at the root of this diary, at least I plan on exposing it. There it is again, self versus Self. I can only laugh!

Day 3:

How easily I forget that the external world cannot possibly give me what I crave the most: inner-peace. It is already here, buried under layers and layers of illusions. It is what I am.

Day 4:

As I watch people go about their day doing various activities -mowing their lawns, walking their dogs, shopping for groceries - I can see by their facial expressions when they are deeply engaged and lost in their thoughts. I smile, because I too, know this condition all too well. I am reminded to ask myself "will my mind be the servant, or the master today?"

Day 5:

I was chatting outside with a very spiritually aware neighbour when another neighbour walked by with her dog. Somehow, after just a few seconds, the conversation arrived at a point where she said "we were all born with sin, unfortunately we can't change that." My spiritually aware neighbour's reaction was priceless! He just responded with a loud "OK!" of complete disbelief as if he was saying "alright, I guess that's what you believe, not me!" Then he looked at me and we had a good chuckle. What a moment that was for me. In that second, he showed me how to completely disagree with someone while at the same time remaining polite, respectful and lighthearted. A few minutes later, he told me "I just wasn't going to go there with her." If he hadn't had that quick reaction, I probably would have just politely listened to her without voicing my personal perspective. That's just what I've learned to do to "blend in" over the years. Most of the time it's just not worth it. Today, that reaction was perfect. It inspired me.

Sincerely,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

What I Saw Broke My Heart Today...

Photo Credit

Today I witnessed something that truly broke my heart. I was at the grocery store focusing on different kinds of Naan bread, to be exact, when I heard a woman next to me harshly yelling at her two or three year old son who was sitting at the front of the cart. She said "No, you're not allowed to touch that, now I have to bring it back and take another one." She then gave the little boy not just one, but three hard slaps on his left shoulder. Tears were rolling down the infant's big cheeks, as he was holding his shoulder in pain.

When the (pregnant) mother left to go grab another one of whatever it was her child had touched, the little boy looked at me and it's as though I could feel his despair all through my body. His little brown eyes were saying "help me, what's going on, why I am being punished, what have I done, am I bad?" My heart ached for him, and to be honest, I just instinctively wanted to rescue him and shower him with love and affection. The mom came back and off they went, but I could still hear that boy crying across the store for the entire duration of our shopping trip.

I asked myself what I could do (besides sending love and light to that child and his mother). I could give the mom my phone number and offer to babysit her boy once in awhile in order to allow her to get the proper rest and care she needs, but there's a strong chance that would insult and make her defensive. I could call the police (social services), but that wouldn't solve anything in the long term, and the sad thing is I'm sure there are cases that are much, much worse than what I witnessed today. So I decided to at least write about it.

What I feel towards the mom is compassion, because I know she can only operate from her current level of consciousness. If she were able to act differently, she would have, but many unconscious conditionings are still at work within her. Perhaps her own parents treated her this way. She is probably completely unaware that the anger she felt and directed towards a helpless child comes from deep within her, not from her son's behaviour. Nobody can make us feel anything unless that emotion is already present inside us. The many triggers in our lives make us react, they remind us that we have inner-wounds, but they are not the real cause of our feelings. They show us exactly where we have some healing to do. Nobody's perfect, but we can always strive to do better.

I know that beyond all the madness and cruelty of this world, everything is in Divine perfect order when it is perceived from a higher perspective. Nothing is random, including the family a soul chooses to incarnate in. Still, it's excruciatingly painful to watch beautiful, radiant, innocent, helpless children be the recipients of anything less than Love. My wish is that all parents make a committed effort to become as conscious as possible, for the sake of their own children.

Warmly,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

"No, I Won't Pick Up My Toys!"

As I sit down to write this blog, I hear the loud, whining moan of a siren coming from my son's fire truck a few feet away from me. Ah, yes, the perfect soundtrack for inspiration! I guess I am blessed, once again, with an opportunity to practice non-resistance of what is. Our children are really little gurus in disguise, even though it's hard to admit it at times.

We only react negatively towards our children (or anyone) when we fall into unconsciousness ourselves. When we realize that the unconscious behaviours of others is what triggers our own unconsciousness, then we can stop taking things so personally. "He did this to push my buttons, she did something unforgivable, unacceptable." Awareness allows us to see things in a more neutral perspective, as an observer who is not as personally invested in the challenging situation.

For example, if I ask Théo to pick up his toys and he starts to shout "no, I won't pick up my toys!", my ego might immediately feel threatened and think "how dare this little boy question my authority? I am the parent, I am in control and if my child doesn't do exactly as I say, I am failing as a mother." These unconscious thoughts might cause me to start feeling powerless and angry, and instead of keeping my cool and explaining calmly to Théo what the consequence of his actions would be (such as taking the toys away for a certain time if they are not picked up), I might fall further into unconsciousness myself. I could start yelling, or I might decide to withdraw from the situation completely, ignoring his defiant behaviour and therefore reinforcing a disobedient attitude next time.

For the record, Théo is still playing nicely at the moment, his temper tantrum was just a fictional example. He would NOT be happy with me spreading rumours about him on Blogger like that! ;)

Parenting is hard! I mean, our kids challenge us constantly, and we usually have a split second to react. It's obviously much easier to just get angry than to stop, breathe and think "the unconsciouness in my child is triggering my own unconsciousness. Can I stay calm and objective in this situation without feeling threatened, insulted, hurt or disappointed by my child? If my child was fully conscious, he / she probably wouldn't be acting this way. Can I help him / her navigate through these feelings without taking things personally as a parent?" Yeah, that just doesn't come naturally most of the time! Eckhart Tolle never had children, either. ;)

We can`t expect ourselves to always have this awareness, but we can certainly keep practising every day and pat ourselves on the back when we DO succeed. Do you have an example of a challenging situation with someone where you were able to stay fully present and aware? What happened?

Have a great weekend!

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com