The ONE Thing To Know...

-Mindfulness Bites-

Mindfulness or Mindlessness?

By Lise Villeneuve

If you asked me to share just one simple mindfulness concept with you, this would be it. What I’m about to explain is so basic and so simple, yet it has the potential to completely transform your life by freeing you from so much unnecessary suffering. Are you ready to hear it? First, imagine you had an app or a device that could automatically track, identify and record every single one of your thoughts (I know it’s just a matter of time before such a thing exists!) How many thoughts do you think you would approximately have each day? Scientists tell us we think an average of 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day -that’s 35 to 48 thoughts per minute! They also estimate that about 80% of our thoughts are mostly negative. Imagine if we had such an app that tracked all our mental chatter. What do you think we would learn from closely monitoring our thoughts?

Can we control our thoughts?

First, I think the vast majority of us would be amazed at how truly unaware we are of our thoughts. We would be so surprised to review all the things we’ve been telling ourselves in a day: all the little stories we cling to, the judgements, the fears, the beliefs, the assumptions, as well as our hopes, dreams and positive thoughts. It would be quite an eye-opener to see the contents of our minds in one day, but I think what would shock us the most would be the realization that our thoughts are so random and extremely repetitive. We would eventually come to the conclusion that despite what we may believe, we have very little control over our thoughts. If you don’t believe me, sit quietly for five minutes and observe your mental chatter. Can you control it?

Can we control our emotions?

What do you think is the second major thing we would learn from using a device that could instantly show us our thoughts? We would see that what we think directly influences how we feel. Our thoughts generate emotions, and in turn, our emotions give rise to more thoughts, then round and round the cycle goes. If our device showed us we were stuck in negative thinking patterns, then we would immediately make the connection between our dark thoughts and our bad mood, or our discomfort. But here’s the kicker: negative thinking patterns don’t just include self-critical thoughts. They include any thoughts that argue with reality. You know, the thoughts we have that resist what is, the thoughts that fight against what has already happened. The shoulds and shouldn’t haves of our minds. We all have them.

I can't believe she did that...

If our app could clearly show us the thoughts that fight with what is, we would immediately understand how much stress they cause us. “She should or shouldn’t have said that.” We would see how such thoughts - regardless if they are true or not - completely rob us of our natural state of peace and well being. We would notice how much energy we waste by clinging to these thoughts and stories that end up making us feel miserable. With the extra awareness and clarity provided by our device, we could look at any one of our thoughts that argue with what is, such as “He should or shouldn’t have done that” and we could then ask ourselves “when I cling to this thought, how does it make me feel?” What does that feel like in my body? Try it now. Think of a recent situation when you felt irritated, frustrated, sad or angry. What were you telling yourself? How did that make you feel?

After having identified the type of stress, discomfort and resistance created in your body from having focused on that particular thought or story, the next logical step would be to ask: “How would I feel - who would I be - if I didn’t have that thought, or if it never came to my mind?” Again, it doesn’t matter if the thought or story are true, justified or not. How would you feel if you simply didn’t entertain that thought?

Does positive thinking work?

Of course if it weren’t for our neurotic minds, we would all be in a permanent state of bliss. Our challenge is to end the war with our minds, to accept what is - including our compulsive thoughts and our mental stories. And how can we do this? By meeting our fearful, jealous, angry, depressed and resistant thoughts with understanding and compassion. Simply pushing our negative thoughts away or replacing them with positive thoughts doesn’t work. That’s like a band-aid solution: it’s superficial and it prevents us from deeply healing our psychological wounds. We all carry these wounds. Here’s the good news: our negativity can be a blessing because it shows us the parts of ourselves that need our attention, care and compassion. So we have two choices. We can either remain attached to our thoughts and stories and consequently have to deal with the suffering they cause us, or we can sincerely investigate them, learn what they are trying to teach us about ourselves and grow. Mindfulness teaches us how to do this inquiry. It encourages us to become lovers of what is. This is the most direct path to inner peace and freedom.

Putting up with people's B.S.

Investigating our stressful thoughts - especially recurrent thoughts like the ones that make us feel confused, frustrated, sad, angry or any other negative emotion, doesn’t mean we have to put up with people’s B.S. It doesn’t mean we can’t act or initiate change, and it doesn’t invalidate our feelings or our experiences. Sometimes we falsely believe that by holding on to anger, resentments or worry, we remain in control, or we teach others a lesson. But what really happens is that we block off our own energy by holding on to this toxic negativity. Questioning our stressful thoughts doesn’t mean we have to take all the blame, admit defeat or let others walk all over us. So what is the purpose of inquiry?

A person or situation can't make us feel anything

Inquiry simply bring us back to a state of peace, calm and clarity by examining the direct connection between what we are telling ourselves and what we are feeling. It’s never a situation or a person that make us feel anything. It’s always our thoughts about the situation or the person. This is excellent news, because we have the ability to question our thoughts, to meet them with understanding and to become more aware of their power over us. Questioning our thinking helps us release those negative emotions that hold us down, it removes confusion and it gives us peace of mind. It is from this new place of clarity that the best solutions to our problems and conflicts naturally arise. We can now take action without being angry, sad, confused or fearful.

3 questions that will change your life...

We may not have an app to help us track our thoughts yet, but that’s OK, because we have our negative emotions to help us out. They are like our alarm signal that lets us know it’s time to question our thoughts. It’s time for inquiry: what am I thinking right now? (specifically identify your stressful thought, write it down if you can) How do I feel when I think that? (identify your emotions and notice where you feel any body sensations) How would I feel if I didn’t have that thought? (specifically describe how you think you would feel) These questions might seem obvious or simplistic and you might be tempted to just dismiss them, but if you try them out, you will immediately understand their value. These questions were inspired by The Work of Byron Katie. There are a few more steps we can take to get the most out of inquiry, but for now, focusing on these three questions is more than enough.

Bring on the negative thoughts...

There is no need to try and stop, change or eliminate our negative thoughts, because they are our teachers. They show us the patterns that hold us back and keep us trapped in suffering. All that is required is to notice our thoughts, to meet them with compassion and to allow, welcome and release the emotions they stir up. That, my friends is what I wanted to share with you. Inquiry will truly set you free.

Sincerely,

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

When the Steam is About to Blow...

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom.

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Part Three:

Practical Solutions When the Steam is About To Blow

Part 2 of this article was about what we can do to help our loved ones through an emotional storm. We went over the following five points:

1) Start by teaching and practising prevention of negative emotional states;

2) Understand the real cause behind any emotional upset;

3) Address the internal, emotional problem first;

4) Remember to anchor yourself, don't take things personally, and

5) Be a catalyst for healing

If you've read parts one and two of this article, you will probably know the answer to this question: what is the best and only way to permanently release our negative emotions?

The Best Way to Deal with Negative Emotions

The answer is to face them consciously. That means fully feeling the emotions without adding more thoughts to them. It means observing and breathing out this wave of emotional energy as it passes through our body. Instead of trying to change it, attempting to escape from it, hiding it from ourselves or blaming it on external causes, we simply sit with it, surrender the uncomfortable emotions and let them go. This process of releasing can sometimes be over in just a matter of minutes, and the end result of consistently letting go of these toxic emotions will completely heal your life. It's extremely beneficial to practice this technique daily, either for minor annoyances or for deep wounds -but having access to a safe space is preferable in this case. Once the emotions have been released, it’s helpful to make a conscious decision to focus on something uplifting afterwards.

The Letting Go Upgrade

The letting go technique is surprisingly simple and powerfully effective, yet we have been conditioned to follow the “seek pleasure and avoid pain at all costs” program. When we become more conscious, we discover that we have the possibility to re-write our programming. If you’re reading this, you have already been upgrading from “Survival 101” to “Thriving 007.” You rock!

The Fine Print

BUT. When deep, dark and heavy negative emotions are stirred up, practising the letting go technique requires a safe, intimate, space. You can imagine how awkward and inappropriate it would be to "let go" in the middle of a conference call with your colleagues, in line at the grocery store or during an exam. Maybe the day will come when the world becomes so conscious that it will be socially acceptable for everyone to practice this technique in public, but until that day comes, we also need some other, less disruptive strategies to help us deal with our darkest pain -when it shows up in public!

Socially Appropriate Substitutes

If you are a parent, a teacher, or even a human being wanting to effectively release negative emotions (because we all know that parents and teachers have a certain super-human quality), you will soon discover that finding a balance between the authentic letting go technique and a more socially appropriate substitute is truly an Art. How deeply will you be able to facilitate healing while at the same time remaining practical and realistic about the environment you are currently in? Sometimes, the best we can offer is a band-aid solution, a temporary fix, but if this is done consciously, then it’s better than many alternatives - such as shaming our loved ones for the way they feel, or forcing them to suppress emotions. Also, when dealing with children who are not your own, it may be best to avoid diving in too deeply into the source of their pain, especially if there is a history of trauma.

So what are some socially appropriate substitutes to the letting go technique?


Physical Space 
Sometimes, just having a little physical space to process discomfort can go a long way. If at all possible, allow your loved one to sit quietly in a calm and comfortable area. Let them breathe it out with their eyes closed. You can remind them to just watch what is happening inside them without resisting it, or feeding it more mental energy. Gently show your support by stating that, as uncomfortable as they might feel, negative emotions are important because they give valuable feedback. You can help them verbalize their emotions and thoughts if they are open to that.

Baby Steps
When access to a quieter space is not possible, or when it's not appropriate to fully feel and release the motherload of negative emotions, you can focus on a single aspect of what's causing the discomfort (as opposed to diving deeply into it). Try to let that single thing go and then use any of the distraction ideas below to move on. For example, if you are heartbroken about a relationship ending, pick a single thing about that person you are able to let go of (such as taking walks together at lunch time). Fully feel the pain related to that specific situation, release it, and then focus on something else.

Distractions
As most of us already know very well, distraction is our best friend when it comes to avoiding our pain. Sometimes it's OK to consciously choose distraction, and we can use it as a tool with our loved ones when their environment is not appropriate for deep healing. Some great distractions are: taking a break, playing a game, having a snack, engaging in some kind of physical activity, going for a walk, listening to music, having a good laugh, talking to a friend, thinking about your latest or greatest success, noticing what's right, or doing something creative.

Beyond Emotions

Emotions and thoughts are important, but as we raise our consciousness, we start to understand that who - or what - we are, transcends even our thoughts and emotions. Ironically, as our awareness increases and we become more detached from the thoughts and emotions we used to derive our sense of identity from, the emotions we experience become increasingly positive. Why? Because as we release our negative baggage, our level of consciousness increases, and we become a match to the higher frequencies on the scale of emotions : which are all the positive emotions! Denying the presence of our negative emotions by merely thinking positively actually keeps us trapped in lower negative states. There is much healing to be done in this world, my friends, so now that we know how to help ourselves and others to release negative emotions, let's get started!

More resources:

• A short story and relaxation meditation that teaches kids how to manage their strong negative emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson D.

• A short story and fun activity that teaches kids about the scale of emotions and how they can self-regulate their emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson E.

• A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the three reasons why their thoughts are so powerful: Conscious Kids, Lesson F.

• A short story and empowering activity that teaches kids how to turn any negative situation into a positive affirmation: Conscious Kids, Lesson H.

• A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the nature of their negative emotions, as well as what triggers them: Conscious Kids, Lesson L.

• A short story and practical activity that teaches kids about three choices they always have that allow them to keep their cool in any situation: Conscious Kids, Lesson M.

• A short story and powerful activity that teaches kids how to release their negative feelings: Conscious Kids, Lesson U.

Do you know of other techniques or strategies that work well to manage strong negative emotions? Don't hesitate to share them in the comments below! Thanks so much for reading!

Warm regards,

Lise Villeneuve

Creator of Conscious Kids

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Why do we feel emotions? What is their purpose? Is it really possible to teach kids how to self-regulate their moods? How should we deal with the tantrums and meltdowns caused by negative emotions? How should we manage our own negative emotions that feel so uncomfortable? In this 3-part article about emotional intelligence, we will explore all these questions, and much more.

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom

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Part one: 

Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Most of us have been conditioned to love and value our positive emotions, but we avoid our negative emotions like the plague! We run away from them, we hide them from ourselves, we project them onto other people, and we even feel ashamed or guilty when these negative emotions catch up with us. Why do we do this? Nobody can feel only positive emotions all the time, so we should give ourselves a break. We’re only human, and that means we get to experience the full spectrum of emotions: positive and negative. (Below is Robert Plutchik's wheel of emotions).

As promised, here are the Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions:

1. All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important -especially the negative ones! They are not "wrong" and nobody should feel guilty or ashamed about the way they feel. Remember that our feelings and our behaviours are two different things. You can correct behaviours without shaming the feelings behind them.

2. Emotions are at the heart of our internal guidance system. Feelings create thousands of thoughts, and these thoughts then generate more feelings and emotions. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. Our emotions are directly transferred and felt in our body. Positive emotions will make us feel good, relaxed, open, energized and inspired, whereas negative emotions will make us feel tense, constricted, closed, lethargic, sluggish and drained. So by paying attention to the way you feel in your body, (open or closed, good or bad) you’ll always know if you’re in a positive or negative emotional state. How do you feel now?

3. The emotional states we experience are not random at all. Emotions have been classified in a scale of emotions, from the lowest states to the highest. It's very difficult to make a sudden jump from the lower levels (such as depression) directly to the highest levels (such as optimism or joy), or the other way around. Our emotional states fluctuate during the day, gradually moving up or down the scale. Here’s the good news! We can change how we feel with our thoughts, our actions and our focus. To do this, we just need to reach for a better-feeling thought, or an action that will bring us joy. Try it now. Think about something that makes you smile. Breathe in that feeling. You have just moved yourself up one notch on the scale of emotions! It’s very simple. If we learn to pay attention to how we’re feeling in our body at any given moment –and we do our best to keep ourselves up in the more positive range of emotions on the scale, we won’t suddenly be ambushed by strong negative feelings. However, when the negative emotions do show up, that’s ok! They serve a very important purpose and they should not be ignored.

4. Negative emotions tell us when we're off track, or out of alignment with the wisdom of our higher-Selves. Negative emotions are like a wake-up call. They are telling us that we are now quite low on the scale of emotions and it would be wise to slowly climb back up by either changing our actions or our thoughts. It’s also possible that some old unresolved emotions have been stirred up again. If that’s the case, we can decide if we’d like to work on releasing those suppressed emotions, or if the timing is not appropriate, we can shift our focus to better-feeling thoughts or actions and come back to these at a later time.

5. Everyone experiences negative emotions sooner or later, but we don’t have to stay stuck in negativity. Beware! Negativity can be highly addictive and contagious, so you don’t want to dwell there. It’s addictive because it offers a secret, pleasurable payoff to the ego. Unchecked, it will quickly pick up momentum and generate more negativity. Remember: the purpose of negative emotions is to make us aware that we are heading in the wrong direction, or that something needs to be released if we want to move forward and feel good again. Once we have gotten the message and made the appropriate changes, we can start to move back up the scale of emotions to a better-feeling state. Sometimes –like in the case of grief, or severe depression, the healing process can take some time, so we have to be patient with ourselves. Having an attitude of surrender and acceptance of whatever feelings we are experiencing accelerates the process. If we resist our negative feelings, we can’t heal them, because we’re just trying to escape. Instead, these feelings have to be willingly released. I will be giving more details about releasing negative feelings in the following sections.

In short:

1)     All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important, especially the negative ones!

2)    To instantly have a good idea of where you are on the scale of emotions, simply notice how you are feeling in your body. Feeling good / open means you are experiencing positive emotions (#7 and up on the scale), feeling any kind of tension or resistance means you are experiencing negative emotions (#8 and down on the scale).

3)     Everyone can learn to move themselves up the scale of emotions by choosing better-feeling thoughts or actions, or by releasing pent-up emotions.

4)     Don’t try to escape or ignore negative emotions, even if they are often inconvenient and uncomfortable. They are sending you an important message. Make the appropriate changes and move on.

5)     Don’t get sucked in. Negativity is highly addictive and contagious, so don’t dwell there too long. Be aware of the secret pleasurable payoff our egos get from negativity. Nevertheless, it feels much better to be in a state of joy and peace. Anyone can get there. It just takes a little will and courage.

Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3. In part 2, we’ll discuss what you can do to help a loved one navigate through an emotional storm. Part 3 is all about practical tools and techniques to help you deal with negative emotions at home, at work or in the classroom.

In the meantime, if you’d like some extra resources to teach children about emotional intelligence (mindfulness), I’ve written a complete program called Conscious Kids / Enfants Lucides. The lessons are taught through creative short stories, followed by fun activities that can be done at home or in the classroom. 

Level 1 covers:

- The relationship between thoughts and emotions;

- How to move ourselves up the scale of emotions;

- How to deal with strong negative emotions, and more. 

Thanks for reading! Coming soon is Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm.

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Are We Being Honest With Ourselves?

Why is this happening to me again?

Did you ever notice that we re-experience painful scenarios over and over again until we finally learn what we need to change in our life? The people, situations and places may change, but we all have recurring issues that keep recreating themselves until we learn our lessons. Life is designed this way to facilitate our evolution.

No, that's not me...

For some, the issues revolve around dysfunctional relationships. For others, it's more about self-worth, or control. Whatever the theme is, we will continue to experience uncomfortable, negative emotions until we get right down to the root of the problem. Denial and suppression of these negative feelings will only work for a short time, since repressed energies get stored in our emotional body and can create illness. We can run, but we can't hide!

I feel great!

It's time to be honest with ourselves. What is causing us the greatest sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, frustration or apathy in our life right now? Do we want to keep running away from these negative feelings, or do we want to finally free ourselves from them? Yes, it may be terrifying to face our shadow -our dark side- but it's the only way to remove the phenomenal power it has over us.

Emotional energy drain

Whether we realise it or not, it takes incredible amounts of energy to keep these shameful aspects hidden from our awareness. Instead of wasting our energy trying to deny our wounds, we could release this energy and use it to manifest a fulfilling, empowered life. To be free from the weight of our repressed negative emotions, we first have to accept them, reintegrate them and then release them.

Wound? What wound?

The good news is that life gives us so many opportunities to do this. Each time we feel annoyed, frustrated, angry, fearful, sad or just plain numb, it's because something on the outside has touched our wound on the inside. If we didn't have a wound in the first place, then we wouldn't feel so vulnerable. We wouldn't use projection to blame others for how we are feeling inside. At the core of this wound is a deep fear that we are powerless, that we are too insignificant to make a real difference in this world. Is this true?

Our thoughts create our reality...

What do you  think would happen to the world if everybody started to accept, reintegrate and release their own negative emotions in appropriate ways? If we were comfortable with our own "dark side", we would stop blaming others for theirs. We could help each other to nurture our more positive qualities by tipping the scale from global fear and competition to universal love, compassion, forgiveness and cooperation. Do you think our leaders could get away with some of the things we are seeing today if the majority of humans resonated at the higher frequency of Love? No!

Who am I?

When we respond to events with fear and negativity, unfortunately, we are reinforcing and supporting the old paradigm of separation. It helps to ask this question: who am I? Am I merely a separate, isolated, physical being, or a deeply connected, eternal, spiritual being? When we experience fear, it's usually from the perspective of the ego-self.

The greatest awakener = suffering

The time has come for us to face our individual and collective shadows. We can all see that things aren't right on the planet. We are all well-aware of the collective suffering that seems to be increasing. That's because suffering is the greatest awakener. If we don't learn our lessons and evolve, life teaches us the hard way. Is this the route we are collectively choosing? Unfortunately, it seems like it.

What can I do?

When we each have the courage to face our individual shadow, this reduces our collective shadow, and it reconnects us to the most powerful forces on earth: Love, compassion, forgiveness and cooperation. These are necessary to ensure our survival.We cannot truly be light workers unless we reintegrate, love and forgive our own darkness.

Thanks for reading,

Much Love,

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Are You Afraid Of Your Shadow? I am...

Image: www.holistic-alternative-practitioners.com

I'm sure you must have heard somewhere that we are all "whole, complete, perfect beings." The feeling I got when I heard this saying was not too different from the sensations of nauseousness I experienced during pregnancy. To me, it just sounded like an unfounded statement that begged the question "what about all the horrific acts of violence that people engage in on a daily basis? Are murderers, rapists and criminals whole, complete, perfect beings?" Their behaviours are the antithesis of good.

It took me awhile to really understand this concept, and my comprehension was enhanced when I developed a better understanding of the nature of our reality. In plain English, we live in a world of duality and contrast. The way we can understand and make sense of everything around us is by comparing what we already know. I'm sure you've heard the analogy about the fish in the aquarium that had no idea what water was...until he was lifted above the water and was able to experience what an environment without water felt like. Only then was he able to say "yeah, I know what water is now", even though he had spent his entire life in the substance! It's really the same for us, we need a frame of reference upon which we can integrate new experiences and information.

The new information that comes in via our senses automatically gets compared, categorized and analysed in relation to what we've already experienced. We can't fully understand what "hot" means until we experience "cold" (damn, that Katy Perry song just popped in my head). We don't really realize what health is until we become sick for the first time. The same goes for our emotions, we can't know the meaning of happy until we've been sad. We make sense of reality through contrasts. Duality is everywhere. Yin-Yang / Positive-Negative / Good-Bad.

Credits for this image go to www.tigerfreedom.com

Once we acknowledge this, the idea that we are "whole" beings starts to make more sense. Just like the Yin-Yang symbol above illustrates, we all carry the complete array of emotions / feelings within us. Some are located on the bright, open side, others are on the dark, shadowy side of our persona. We tend to hide our emotions from this dark side from others and even from ourselves, because we've learned over time that it's not acceptable to express these "negative" feelings. We feel like we're only allowed to express positive emotions and something must have gone terribly wrong with us if negativity comes to the surface too often, right? Our sense of "balance" of these two sides is actually quite unbalanced!

Is it realistic to expect ourselves to always be happy, confident, grounded and strong? How would we even understand these states if it were not for their opposites that have a healthy place in our psyche? As I've said before, all our emotions are important, they deserve to be validated and expressed in an appropriate manner. If we deny our darker side and always repress the anger, the rage, the fear, the sadness, the resistance, the jealousy, they will inevitably blow up in our faces. That's when we are the most likely to do something really stupid we'll regret.

Yes, we are indeed whole, complete, perfect beings. Obviously, our behaviours are far from perfect, but we can improve, simply by allowing ourselves to fully embrace the full spectrum of our humanity. Let's give ourselves a break! Let's be courageous enough to face our shadow, because it's beautiful and in the end... it makes us stronger.

Warmly,

Lise
Health Coach / Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com

What Your Anger Is Trying To Tell You...

Since my posts this week have been revolving around the theme of negative emotions, I'd like to take this opportunity to explore an emotion we are all very familiar with: Anger. Why do we feel so angry sometimes? What triggers us? What does the anger mean, beyond the fact that sometimes we feel like punching someone in the face...? Well, you might be surprised by what you are about to read.

I want to start off  by saying that ALL of our emotions are valid, therefore feeling angry is not bad, wrong, or shameful. Obviously, how we feel and how we act are two very different things. It's important for us to find appropriate (non-violent) ways to express our anger. Some of these could include crying, talking to a friend, working out, going for a walk, doing something creative, punching a pillow...etc.

Why Do We Feel Angry?

Whenever we feel angry, it's because we feel deeply threatened. Anger actually triggers a survival mechanism in us that distances us from the perceived threat. The anger, the rage and the hatred we sometimes feel are actually self-preservation instincts that cover up our feelings of powerlessness. We hide our fear, our hurt and our insecurity by appearing "tough", loud, and in control on the outside. Anger gives us the fuel needed to get back up and fight. Makes sense so far?

What's The Vibrational Scale Of Emotions?

Look at the picture above. It's a scale of our different emotions that are in order of highest to lowest frequency (Abraham-Hicks). Remember, everything in this universe is made up of energy, including your thoughts and emotions. In other words, when you are feeling joy, empowerment, freedom and love, you are at the very top of the emotional scale. These positive emotions vibrate at a much higher, faster frequency than those of fear, grief, despair and powerlessness.

Notice that anger is placed at number 17 on the scale. As I mentioned, anger masks our true feelings of powerlessness and fear (the lowest emotions on the scale), therefore if you look at this from a vibrational perspective, feeling angry actually gives you an advantage! It allows you to move yourself back up the scale much faster than if you were to get stuck in powerlessness, depression, or despair. However, some people feel so ashamed of expressing their anger that they bypass this emotional short cut and get stuck in cycles of depression and powerlessness. Wherever you end up on the scale, it's important to find the courage to face your negative emotions, to accept them with compassion and to understand what they are trying to tell you. I'll explain what anger is trying to tell you in a minute.

What Causes Our Anger?

First, I'd like to push your boundaries a little. This may be hard to hear for some. Try to read this through the perspective of your higher-self and not the ego. Here goes! Nobody "causes" us to feel a certain way. All emotions are derived from our interpretation of "reality" and from our judgements about how things "should or should not be". Yup, it's all about what we're telling ourselves. Nobody can make us feel good or bad without our prior consent! But you knew that already, right?

What Is The Anger Telling Us?

Although it may seem like people and circumstances are making you angry and pushing your buttons, if you take a closer look, you will notice that the anger you are feeling is like an alarm going off inside you. It's trying to tell you "you're disconnected from your needs right now, and you're violating your boundaries." In other words, something is out of alignment and needs your attention and loving care. When you feel angry, stop, breathe, and ask yourself "what need of mine is not getting met right now?" Instead of lashing out at the other person in a violent and confrontational way, are you able to find the strength to articulate what hurt or saddened you, and what exactly it is you need to overcome this? This approach (as opposed to more aggressive tactics) is much more likely to get your needs met, and to keep your stress level down! You simply can't feel angry when you are connected to your needs! The anger gives you a chance to transform your thoughts.

Once you understand where your anger is coming from (your interpretation of reality) and what it means (you feel threatened because your needs are not being met), you will be able to feel in control again. Since the vibration of anger is not a particularly pleasant one (and it sucks up a lot of energy), you can consciously move yourself up the scale of emotions we previously discussed. Let me show you how.

How Can We Make Ourselves Feel Better?

This scale is an extremely helpful tool, because it allows us to understand how to gradually move ourselves from lower emotions to higher ones. How do we do this? Simply by thinking or doing something that will make us feel slightly better. For example, if you are furious, start by figuring out which need of yours has not been met. Take care of yourself, this will automatically raise your vibration. You can think about something you are looking forward to, take a deep breath, pet your dog, go outside. Do whatever feels good to you. This will move you up the scale, from anger (17) to discouragement (16), or maybe blame (15), worry (14) or doubt (13). Even though you are not feeling blissful yet, cut yourself some slack, because you are in fact slowly improving your mood! It's unrealistic to want to instantly jump from being angry to feeling fantastic!

If all of this still seems a bit abstract to you, don't worry, it shouldn't take too long until I have plenty of personal, angry examples that  I can write about to help illustrate this somewhat theoretical post. :)

Warmly,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Help! What Is Happening To Me? (Part 1)

As usual, my blog posts are inspired by real events that I recently experience. I like to write about topics that are personally challenging and allow expansion, evolution and  growing awareness. This time, the subject is on negativity, and it took me a couple of days to get my thoughts together, because I was confused as hell. Here's what happened...

I was feeling good and everything was fine in my life until BAM! It felt like this dark, heavy cloud of negativity hung over me for almost a week. I'm not talking about PMS here! It was so intense and overwhelming, and I had no clue what the cause was. For example, I was shovelling the snow outside (an activity I generally enjoy because of the fresh air and exercise), and my thoughts were angry, obsessive-compulsive and irrational. I can't even tell you exactly what I was thinking about, it was so random, but the overall theme was intense resistance. As I was trying to find some awareness amid the storm, it occurred to me that my thoughts were trying to put the blame on "this or that" as a source of the dark mood, but none of it made sense. Ironically, I coach people and help them turn negative states into positive affirmations, so I was trying hard to will my way out of this one, but I failed miserably. What I noticed was that part of me didn't want to let go of the negativity! Hanging on to that mood was somehow giving me a sense of pleasure! How weird is that?

As my thoughts continued to downward spiral, I felt my body convert all these negative messages into negative emotions. Now I was feeling irritation, impatience, resentment, anger...and guilt, for feeling this way! The worst part was that I had no idea WHY all this was going on! Perhaps because I know that nothing outside of us is ever really responsible for our pain, and I'm aware that the little "stories" we like to make up about why we feel the way we do are often superficial. What I did know was that this angst was coming from a deep, unconscious place.

What was I to do? As much as I was trying to hide it, my mood was still affecting my sensitive kids. Rob was away (lucky him). I thought of blaming it all on him, but that wasn't satisfying enough ;) I was able to witness just how contagious this toxic energy was.

Well, I finally figured it out, (thank god), and I feel like myself again.What I discovered really opened my eyes...

Stay tuned for part II of this story coming soon!

Warmly,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com