Are We Being Honest With Ourselves?

Why is this happening to me again?

Did you ever notice that we re-experience painful scenarios over and over again until we finally learn what we need to change in our life? The people, situations and places may change, but we all have recurring issues that keep recreating themselves until we learn our lessons. Life is designed this way to facilitate our evolution.

No, that's not me...

For some, the issues revolve around dysfunctional relationships. For others, it's more about self-worth, or control. Whatever the theme is, we will continue to experience uncomfortable, negative emotions until we get right down to the root of the problem. Denial and suppression of these negative feelings will only work for a short time, since repressed energies get stored in our emotional body and can create illness. We can run, but we can't hide!

I feel great!

It's time to be honest with ourselves. What is causing us the greatest sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, frustration or apathy in our life right now? Do we want to keep running away from these negative feelings, or do we want to finally free ourselves from them? Yes, it may be terrifying to face our shadow -our dark side- but it's the only way to remove the phenomenal power it has over us.

Emotional energy drain

Whether we realise it or not, it takes incredible amounts of energy to keep these shameful aspects hidden from our awareness. Instead of wasting our energy trying to deny our wounds, we could release this energy and use it to manifest a fulfilling, empowered life. To be free from the weight of our repressed negative emotions, we first have to accept them, reintegrate them and then release them.

Wound? What wound?

The good news is that life gives us so many opportunities to do this. Each time we feel annoyed, frustrated, angry, fearful, sad or just plain numb, it's because something on the outside has touched our wound on the inside. If we didn't have a wound in the first place, then we wouldn't feel so vulnerable. We wouldn't use projection to blame others for how we are feeling inside. At the core of this wound is a deep fear that we are powerless, that we are too insignificant to make a real difference in this world. Is this true?

Our thoughts create our reality...

What do you  think would happen to the world if everybody started to accept, reintegrate and release their own negative emotions in appropriate ways? If we were comfortable with our own "dark side", we would stop blaming others for theirs. We could help each other to nurture our more positive qualities by tipping the scale from global fear and competition to universal love, compassion, forgiveness and cooperation. Do you think our leaders could get away with some of the things we are seeing today if the majority of humans resonated at the higher frequency of Love? No!

Who am I?

When we respond to events with fear and negativity, unfortunately, we are reinforcing and supporting the old paradigm of separation. It helps to ask this question: who am I? Am I merely a separate, isolated, physical being, or a deeply connected, eternal, spiritual being? When we experience fear, it's usually from the perspective of the ego-self.

The greatest awakener = suffering

The time has come for us to face our individual and collective shadows. We can all see that things aren't right on the planet. We are all well-aware of the collective suffering that seems to be increasing. That's because suffering is the greatest awakener. If we don't learn our lessons and evolve, life teaches us the hard way. Is this the route we are collectively choosing? Unfortunately, it seems like it.

What can I do?

When we each have the courage to face our individual shadow, this reduces our collective shadow, and it reconnects us to the most powerful forces on earth: Love, compassion, forgiveness and cooperation. These are necessary to ensure our survival.We cannot truly be light workers unless we reintegrate, love and forgive our own darkness.

Thanks for reading,

Much Love,

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

I Feel Completely Inadequate...

Disclaimer:

I hope I'm not getting too annoying with the increasing frequency of my blogging, but lately the inspiration has been pouring out of me, so I'm just allowing it to take form here. I really do enjoy writing, despite the fact that English is my second language and words don't always come as easily as French. Yet, something is pushing me to continue in this direction right now.

I want to take this time to thank you for being here, whoever you are! I really have no clue who reads my posts, all I know is that the numbers are increasing daily and I'm honoured that you're here. So don't be shy to contact me directly if you feel inclined to, I'd love to hear from you! (my contact info is on www.lisevilleneuve.com or you can post comments directly on this blog.)

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I Feel Completely Inadequate...

After having worked with many different people as a coach / counsellor, I can say with certainty that most of us feel like we are inadequate, myself included. We feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with us. We just don't fit in, we never have, and we're afraid that sooner or later, someone will figure us out! So what do we do? In order to avoid facing this threatening feeling of lack and these dark emotions that rest at the core of our being, we run like hell. Your ego is probably denying this right now!

Many of us spend our entire lives running away from our true, whole, Selves, because we (our egos) believe that we are not enough and never will be. Bullshit. We run from the pain of our past that we refuse to feel and instead bury deep inside, naively hoping that it will never resurface. We are experts at keeping ourselves distracted from our inner-world by finding something, anything to DO. Standing still is not an option because once our mind gets bored, it starts to wander into our forbidden zones. Being alone often presents the same threat. Does this sound familiar to you?

From this false premise that we are not good enough just as human beings, we build a lifetime of protective layers -such as the roles we hide behind, the career that defines us, the daily dramas that allow us to point the finger out there, the various successes that make us feel like we are temporarily important. But do they really make us feel like we're worthy? For how long? The ego is never fully satisfied. Before we know it, we're craving the next new thing, thrill, relationship...etc. There's nothing wrong with wanting these things, but few of us realize WHY we really want them. If we're brutally honest, we'll see that it's to keep ourselves distracted from this deep, unconscious belief that we're simply inadequate. Maybe by doing more, by being more, we'll feel better someday? What will it take, what will you have to do to finally get there? When will it be enough?

If we want to feel happy and at peace with ourselves, the first step is to realize that we've probably been looking in the wrong direction -outward. We have to come back to those disowned parts of ourselves and gently embrace them again. We have to find the courage to face our demons from the past. Emotions get stored in the body and can turn into discomfort or disease if they are not released. The truth is, we are already whole and worthy right now, even with all our imperfections. Don't let the ego fool you! The bulk of our healing work has to do with peeling off our multiple protective layers and allowing ourselves to feel ALL our emotions -especially the unpleasant, frightening ones.

So whenever you hear that little voice that pressures you to DO more, BE more, GET more, KNOW more, just tell it to ph*que off. Pardon my French. If whatever you desire is coming from a place of passion, enthusiasm, and joy, then that's your heart speaking to you. Go for it! You are beautiful just the way you are. Always remember that.

Warmly,

Lise
Health Coach / Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com

What Your Anger Is Trying To Tell You...

Since my posts this week have been revolving around the theme of negative emotions, I'd like to take this opportunity to explore an emotion we are all very familiar with: Anger. Why do we feel so angry sometimes? What triggers us? What does the anger mean, beyond the fact that sometimes we feel like punching someone in the face...? Well, you might be surprised by what you are about to read.

I want to start off  by saying that ALL of our emotions are valid, therefore feeling angry is not bad, wrong, or shameful. Obviously, how we feel and how we act are two very different things. It's important for us to find appropriate (non-violent) ways to express our anger. Some of these could include crying, talking to a friend, working out, going for a walk, doing something creative, punching a pillow...etc.

Why Do We Feel Angry?

Whenever we feel angry, it's because we feel deeply threatened. Anger actually triggers a survival mechanism in us that distances us from the perceived threat. The anger, the rage and the hatred we sometimes feel are actually self-preservation instincts that cover up our feelings of powerlessness. We hide our fear, our hurt and our insecurity by appearing "tough", loud, and in control on the outside. Anger gives us the fuel needed to get back up and fight. Makes sense so far?

What's The Vibrational Scale Of Emotions?

Look at the picture above. It's a scale of our different emotions that are in order of highest to lowest frequency (Abraham-Hicks). Remember, everything in this universe is made up of energy, including your thoughts and emotions. In other words, when you are feeling joy, empowerment, freedom and love, you are at the very top of the emotional scale. These positive emotions vibrate at a much higher, faster frequency than those of fear, grief, despair and powerlessness.

Notice that anger is placed at number 17 on the scale. As I mentioned, anger masks our true feelings of powerlessness and fear (the lowest emotions on the scale), therefore if you look at this from a vibrational perspective, feeling angry actually gives you an advantage! It allows you to move yourself back up the scale much faster than if you were to get stuck in powerlessness, depression, or despair. However, some people feel so ashamed of expressing their anger that they bypass this emotional short cut and get stuck in cycles of depression and powerlessness. Wherever you end up on the scale, it's important to find the courage to face your negative emotions, to accept them with compassion and to understand what they are trying to tell you. I'll explain what anger is trying to tell you in a minute.

What Causes Our Anger?

First, I'd like to push your boundaries a little. This may be hard to hear for some. Try to read this through the perspective of your higher-self and not the ego. Here goes! Nobody "causes" us to feel a certain way. All emotions are derived from our interpretation of "reality" and from our judgements about how things "should or should not be". Yup, it's all about what we're telling ourselves. Nobody can make us feel good or bad without our prior consent! But you knew that already, right?

What Is The Anger Telling Us?

Although it may seem like people and circumstances are making you angry and pushing your buttons, if you take a closer look, you will notice that the anger you are feeling is like an alarm going off inside you. It's trying to tell you "you're disconnected from your needs right now, and you're violating your boundaries." In other words, something is out of alignment and needs your attention and loving care. When you feel angry, stop, breathe, and ask yourself "what need of mine is not getting met right now?" Instead of lashing out at the other person in a violent and confrontational way, are you able to find the strength to articulate what hurt or saddened you, and what exactly it is you need to overcome this? This approach (as opposed to more aggressive tactics) is much more likely to get your needs met, and to keep your stress level down! You simply can't feel angry when you are connected to your needs! The anger gives you a chance to transform your thoughts.

Once you understand where your anger is coming from (your interpretation of reality) and what it means (you feel threatened because your needs are not being met), you will be able to feel in control again. Since the vibration of anger is not a particularly pleasant one (and it sucks up a lot of energy), you can consciously move yourself up the scale of emotions we previously discussed. Let me show you how.

How Can We Make Ourselves Feel Better?

This scale is an extremely helpful tool, because it allows us to understand how to gradually move ourselves from lower emotions to higher ones. How do we do this? Simply by thinking or doing something that will make us feel slightly better. For example, if you are furious, start by figuring out which need of yours has not been met. Take care of yourself, this will automatically raise your vibration. You can think about something you are looking forward to, take a deep breath, pet your dog, go outside. Do whatever feels good to you. This will move you up the scale, from anger (17) to discouragement (16), or maybe blame (15), worry (14) or doubt (13). Even though you are not feeling blissful yet, cut yourself some slack, because you are in fact slowly improving your mood! It's unrealistic to want to instantly jump from being angry to feeling fantastic!

If all of this still seems a bit abstract to you, don't worry, it shouldn't take too long until I have plenty of personal, angry examples that  I can write about to help illustrate this somewhat theoretical post. :)

Warmly,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

A Big Pain In The...

...HEART! A Big Pain In The Heart! 

As much as this can be an uncomfortable subject because it forces us to face our deepest fears, I would like to talk about the profound pain we are all carrying. Very few of us even acknowledge that suffering exists in our hearts, but it's there, holding us down in many different ways. Releasing our pain is the key to finding our freedom.

Why don't we realize we are suffering? Mainly because we've never experienced what it feels like not to suffer. Do fish realize they are surrounded by water? It seems obvious to us, but not to them, because they've never been out of water (the lucky ones, at least!). So day after day, we swim in our ocean of psychological and emotional pain thinking this is normal. Our psyches have become hyper-sensitive in this modern world. We are filled with insecurity, anxiety, self-doubt, self-consciousness. It doesn't have to be this way.

The mind is a powerful  tool that wants to help us. It tries to fix us inside -to reduce our fears- by suggesting we do this or that, say this or that, often in a neurotic kind of way!The problem with the mind is that it thinks it can find the solution to our problems by changing our external circumstances. A better job, a different girlfriend, a better body perhaps? However, our root problem is internal: our fears make us feel incomplete, inadequate. The truth is, there is nothing we can change on the outside to fix this permanently. So what can we do, then?

The first thing to do is to fire our minds! Ignore the neurotic chatter box! Don't fight it, just refuse to participate in it. Be quiet inside and watch what your mind is telling you. Be the silent witness and stop deriving a sense of identity from your mind. You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness behind them.

Great, so you quieted the mind, but what about the pain? It's still there. You have been storing pockets of pain in your heart chakra since childhood (Samskara). Whatever you have resisted in the past, you still carry today. Whenever you close your heart to protect yourself from more pain, you actually trap that pain inside:

"Remember, if you close around something, you will be psychologically sensitive about that subject for the rest of your life. Because you stored it inside of you, you will be afraid that it will happen again." -Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

The key to spiritual freedom is learning to become comfortable with pain passing through us. If we are able to see the pain as nothing more than transient energy that just needs to make its way through us to be released, our hearts can stay open and we won't accumulate more pain. When old, painful memories resurface, we get a second chance to open our hearts and release them once and for all. Some people experience a feeling of heat in the heart area when this happens.

So, the next time a form of pain comes your way, (and it will!) instead of fearing it, instead of trapping it inside by closing your heart, be brave enough to keep your heart open and just experience it passing through you. It will probably be uncomfortable, but in the long run, you will waste less time and energy avoiding or reacting to circumstances that trigger those sensitive pockets of pain you have been carrying for so long. You will be tearing down the bars of your internal prison one by one. The question is, how badly do you want this freedom?

Warmly,

Lise

www.lisevilleneuve.com

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