The ONE Thing To Know...

-Mindfulness Bites-

Mindfulness or Mindlessness?

By Lise Villeneuve

If you asked me to share just one simple mindfulness concept with you, this would be it. What I’m about to explain is so basic and so simple, yet it has the potential to completely transform your life by freeing you from so much unnecessary suffering. Are you ready to hear it? First, imagine you had an app or a device that could automatically track, identify and record every single one of your thoughts (I know it’s just a matter of time before such a thing exists!) How many thoughts do you think you would approximately have each day? Scientists tell us we think an average of 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day -that’s 35 to 48 thoughts per minute! They also estimate that about 80% of our thoughts are mostly negative. Imagine if we had such an app that tracked all our mental chatter. What do you think we would learn from closely monitoring our thoughts?

Can we control our thoughts?

First, I think the vast majority of us would be amazed at how truly unaware we are of our thoughts. We would be so surprised to review all the things we’ve been telling ourselves in a day: all the little stories we cling to, the judgements, the fears, the beliefs, the assumptions, as well as our hopes, dreams and positive thoughts. It would be quite an eye-opener to see the contents of our minds in one day, but I think what would shock us the most would be the realization that our thoughts are so random and extremely repetitive. We would eventually come to the conclusion that despite what we may believe, we have very little control over our thoughts. If you don’t believe me, sit quietly for five minutes and observe your mental chatter. Can you control it?

Can we control our emotions?

What do you think is the second major thing we would learn from using a device that could instantly show us our thoughts? We would see that what we think directly influences how we feel. Our thoughts generate emotions, and in turn, our emotions give rise to more thoughts, then round and round the cycle goes. If our device showed us we were stuck in negative thinking patterns, then we would immediately make the connection between our dark thoughts and our bad mood, or our discomfort. But here’s the kicker: negative thinking patterns don’t just include self-critical thoughts. They include any thoughts that argue with reality. You know, the thoughts we have that resist what is, the thoughts that fight against what has already happened. The shoulds and shouldn’t haves of our minds. We all have them.

I can't believe she did that...

If our app could clearly show us the thoughts that fight with what is, we would immediately understand how much stress they cause us. “She should or shouldn’t have said that.” We would see how such thoughts - regardless if they are true or not - completely rob us of our natural state of peace and well being. We would notice how much energy we waste by clinging to these thoughts and stories that end up making us feel miserable. With the extra awareness and clarity provided by our device, we could look at any one of our thoughts that argue with what is, such as “He should or shouldn’t have done that” and we could then ask ourselves “when I cling to this thought, how does it make me feel?” What does that feel like in my body? Try it now. Think of a recent situation when you felt irritated, frustrated, sad or angry. What were you telling yourself? How did that make you feel?

After having identified the type of stress, discomfort and resistance created in your body from having focused on that particular thought or story, the next logical step would be to ask: “How would I feel - who would I be - if I didn’t have that thought, or if it never came to my mind?” Again, it doesn’t matter if the thought or story are true, justified or not. How would you feel if you simply didn’t entertain that thought?

Does positive thinking work?

Of course if it weren’t for our neurotic minds, we would all be in a permanent state of bliss. Our challenge is to end the war with our minds, to accept what is - including our compulsive thoughts and our mental stories. And how can we do this? By meeting our fearful, jealous, angry, depressed and resistant thoughts with understanding and compassion. Simply pushing our negative thoughts away or replacing them with positive thoughts doesn’t work. That’s like a band-aid solution: it’s superficial and it prevents us from deeply healing our psychological wounds. We all carry these wounds. Here’s the good news: our negativity can be a blessing because it shows us the parts of ourselves that need our attention, care and compassion. So we have two choices. We can either remain attached to our thoughts and stories and consequently have to deal with the suffering they cause us, or we can sincerely investigate them, learn what they are trying to teach us about ourselves and grow. Mindfulness teaches us how to do this inquiry. It encourages us to become lovers of what is. This is the most direct path to inner peace and freedom.

Putting up with people's B.S.

Investigating our stressful thoughts - especially recurrent thoughts like the ones that make us feel confused, frustrated, sad, angry or any other negative emotion, doesn’t mean we have to put up with people’s B.S. It doesn’t mean we can’t act or initiate change, and it doesn’t invalidate our feelings or our experiences. Sometimes we falsely believe that by holding on to anger, resentments or worry, we remain in control, or we teach others a lesson. But what really happens is that we block off our own energy by holding on to this toxic negativity. Questioning our stressful thoughts doesn’t mean we have to take all the blame, admit defeat or let others walk all over us. So what is the purpose of inquiry?

A person or situation can't make us feel anything

Inquiry simply bring us back to a state of peace, calm and clarity by examining the direct connection between what we are telling ourselves and what we are feeling. It’s never a situation or a person that make us feel anything. It’s always our thoughts about the situation or the person. This is excellent news, because we have the ability to question our thoughts, to meet them with understanding and to become more aware of their power over us. Questioning our thinking helps us release those negative emotions that hold us down, it removes confusion and it gives us peace of mind. It is from this new place of clarity that the best solutions to our problems and conflicts naturally arise. We can now take action without being angry, sad, confused or fearful.

3 questions that will change your life...

We may not have an app to help us track our thoughts yet, but that’s OK, because we have our negative emotions to help us out. They are like our alarm signal that lets us know it’s time to question our thoughts. It’s time for inquiry: what am I thinking right now? (specifically identify your stressful thought, write it down if you can) How do I feel when I think that? (identify your emotions and notice where you feel any body sensations) How would I feel if I didn’t have that thought? (specifically describe how you think you would feel) These questions might seem obvious or simplistic and you might be tempted to just dismiss them, but if you try them out, you will immediately understand their value. These questions were inspired by The Work of Byron Katie. There are a few more steps we can take to get the most out of inquiry, but for now, focusing on these three questions is more than enough.

Bring on the negative thoughts...

There is no need to try and stop, change or eliminate our negative thoughts, because they are our teachers. They show us the patterns that hold us back and keep us trapped in suffering. All that is required is to notice our thoughts, to meet them with compassion and to allow, welcome and release the emotions they stir up. That, my friends is what I wanted to share with you. Inquiry will truly set you free.

Sincerely,

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Who Is More Intelligent?

Life is but a dream. Just ask our Balsam poplar tree who has been producing these beautiful balls of fluffy cotton lately. One minute they are there, hanging from the branches like a sweet display of cotton candy, and the next they are broken apart and sent off to dance in the sky, swept away by a breeze that will ensure their reproduction. In just a few days, there will be no sign of these soft white creatures. They will have come and gone, served their purpose and returned to the earth. Everthing comes and goes, just like a dream.

What's the main difference beween us and the cotton balls? Essentially, we go through the same cycle of life, but they do it without resistance. They don't care if nobody notices them. They don't see themselves as separate from everything else. They have no expectations. They just go with the flow. They have a primal, innate wisdom -a knowing, that they don't "have a life" but they ARE life itself, just naturally doing what it does. We may be smarter than them, with our complex thinking processes, but they certainly don't suffer like we do, do they? So who's really more intelligent I wonder?

More and more, I am experiencing that it IS possible to live like that -free from the prison of our ego. But at first, I went through the process  kicking and screaming. To the ego, it seems absurd, ridiculous even to consider that everything we have carefully constructed -our so-called "life", our persona, our biography- are fundamentally complete illusions. When we are brave enough to let go of our thoughts, our beliefs and expectations, we discover the deep peace that the natural world has known all along. Isn't nature a wonderful teacher?

As long as we cling to this idea of who we think we are, we suffer. I find it helpful to keep asking  the question "what am I?" I don't look for an answer that comes from the mind, but instead from the body. I connect with that feeling of beingness, not just in a meditative setting, but in everyday life situations. What I discover is that I am dreaming! From that place of awareness, I go ahead and play my part in the drama of life. I plant the seeds I wish to harvest and I remove the weeds without having to get angry with them. Most of the time, I eat them, actually.

Wishing you a wonderful summer,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Shit Happens. Are We Going To Let it Control Us?

I was in Cuba a couple weeks ago, splashing around in the warm, turquoise waters of the Caribbean. Our little group was discussing what makes a good vacation. Was it the hotel amenities? The food? The company? The beach? We concluded that a combination of all these things made somewhat of a difference on our overall level of enjoyment, but the most determinant variable was our state of mind. Were we committed to having a good time from the start, or were we ready to complain at the first inconvenience?

Before booking this trip, we all read the Trip Advisor reviews to have a better idea of the environment we were about to immerse ourselves in, but the truth is, we never have full control over our circumstances, no matter how much we prepare ourselves. Shit happens. This rule doesn't just apply to our vacations, obviously, it applies to our daily life. The good news is that even though we have limited control over our external circumstances, we have full control over what happens in our inner-landscape. By inner-landscape, I mean our thoughts, our emotions, our perceptions and our reactions.

Let me illustrate this with an example. First, we think a thought (such as "this hotel room sucks, I got ripped off"). Thoughts automatically translate into emotions in our body, so we may suddenly start to feel frustrated, even angry. Now all our perceptions become tainted with this anger, so we're more likely to notice more things that justify and increase our frustration. "I can't believe they gave me this crappy room, I don't want to be stuck in this dump, it will ruin my vacation." Next thing we know, we are yelling at the reception, having a full-blown tantrum that doesn't get us anywhere because no other rooms are available!

Thankfully, the story didn't end up like this for me, but I did have a below-average room in Cuba. The air-conditioner, safe and fridge were out of order, the room was full of mosquitoes and was on the first level, which was very loud with no view at all. I didn't feel good in this room, so I decided to use this negative situation to my advantage. I learned fairly recently that any time we are feeling bad and don't like what's going on around us, it's a golden opportunity to clearly affirm what we would like to experience instead. It takes a little effort to remember this at times, but our thoughts really do create our reality, so staying stuck in negativity and complaining about what we don't like only brings us more of what we are focusing on -bad things!

I began to imagine myself in a nicer, quieter room, higher up, with a beautiful view of the ocean. That felt good, and I truly believed it was possible to make this happen. I calmly went to the reception, explained my case, but was told there were no other rooms available. They told me to try my luck again tomorrow. I did, and was very pleased to be upgraded to the top floor, corner room with no neighbours, ocean view, with a complimentary bottle of Rhum! The maid even made beautiful swans, boats and animals with the towels every day! I was very grateful for this turn of events, it made my vacation even better than I decided it was going to be!

So I got upgraded, no big deal right? The point I'm trying to make here is that I could have arrived at this same result more aggressively, by complaining, by resisting, by raising my voice, by thinking and feeling thoughts/emotions that are unpleasant and create unnecessary stress for myself and others. That was a choice I had. Acting up and being demanding doesn't mean we'll get what we want faster, on the contrary. We're not naturally conditioned to act this way, but if we're able to be crystal clear about what we want instead of resisting the hand that's been given to us, we actually have more power to alter our circumstances.

So when the food is repetitive and cold, the mosquitoes are eating us alive and the pool smells like sewage, we still have control over how we are going to interpret our reality! Can we actively do something to change our situation? If the answer is yes, we can focus on taking action without falling into the trap of negativity, complaining and resistance. If the answer is no, we might as well focus on something that will make us feel better, unless we want to attract more negative circumstances our way! It's a matter of perception.

What determines if we are going to be happy or unhappy is not actually the events and circumstances that are occurring in our lives, it's always our personal interpretation of these events! We can have complete control over our inner-landscape if we learn to observe and tame our monkey-mind. Once we master this, nobody / nothing has the power to make us react any more. I'll let you know when I get there! It may take a couple more lifetimes! ;)

Warmly,

Lise
Health Coach and Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com