It Was All a Big Lie

-Mindfulness Bites-

It Was All a Big Lie

by Lise Villeneuve

Up until my mid-twenties, my goal in life was to fit in and chase the things or opportunities that would supposedly make me happy. Like everyone else my age, I was just trying to figure things out. It was a jungle out there. I learned by following the example of the majority. I learned things like "the right career and the right relationships will make me happy." These beliefs seemed to make perfect sense at the time, so I didn't question them. I also learned that the external world and other people had the power to make me feel angry, stressed, sad, anxious, happy, fearful...etc. I accepted this belief, not realizing that by doing so, I had given away my power to a completely unpredictable and confused world. From that moment on, my inner peace depended entirely on external circumstances. I felt increasingly anxious and disconnected.

Another belief I adopted by default was "I should avoid pain and discomfort at all costs, because these are likely to mess up my life." Nobody I knew ever talked about facing negative feelings, but if I ever wanted to drown my sorrows in beer, or get distracted with a party, shopping or a movie, I always had plenty of company. As a young ambitious student and musician, I had always been taught to focus on my future. That's where my happiness was to be found: somewhere down the road. So I waited and waited for it until I started to suspect that it was all a big lie.

From my mid-twenties to the present moment, I have been unlearning all these distorted and damaging beliefs. I have been rewriting the programming, undoing the conditioning that carved such deep grooves in my psyche. It's truly shocking to see that almost everything I believed was completely backwards. The widely accepted beliefs that promised happiness were the ones that led me straight to hell. This slow unravelling, this shedding of false beliefs is was has brought me the greatest levels of peace, well being and clarity today.

I have selected a few quotes from some of my favourite teachers. Some of these may surprise you, because they go against some of the widely accepted beliefs I was talking about. Read them with an open mind and see if they go against what you have accepted as true. Feel free to share your comments below.

Wishing you true, lasting peace

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

---------------------------------------------------------

The Real Source of our Negative Emotions & Stress

"The rationalizing mind prefers to keep the true causes of emotion out of awareness and utilizes the mechanism of projection to do this. It blames events or other people for "causing" a feeling and views itself as the helpless innocent victim of external causes. "They made me angry." "He got me upset." "It scared me.""World events are the cause of my anxiety." Actually, it's the exact opposite. The suppressed and repressed feelings seek an outlet and utilize the events as triggers and excuses to vent themselves. We are like pressure-cookers ready to release steam when the opportunity arises. Our triggers are set and ready to go off. In psychiatry, this mechanism is called displacement. It is because we are angry that events "make" us angry. If, through constant surrendering, we have let go of the pent-up store of anger, it is very difficult and, in fact, even impossible for anyone of any situation to "make" us angry. The same, therefore, goes for all other negative feelings once they have been surrendered."

-David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph. D, Letting go, The Pathway of Surrender (p.17)

"There is much attention and publicity given to the subject of stress without a real understanding of its essential nature. (...) The real source of "stress" is actually internal; it is not external, as people would like to believe. The readiness to react with fear, for instance, depends on how much fear is already present within to be triggered by a stimulus. The more fear we have on the inside, the more our perception of the world is changed to a fearful, guarded expectancy. To the fearful person, this world is a terrifying place. To the angry person, this world is a chaos of frustration and vexation.(...) What we are holding inside colors our world. The basic rule is that we focus on what we have repressed. (...) Stress results from the accumulated pressure of our repressed and suppressed feelings. The pressure seeks relief, and so external events only trigger what we have been holding down, both consciously and unconsciously."

-David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph. D, Letting go, The Pathway of Surrender (p.15)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Conflicts in Relationships

"The truth is that your partner is your mirror. He or she always reflects you back to yourself. If you think there's a flaw in him, that flaw is in you. It has to be in you, because he's nothing more than your story. You are always what you judge in him to be in the moment. There's no exception to his. You are your own suffering. You are your own happiness." 

-Byron Katie, A Mind At Home With Itself (p.238)

"When you realize that there's no such thing as a self or an other, you realize that all human relationships are reflections in the mirror. It's not you that people like or dislike; it's their stories of you. They aren't attacking you or leaving you; they're attacking or leaving who they believe you are. What does any of that have to do with you? You're their projection, just as they are yours. Realizing this makes it easy not to be affected by praise or blame.(...) If someone rejects you, he could only do that because you don't match his beliefs about how he wants the world to be. (...) If he criticizes you, and you take that personally, you're the one who hurt you. The story you impose onto his criticism is where the pain begins. You're arguing with reality, and you lose."

-Byron Katie, A Mind At Home With Itself (p.153)

"Peace doesn't require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there."

-Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Avoiding Discomfort and Painful Feelings

"We have tried everything to get rid of suffering. We have gone everywhere to get rid of suffering. We have bought everything to get rid of it. We have ingested everything to get rid of it. Finally, when one has tried enough, there arises the possibility of spiritual maturity with the willingness to stop the futile attempt to get rid of it and, instead, to actually experience suffering. In that momentous instant, there is the realization of that which is beyond suffering, of that which is untouched by suffering.. There is the realization of who one truly is. "

-Gangaji

"We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy."

-Pema Chödron, When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Hard Times

"And so, there's the ebb and flow. If you are at this one point of the cycle, there's no use in crying about it because the cycle will cycle itself out. By surrendering to whatever is cycling up, it eventually disappears. You disappear it by choosing to be one with it and refusing to want to change it as it arises. Do this continuously, no matter what, nonstop."

-David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

"Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know."

-Pema Chödron, Comfortable with Uncertainty

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Finding Peace

"As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve. and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action."

-Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is."

-Eckhart Tolle

"When you believe a thought that argues with reality, you're confused"

-Byron Katie, A Mind At Home With Itself 

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment."

-Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

The ONE Thing To Know...

-Mindfulness Bites-

Mindfulness or Mindlessness?

By Lise Villeneuve

If you asked me to share just one simple mindfulness concept with you, this would be it. What I’m about to explain is so basic and so simple, yet it has the potential to completely transform your life by freeing you from so much unnecessary suffering. Are you ready to hear it? First, imagine you had an app or a device that could automatically track, identify and record every single one of your thoughts (I know it’s just a matter of time before such a thing exists!) How many thoughts do you think you would approximately have each day? Scientists tell us we think an average of 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day -that’s 35 to 48 thoughts per minute! They also estimate that about 80% of our thoughts are mostly negative. Imagine if we had such an app that tracked all our mental chatter. What do you think we would learn from closely monitoring our thoughts?

Can we control our thoughts?

First, I think the vast majority of us would be amazed at how truly unaware we are of our thoughts. We would be so surprised to review all the things we’ve been telling ourselves in a day: all the little stories we cling to, the judgements, the fears, the beliefs, the assumptions, as well as our hopes, dreams and positive thoughts. It would be quite an eye-opener to see the contents of our minds in one day, but I think what would shock us the most would be the realization that our thoughts are so random and extremely repetitive. We would eventually come to the conclusion that despite what we may believe, we have very little control over our thoughts. If you don’t believe me, sit quietly for five minutes and observe your mental chatter. Can you control it?

Can we control our emotions?

What do you think is the second major thing we would learn from using a device that could instantly show us our thoughts? We would see that what we think directly influences how we feel. Our thoughts generate emotions, and in turn, our emotions give rise to more thoughts, then round and round the cycle goes. If our device showed us we were stuck in negative thinking patterns, then we would immediately make the connection between our dark thoughts and our bad mood, or our discomfort. But here’s the kicker: negative thinking patterns don’t just include self-critical thoughts. They include any thoughts that argue with reality. You know, the thoughts we have that resist what is, the thoughts that fight against what has already happened. The shoulds and shouldn’t haves of our minds. We all have them.

I can't believe she did that...

If our app could clearly show us the thoughts that fight with what is, we would immediately understand how much stress they cause us. “She should or shouldn’t have said that.” We would see how such thoughts - regardless if they are true or not - completely rob us of our natural state of peace and well being. We would notice how much energy we waste by clinging to these thoughts and stories that end up making us feel miserable. With the extra awareness and clarity provided by our device, we could look at any one of our thoughts that argue with what is, such as “He should or shouldn’t have done that” and we could then ask ourselves “when I cling to this thought, how does it make me feel?” What does that feel like in my body? Try it now. Think of a recent situation when you felt irritated, frustrated, sad or angry. What were you telling yourself? How did that make you feel?

After having identified the type of stress, discomfort and resistance created in your body from having focused on that particular thought or story, the next logical step would be to ask: “How would I feel - who would I be - if I didn’t have that thought, or if it never came to my mind?” Again, it doesn’t matter if the thought or story are true, justified or not. How would you feel if you simply didn’t entertain that thought?

Does positive thinking work?

Of course if it weren’t for our neurotic minds, we would all be in a permanent state of bliss. Our challenge is to end the war with our minds, to accept what is - including our compulsive thoughts and our mental stories. And how can we do this? By meeting our fearful, jealous, angry, depressed and resistant thoughts with understanding and compassion. Simply pushing our negative thoughts away or replacing them with positive thoughts doesn’t work. That’s like a band-aid solution: it’s superficial and it prevents us from deeply healing our psychological wounds. We all carry these wounds. Here’s the good news: our negativity can be a blessing because it shows us the parts of ourselves that need our attention, care and compassion. So we have two choices. We can either remain attached to our thoughts and stories and consequently have to deal with the suffering they cause us, or we can sincerely investigate them, learn what they are trying to teach us about ourselves and grow. Mindfulness teaches us how to do this inquiry. It encourages us to become lovers of what is. This is the most direct path to inner peace and freedom.

Putting up with people's B.S.

Investigating our stressful thoughts - especially recurrent thoughts like the ones that make us feel confused, frustrated, sad, angry or any other negative emotion, doesn’t mean we have to put up with people’s B.S. It doesn’t mean we can’t act or initiate change, and it doesn’t invalidate our feelings or our experiences. Sometimes we falsely believe that by holding on to anger, resentments or worry, we remain in control, or we teach others a lesson. But what really happens is that we block off our own energy by holding on to this toxic negativity. Questioning our stressful thoughts doesn’t mean we have to take all the blame, admit defeat or let others walk all over us. So what is the purpose of inquiry?

A person or situation can't make us feel anything

Inquiry simply bring us back to a state of peace, calm and clarity by examining the direct connection between what we are telling ourselves and what we are feeling. It’s never a situation or a person that make us feel anything. It’s always our thoughts about the situation or the person. This is excellent news, because we have the ability to question our thoughts, to meet them with understanding and to become more aware of their power over us. Questioning our thinking helps us release those negative emotions that hold us down, it removes confusion and it gives us peace of mind. It is from this new place of clarity that the best solutions to our problems and conflicts naturally arise. We can now take action without being angry, sad, confused or fearful.

3 questions that will change your life...

We may not have an app to help us track our thoughts yet, but that’s OK, because we have our negative emotions to help us out. They are like our alarm signal that lets us know it’s time to question our thoughts. It’s time for inquiry: what am I thinking right now? (specifically identify your stressful thought, write it down if you can) How do I feel when I think that? (identify your emotions and notice where you feel any body sensations) How would I feel if I didn’t have that thought? (specifically describe how you think you would feel) These questions might seem obvious or simplistic and you might be tempted to just dismiss them, but if you try them out, you will immediately understand their value. These questions were inspired by The Work of Byron Katie. There are a few more steps we can take to get the most out of inquiry, but for now, focusing on these three questions is more than enough.

Bring on the negative thoughts...

There is no need to try and stop, change or eliminate our negative thoughts, because they are our teachers. They show us the patterns that hold us back and keep us trapped in suffering. All that is required is to notice our thoughts, to meet them with compassion and to allow, welcome and release the emotions they stir up. That, my friends is what I wanted to share with you. Inquiry will truly set you free.

Sincerely,

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Answer To The Anonymous Question I Received...

The Universe has amazed me once again with synchronicity. Just last night, I was somehow drawn to watch interviews with Byron Katie -an American woman who struggled through 10 years of depression, rage and self-loathing and who spontaneously woke up one morning in a state of constant joy that has not left her for 22 years. What transformed her life? Byron Katie suddenly understood that when she believed her own thoughts, she suffered, and when she simply questioned these, life became effortless.

After her major awakening, Byron Katie created a simple 4-question process called "The Work" that helps people break free from their limiting thoughts. She has helped millions with The Work and Byron Katie is now known all over the world. She has written many best-selling books, was featured on countless shows such as Oprah and is in high demand for workshops and public speaking everywhere. You can imagine how thrilled I was when she agreed to be featured on my website in a interview for Conscious Living Solutions in August 2015.

Like I said, last night, for some reason, I wanted to know more about Byron Katie even though I had already interviewed her in the past. Her process really resonated with me and reminded me that we are not our thoughts. Some authors, such as Eckhart Tolle, are brilliant at explaining this concept, but when it comes to applying it in our daily lives, it can be a little overwhelming and discouraging. Byron Katie figured out an easy, practical way for people to start freeing themselves from their minds -which is the most direct path to end suffering. It's free, available on her website and accessible to all.

So what's the synchronicity I was referring to? Well this morning I received this anonymous message via my website:

"I really wanted to start my spiritual journey, but what troubles me the most are my thoughts. I get afraid of things that I have never done and these thoughts continue to wander in my mind until I become frustrated. I have learnt that thoughts create our reality according to the law of attraction and these thoughts which are actually my fear are generated again and again against my wish. These thoughts can actually become my reality. Tell me what I can do to stop these thoughts."

As soon as I read this message, I knew that the best resource I could offer would be "The Work" of Byron  Katie! We can't stop our thoughts, but we can become more aware of them. We can remind ourselves that who we truly are is much more than our thoughts. We can invite more stillness into our lives in order to allow ourselves to experience the deep peace of being without the compulsive need to do, or think all the time.

Whoever you are, dear anonymous friend, I hope this helps! Thanks for your question. You are mirroring what millions of others are also asking at this time. I believe that we were somehow connected through your question, the web, Byron Katie and my sudden impulse to watch her videos last night! The Universe works in miraculous ways!

Thanks for reading,

Lise

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Calling All Superstars of Spirituality...

What do all these beautiful people have in common? A strong desire to assist others as they heal into consciousness. To name just a few, Michael A. Singer, Byron Katie, Dr. Richard Moss and all the others above deeply understand that our individual awakening efforts directly impact the current state of our planet. Peace, harmony, love and joy, these all bloom from our hearts. As each flower slowly opens, its fragrance gently embraces other emerging buds. We are all divine flowers, even though many of us still think we are merely thistles. It's our purpose to rediscover the truth of who we really are. Haven't we suffered enough?

Lately, I have had the great pleasure of communicating with many wise souls via e-interviews on our website (Conscious Living Solutions). What an amazing opportunity to be able to get a glimpse of their unique perspectives and insights related to awakening and consciousness! I genuinely feel blessed to be doing this "work", even though it feels more like play. It's incredibly uplifting to reach out to others who are also passionate about awakening to their true essence! I consider many of these individuals "Superstars of Spirituality", as paradoxical as those words sound together! :)

We live at a time where we are ALL called to become superstars of spirituality. There is plenty of room on the stage. If you'd like to be featured on our website as an emerging or even an advanced "Awakener", here's how. If you are a spiritual teacher and you'd like to answer some of the questions we have received from our readers, click on the link above. If you have any questions related to living a more conscious life, we'd love to hear them! Thank you for sharing this post!

Warmly,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com / www.consciouslivingsolutions.com