When the Steam is About to Blow...

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom.

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Part Three:

Practical Solutions When the Steam is About To Blow

Part 2 of this article was about what we can do to help our loved ones through an emotional storm. We went over the following five points:

1) Start by teaching and practising prevention of negative emotional states;

2) Understand the real cause behind any emotional upset;

3) Address the internal, emotional problem first;

4) Remember to anchor yourself, don't take things personally, and

5) Be a catalyst for healing

If you've read parts one and two of this article, you will probably know the answer to this question: what is the best and only way to permanently release our negative emotions?

The Best Way to Deal with Negative Emotions

The answer is to face them consciously. That means fully feeling the emotions without adding more thoughts to them. It means observing and breathing out this wave of emotional energy as it passes through our body. Instead of trying to change it, attempting to escape from it, hiding it from ourselves or blaming it on external causes, we simply sit with it, surrender the uncomfortable emotions and let them go. This process of releasing can sometimes be over in just a matter of minutes, and the end result of consistently letting go of these toxic emotions will completely heal your life. It's extremely beneficial to practice this technique daily, either for minor annoyances or for deep wounds -but having access to a safe space is preferable in this case. Once the emotions have been released, it’s helpful to make a conscious decision to focus on something uplifting afterwards.

The Letting Go Upgrade

The letting go technique is surprisingly simple and powerfully effective, yet we have been conditioned to follow the “seek pleasure and avoid pain at all costs” program. When we become more conscious, we discover that we have the possibility to re-write our programming. If you’re reading this, you have already been upgrading from “Survival 101” to “Thriving 007.” You rock!

The Fine Print

BUT. When deep, dark and heavy negative emotions are stirred up, practising the letting go technique requires a safe, intimate, space. You can imagine how awkward and inappropriate it would be to "let go" in the middle of a conference call with your colleagues, in line at the grocery store or during an exam. Maybe the day will come when the world becomes so conscious that it will be socially acceptable for everyone to practice this technique in public, but until that day comes, we also need some other, less disruptive strategies to help us deal with our darkest pain -when it shows up in public!

Socially Appropriate Substitutes

If you are a parent, a teacher, or even a human being wanting to effectively release negative emotions (because we all know that parents and teachers have a certain super-human quality), you will soon discover that finding a balance between the authentic letting go technique and a more socially appropriate substitute is truly an Art. How deeply will you be able to facilitate healing while at the same time remaining practical and realistic about the environment you are currently in? Sometimes, the best we can offer is a band-aid solution, a temporary fix, but if this is done consciously, then it’s better than many alternatives - such as shaming our loved ones for the way they feel, or forcing them to suppress emotions. Also, when dealing with children who are not your own, it may be best to avoid diving in too deeply into the source of their pain, especially if there is a history of trauma.

So what are some socially appropriate substitutes to the letting go technique?


Physical Space 
Sometimes, just having a little physical space to process discomfort can go a long way. If at all possible, allow your loved one to sit quietly in a calm and comfortable area. Let them breathe it out with their eyes closed. You can remind them to just watch what is happening inside them without resisting it, or feeding it more mental energy. Gently show your support by stating that, as uncomfortable as they might feel, negative emotions are important because they give valuable feedback. You can help them verbalize their emotions and thoughts if they are open to that.

Baby Steps
When access to a quieter space is not possible, or when it's not appropriate to fully feel and release the motherload of negative emotions, you can focus on a single aspect of what's causing the discomfort (as opposed to diving deeply into it). Try to let that single thing go and then use any of the distraction ideas below to move on. For example, if you are heartbroken about a relationship ending, pick a single thing about that person you are able to let go of (such as taking walks together at lunch time). Fully feel the pain related to that specific situation, release it, and then focus on something else.

Distractions
As most of us already know very well, distraction is our best friend when it comes to avoiding our pain. Sometimes it's OK to consciously choose distraction, and we can use it as a tool with our loved ones when their environment is not appropriate for deep healing. Some great distractions are: taking a break, playing a game, having a snack, engaging in some kind of physical activity, going for a walk, listening to music, having a good laugh, talking to a friend, thinking about your latest or greatest success, noticing what's right, or doing something creative.

Beyond Emotions

Emotions and thoughts are important, but as we raise our consciousness, we start to understand that who - or what - we are, transcends even our thoughts and emotions. Ironically, as our awareness increases and we become more detached from the thoughts and emotions we used to derive our sense of identity from, the emotions we experience become increasingly positive. Why? Because as we release our negative baggage, our level of consciousness increases, and we become a match to the higher frequencies on the scale of emotions : which are all the positive emotions! Denying the presence of our negative emotions by merely thinking positively actually keeps us trapped in lower negative states. There is much healing to be done in this world, my friends, so now that we know how to help ourselves and others to release negative emotions, let's get started!

More resources:

• A short story and relaxation meditation that teaches kids how to manage their strong negative emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson D.

• A short story and fun activity that teaches kids about the scale of emotions and how they can self-regulate their emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson E.

• A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the three reasons why their thoughts are so powerful: Conscious Kids, Lesson F.

• A short story and empowering activity that teaches kids how to turn any negative situation into a positive affirmation: Conscious Kids, Lesson H.

• A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the nature of their negative emotions, as well as what triggers them: Conscious Kids, Lesson L.

• A short story and practical activity that teaches kids about three choices they always have that allow them to keep their cool in any situation: Conscious Kids, Lesson M.

• A short story and powerful activity that teaches kids how to release their negative feelings: Conscious Kids, Lesson U.

Do you know of other techniques or strategies that work well to manage strong negative emotions? Don't hesitate to share them in the comments below! Thanks so much for reading!

Warm regards,

Lise Villeneuve

Creator of Conscious Kids

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Things I Wish I Knew: The Paradox of Pain

Things I Wish I Knew:The Paradox of Pain

I wasn’t consciously aware of it, but I have been searching my entire life for something I only recently discovered. How different things could have been had I known this earlier on! So much unnecessary suffering could have been avoided. I wasn’t even aware that I was trying to escape my pain at any cost.

Just Fitting In

Like everyone else around me, I was just doing whatever I could to avoid feeling those queasy, raw, edgy feelings of discomfort whenever they showed up. Denial, projection, repression and suppression were my strategies of choice to run away and escape from those negative feelings. I kept myself as busy and distracted as I possibly could in order to ignore or numb the underlying pain. I was fortunate enough to have a fairly normal childhood with no major trauma, yet the pain had been building up over the years, simply as a condition of living in a world that encourages and rewards disowning and projecting our negative feelings onto others.

What Problem?

Since I didn’t even know there was a problem - this denied pain I was carrying around everywhere was preventing me from experiencing true joy and inner peace - how was I to know there was a solution that could dramatically improve my quality of life? Why wasn’t I taught this simple solution in elementary school, or in University, when I got my psychology degree? Maybe it was best that I discover these things on my own, when I was ready to truly hear them. After all, I believe everything in this universe unfolds in perfect divine order. My journey into the heart of consciousness has allowed me to grow, to unlearn and to peel off many of the layers of protection I had built around myself. Now, I am happy to be able to share what I have discovered with others. And what is that?

The Exact Opposite Of What We Do

The pathway to true freedom and inner peace is so simple, yet it is counterintuitive and rather uncomfortable. We are all wired to seek pleasure and to avoid pain. Evolutionarily, this has ensured our survival. However, we are now at a stage in our evolution that allows us to soar beyond mere survival. Now more than ever before, we have the potential to thrive. We can reach levels of bliss that allow us to transcend the drama and suffering of this world. But for that, we have to stop running from our pain. There is no other way around it. We have to willingly welcome our pain and then let it go. We can learn to see pain for what it is – trapped emotions from our past – not who we are.

Breaking Free

As unpleasant and challenging as it may appear, we can all find the courage to face those uncomfortable feelings that make us squirm, hide, run, blame, judge, and sabotage ourselves. Once we become aware of the many avoidance behaviors or crutches we desperately cling to in order to push the pain away (keeping busy, alcohol, food, sex, television, isolation, projection onto others...etc), we can start to crack the walls of the prison that has been keeping our pain inside all these years. We can stop reacting to life from a place of fear and instead start to see our triggers as opportunities, or invitations to actively release the hurt we have been carrying inside for too long.

Run, Forrest, Run!

So when that queasy, edgy feeling returns, we can stay present with it instead of trying to make it go away. We can observe what’s happening inside our body and let the emotions come out instead of running from them, or demanding that people or circumstances stop poking us where it hurts. Once the negative feelings have been released and we feel ok again inside, all our energy becomes available for problem solving, for simply enjoying the moment or for actively creating the reality we choose.

Healing From The Inside Out

It takes a while to get used to it, but this process of facing and surrendering our pain can be embraced daily. At first it might feel strange and terrifying, but as you keep releasing the negative feelings and then consciously refocus attention on positive things that allow you to feel good, you will heal your life from the inside out. When we are brave enough to face our pain, we eventually become fearless. When we are fearless, all the boundaries and limits we set around ourselves crumble. Paradoxically, fully feeling and releasing our pain is the quickest way to end our individual and collective suffering.

So there you have it. Now I know... and so do you! Thanks for having taken the time to read!

With Love,

Lise

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Some People Are So Infuriating!

Warning: this is going to be a venting blog. And yes, probably the last one I write about our five kittens. Someone asked me if I would be willing to experience having kittens in our home all over again. My answer to that would be an unequivocal yes...IF it were not for one major annoyance.

What annoyance was that? Cleaning the litter? Nope. The kittens were no bother at all. Taking care of them was effortless. Believe it or not, it's the humans wanting to adopt them who have been our biggest challenge. This has been frustrating beyond words.

Don't get me wrong, as of now, all the kittens have good homes to go to. Their owners are kind, generous, trustworthy individuals. But it's taken a LOT of effort to find reliable people. I recently had to re-home two of the kittens because people either broke their commitment at the last second or they demanded to have the babies before they were promised and ready.

Today the kittens are almost ten weeks old and they are still drinking milk with their mama. Their bond is very strong and beautiful, and although mom and her kittens would probably survive being separated at this stage, it would just be wrong to pull them apart.

Right from the start, I have been very clear about when the kittens would be ready for adoption: at twelve weeks of age. Some people think all kittens are automatically weaned and ready to go at eight weeks, but it's clearly not the case with this litter.

Understandably, everyone is eager to get their kitten as soon as possible, but it's truly disappointing to see how many people put their own needs and wants before those of the animals -as though they were some kind of toy or accessory. These demanding people showed their true colours and it was a good thing, because our sweet kittens didn't end up in their claws. Meow.

As you can see, this has stirred up a lot of frustration and irritation inside me. I have come to accept that any negative emotion that surfaces does so because of an internal overload. In other words, the "bad" cat owners are not the source of my anger, they are merely the triggers of this already present anger that had been suppressed or repressed unconsciously. This trigger gave me an opportunity to become more aware of my pent-up store of anger. I guess I was like a pressure-cooker just waiting for the perfect opportunity to release steam. I feel much better now.

What's amazing is that when we constantly surrender and let go of our negative emotions as they arise, it becomes impossible for anyone or anything to "make" us angry, or sad, or frustrated, or anything. Then we are free to solve our problems with a clear mind, instead of having to deal with the emotional mess we carry inside.

If you'd like to know more about the mechanism of letting go, I highly recommend the book Letting Go, by Dr. David Hawkins.

With Love,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com