"No, I Won't Pick Up My Toys!"

As I sit down to write this blog, I hear the loud, whining moan of a siren coming from my son's fire truck a few feet away from me. Ah, yes, the perfect soundtrack for inspiration! I guess I am blessed, once again, with an opportunity to practice non-resistance of what is. Our children are really little gurus in disguise, even though it's hard to admit it at times.

We only react negatively towards our children (or anyone) when we fall into unconsciousness ourselves. When we realize that the unconscious behaviours of others is what triggers our own unconsciousness, then we can stop taking things so personally. "He did this to push my buttons, she did something unforgivable, unacceptable." Awareness allows us to see things in a more neutral perspective, as an observer who is not as personally invested in the challenging situation.

For example, if I ask Théo to pick up his toys and he starts to shout "no, I won't pick up my toys!", my ego might immediately feel threatened and think "how dare this little boy question my authority? I am the parent, I am in control and if my child doesn't do exactly as I say, I am failing as a mother." These unconscious thoughts might cause me to start feeling powerless and angry, and instead of keeping my cool and explaining calmly to Théo what the consequence of his actions would be (such as taking the toys away for a certain time if they are not picked up), I might fall further into unconsciousness myself. I could start yelling, or I might decide to withdraw from the situation completely, ignoring his defiant behaviour and therefore reinforcing a disobedient attitude next time.

For the record, Théo is still playing nicely at the moment, his temper tantrum was just a fictional example. He would NOT be happy with me spreading rumours about him on Blogger like that! ;)

Parenting is hard! I mean, our kids challenge us constantly, and we usually have a split second to react. It's obviously much easier to just get angry than to stop, breathe and think "the unconsciouness in my child is triggering my own unconsciousness. Can I stay calm and objective in this situation without feeling threatened, insulted, hurt or disappointed by my child? If my child was fully conscious, he / she probably wouldn't be acting this way. Can I help him / her navigate through these feelings without taking things personally as a parent?" Yeah, that just doesn't come naturally most of the time! Eckhart Tolle never had children, either. ;)

We can`t expect ourselves to always have this awareness, but we can certainly keep practising every day and pat ourselves on the back when we DO succeed. Do you have an example of a challenging situation with someone where you were able to stay fully present and aware? What happened?

Have a great weekend!

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com