It Was All a Big Lie

-Mindfulness Bites-

It Was All a Big Lie

by Lise Villeneuve

Up until my mid-twenties, my goal in life was to fit in and chase the things or opportunities that would supposedly make me happy. Like everyone else my age, I was just trying to figure things out. It was a jungle out there. I learned by following the example of the majority. I learned things like "the right career and the right relationships will make me happy." These beliefs seemed to make perfect sense at the time, so I didn't question them. I also learned that the external world and other people had the power to make me feel angry, stressed, sad, anxious, happy, fearful...etc. I accepted this belief, not realizing that by doing so, I had given away my power to a completely unpredictable and confused world. From that moment on, my inner peace depended entirely on external circumstances. I felt increasingly anxious and disconnected.

Another belief I adopted by default was "I should avoid pain and discomfort at all costs, because these are likely to mess up my life." Nobody I knew ever talked about facing negative feelings, but if I ever wanted to drown my sorrows in beer, or get distracted with a party, shopping or a movie, I always had plenty of company. As a young ambitious student and musician, I had always been taught to focus on my future. That's where my happiness was to be found: somewhere down the road. So I waited and waited for it until I started to suspect that it was all a big lie.

From my mid-twenties to the present moment, I have been unlearning all these distorted and damaging beliefs. I have been rewriting the programming, undoing the conditioning that carved such deep grooves in my psyche. It's truly shocking to see that almost everything I believed was completely backwards. The widely accepted beliefs that promised happiness were the ones that led me straight to hell. This slow unravelling, this shedding of false beliefs is was has brought me the greatest levels of peace, well being and clarity today.

I have selected a few quotes from some of my favourite teachers. Some of these may surprise you, because they go against some of the widely accepted beliefs I was talking about. Read them with an open mind and see if they go against what you have accepted as true. Feel free to share your comments below.

Wishing you true, lasting peace

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

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The Real Source of our Negative Emotions & Stress

"The rationalizing mind prefers to keep the true causes of emotion out of awareness and utilizes the mechanism of projection to do this. It blames events or other people for "causing" a feeling and views itself as the helpless innocent victim of external causes. "They made me angry." "He got me upset." "It scared me.""World events are the cause of my anxiety." Actually, it's the exact opposite. The suppressed and repressed feelings seek an outlet and utilize the events as triggers and excuses to vent themselves. We are like pressure-cookers ready to release steam when the opportunity arises. Our triggers are set and ready to go off. In psychiatry, this mechanism is called displacement. It is because we are angry that events "make" us angry. If, through constant surrendering, we have let go of the pent-up store of anger, it is very difficult and, in fact, even impossible for anyone of any situation to "make" us angry. The same, therefore, goes for all other negative feelings once they have been surrendered."

-David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph. D, Letting go, The Pathway of Surrender (p.17)

"There is much attention and publicity given to the subject of stress without a real understanding of its essential nature. (...) The real source of "stress" is actually internal; it is not external, as people would like to believe. The readiness to react with fear, for instance, depends on how much fear is already present within to be triggered by a stimulus. The more fear we have on the inside, the more our perception of the world is changed to a fearful, guarded expectancy. To the fearful person, this world is a terrifying place. To the angry person, this world is a chaos of frustration and vexation.(...) What we are holding inside colors our world. The basic rule is that we focus on what we have repressed. (...) Stress results from the accumulated pressure of our repressed and suppressed feelings. The pressure seeks relief, and so external events only trigger what we have been holding down, both consciously and unconsciously."

-David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph. D, Letting go, The Pathway of Surrender (p.15)

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Conflicts in Relationships

"The truth is that your partner is your mirror. He or she always reflects you back to yourself. If you think there's a flaw in him, that flaw is in you. It has to be in you, because he's nothing more than your story. You are always what you judge in him to be in the moment. There's no exception to his. You are your own suffering. You are your own happiness." 

-Byron Katie, A Mind At Home With Itself (p.238)

"When you realize that there's no such thing as a self or an other, you realize that all human relationships are reflections in the mirror. It's not you that people like or dislike; it's their stories of you. They aren't attacking you or leaving you; they're attacking or leaving who they believe you are. What does any of that have to do with you? You're their projection, just as they are yours. Realizing this makes it easy not to be affected by praise or blame.(...) If someone rejects you, he could only do that because you don't match his beliefs about how he wants the world to be. (...) If he criticizes you, and you take that personally, you're the one who hurt you. The story you impose onto his criticism is where the pain begins. You're arguing with reality, and you lose."

-Byron Katie, A Mind At Home With Itself (p.153)

"Peace doesn't require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there."

-Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

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Avoiding Discomfort and Painful Feelings

"We have tried everything to get rid of suffering. We have gone everywhere to get rid of suffering. We have bought everything to get rid of it. We have ingested everything to get rid of it. Finally, when one has tried enough, there arises the possibility of spiritual maturity with the willingness to stop the futile attempt to get rid of it and, instead, to actually experience suffering. In that momentous instant, there is the realization of that which is beyond suffering, of that which is untouched by suffering.. There is the realization of who one truly is. "

-Gangaji

"We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy."

-Pema Chödron, When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Hard Times

"And so, there's the ebb and flow. If you are at this one point of the cycle, there's no use in crying about it because the cycle will cycle itself out. By surrendering to whatever is cycling up, it eventually disappears. You disappear it by choosing to be one with it and refusing to want to change it as it arises. Do this continuously, no matter what, nonstop."

-David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

"Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know."

-Pema Chödron, Comfortable with Uncertainty

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Finding Peace

"As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve. and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action."

-Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is."

-Eckhart Tolle

"When you believe a thought that argues with reality, you're confused"

-Byron Katie, A Mind At Home With Itself 

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment."

-Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth