Why do We Feel So Disconnected Despite Social Media?

Why do We Feel So Disconnected Despite Social Media?

"We are social creatures. We need one another to survive. That's partly why we so strongly gravitate to social technologies like Facebook and Instragram: social media allows us to come together to share ideas and love, regardless of location. But this comes at a cost." 

-David and Austin Perlmutter, M.D., Brain Wash.

I think many of us underestimate how truly disconnected we are from ourselves and from others these days - despite being "connected" online for an average of 142 minutes per day! (Digital Information World, January 4, 2019, www.digitalinformationworld.com). How do we really feel after we've done our daily dose of social media duty? Less lonely, more fulfilled, inspired and genuinely connected to others? Remember how you felt the last time you went out for coffee with a friend, or did something in person with someone you enjoy spending time with. How does that feeling compare to what you experienced after logging out of Facebook or Instagram today?

(In the digital world) "we cannot really touch one another, smell one another, detect facial expressions or moods, and so on. Real bonding is more biological than psychological and requires physical contact. The emotional entanglement of real friendship produces oxytocin and endorphins in the brains and bodies of friends - cementing them together in ways that are more profound than other relationships."

-Stephen Asma, The Emotional Mind

Of course, social media offers many benefits and most of us still interact with other humans on a daily basis, but I think we need to remind ourselves that one of the things we are searching for via social media - genuine and meaningful human connections - simply can't be found online. More than ever, we need to spend quality time with each other in person. Our brains are wired for real, human interactions and our mental health will be jeopardized if we cut ourselves off from this basic need. I think many of us can already feel this sense of empty disconnection. Think about our younger generations for one minute. This is their "normal." How scary is that? At least some of us older folks remember what life felt like before the social media craze. Has it added meaning and joy to our lives, or does it impede our ability to live to the fullest?

"The simple art of behavioral cues that we pick up in person when someone is leaning into our conversation, blushing at a comment, or even shifting in her seat is all lost when we rely solely on technological exchanges. We encode our memories through our senses: the smell of the grass when we had our fist kiss, the comfort from a warm cup of hot chocolate, or even the familiar sounds of the birds from your childhood home are all sensory inputs that bring us front and center to an emotional space we encode into a permanent memory. As we fall into this digital world and learn to live without these emotional connections, we lose part of what makes us social beings interconnected through humanity, grace and, and love. "

-Dr. Lisa Strohman, Psychologist and expert in technology wellness

I am as guilty as anyone for spending too much time on social media. However, the emptiness I feel after using Facebook is allowing me to appreciate my in-person connections at a whole new level. I clearly see how much sharing space with others is so vital for my well-being, my sense of belonging and my general outlook on life. I feel extremely grateful to have the opportunity to share deep and meaningful conversations with the lovely new friends I meet on a regular basis at the Himalayan Meditation Centre where I teach mindfulness and meditation.

In this compassionate and non-judgmental space, masks come off, hearts open, tears flow freely, hugs are given. As we sit together and share our individual concerns, we see that we are not alone. We see that others are carrying the same fears and burdens as we are, and this brings tremendous relief. We laugh together, we support each other, we listen to each other and we grow together. There is so much healing love there! This is the power of community. Many of us don't know each other well at all, some of us have just met, yet we experience this heartfelt connection with each other, and that's all that matters. What a gift. I am so grateful to have this safe and joyful space that allows me to fully be myself without feeling judged. I think everyone needs that.

Here's the good news: we can use social media to find our tribe! Find your community, express your true self fearlessly and heal your heart in a safe and sacred space where you will feel supported and connected to others. It's more important than ever to do this! Reach out and change lives, starting with your own! It feels amazing.

Kind regards,

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com