Why do We Feel So Disconnected Despite Social Media?

Why do We Feel So Disconnected Despite Social Media?

"We are social creatures. We need one another to survive. That's partly why we so strongly gravitate to social technologies like Facebook and Instragram: social media allows us to come together to share ideas and love, regardless of location. But this comes at a cost." 

-David and Austin Perlmutter, M.D., Brain Wash.

I think many of us underestimate how truly disconnected we are from ourselves and from others these days - despite being "connected" online for an average of 142 minutes per day! (Digital Information World, January 4, 2019, www.digitalinformationworld.com). How do we really feel after we've done our daily dose of social media duty? Less lonely, more fulfilled, inspired and genuinely connected to others? Remember how you felt the last time you went out for coffee with a friend, or did something in person with someone you enjoy spending time with. How does that feeling compare to what you experienced after logging out of Facebook or Instagram today?

(In the digital world) "we cannot really touch one another, smell one another, detect facial expressions or moods, and so on. Real bonding is more biological than psychological and requires physical contact. The emotional entanglement of real friendship produces oxytocin and endorphins in the brains and bodies of friends - cementing them together in ways that are more profound than other relationships."

-Stephen Asma, The Emotional Mind

Of course, social media offers many benefits and most of us still interact with other humans on a daily basis, but I think we need to remind ourselves that one of the things we are searching for via social media - genuine and meaningful human connections - simply can't be found online. More than ever, we need to spend quality time with each other in person. Our brains are wired for real, human interactions and our mental health will be jeopardized if we cut ourselves off from this basic need. I think many of us can already feel this sense of empty disconnection. Think about our younger generations for one minute. This is their "normal." How scary is that? At least some of us older folks remember what life felt like before the social media craze. Has it added meaning and joy to our lives, or does it impede our ability to live to the fullest?

"The simple art of behavioral cues that we pick up in person when someone is leaning into our conversation, blushing at a comment, or even shifting in her seat is all lost when we rely solely on technological exchanges. We encode our memories through our senses: the smell of the grass when we had our fist kiss, the comfort from a warm cup of hot chocolate, or even the familiar sounds of the birds from your childhood home are all sensory inputs that bring us front and center to an emotional space we encode into a permanent memory. As we fall into this digital world and learn to live without these emotional connections, we lose part of what makes us social beings interconnected through humanity, grace and, and love. "

-Dr. Lisa Strohman, Psychologist and expert in technology wellness

I am as guilty as anyone for spending too much time on social media. However, the emptiness I feel after using Facebook is allowing me to appreciate my in-person connections at a whole new level. I clearly see how much sharing space with others is so vital for my well-being, my sense of belonging and my general outlook on life. I feel extremely grateful to have the opportunity to share deep and meaningful conversations with the lovely new friends I meet on a regular basis at the Himalayan Meditation Centre where I teach mindfulness and meditation.

In this compassionate and non-judgmental space, masks come off, hearts open, tears flow freely, hugs are given. As we sit together and share our individual concerns, we see that we are not alone. We see that others are carrying the same fears and burdens as we are, and this brings tremendous relief. We laugh together, we support each other, we listen to each other and we grow together. There is so much healing love there! This is the power of community. Many of us don't know each other well at all, some of us have just met, yet we experience this heartfelt connection with each other, and that's all that matters. What a gift. I am so grateful to have this safe and joyful space that allows me to fully be myself without feeling judged. I think everyone needs that.

Here's the good news: we can use social media to find our tribe! Find your community, express your true self fearlessly and heal your heart in a safe and sacred space where you will feel supported and connected to others. It's more important than ever to do this! Reach out and change lives, starting with your own! It feels amazing.

Kind regards,

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

What I Never Had The Guts to Express...

I love these guys, Y and C. We've known each other for years, possibly even lifetimes. We used to sing and tour everywhere together. Somehow, when we are reunited -even if it's been decades- there is instant harmony between us. It's as though our individual quirks are simply allowed to be as they are, and this authenticity oozes out as a kind of glue that bonds us into whacky and joyful chemistry.

Feels Like Pretending

But to be perfectly honest, I feel the need to express something. This journey of awakening has transformed life from the inside out, and I find that my relation to "other", any other, has shifted tremendously. Now that I have found the clarity to describe my perspective in words, I'd like to share it because I know that I am not alone. However, I have often felt like I was on a very lonely road. I was unable to fully comprehend what was happening and I didn't quite understand how that affected my interactions with others. But now I see that I was simply caught in a little dance. I was being pulled from one side to the other, spinning between the perspectives of duality and oneness. Sometimes I still feel like I have to pretend, or play along to something that is complete fabrication. I want to talk about that.

My World Has Collapsed

But before we can go any further, we have to go back to the essential question. What am I ? This simple question has completely transformed how I live each day. As I have slowly been letting go of deriving a sense of identity from my mind, body, emotions or perceptions, as I have been continuously and painfully surrendering false ideas of separation, individuality and control... the world has changed. It seemed foolish and terrifying to even want to go there at first - to "lose everything" that I spent a lifetime building and polishing. But now that these superficial structures are crumbling, I can feel the wind in my hair, the sun kissing my skin, and it feels like my true home. It feels like peace. It tastes like freedom.

Never Going Back

I would never go back to living in that hypnotic trance that convinced me that I was something other than pure awareness. This truth that I have come to know is so simple, yet so easily forgotten. Our human conditioning  is so very strong, so entrenched. The world is not there to support our awakening, to encourage us to  melt into the oneness of existence. On the contrary, everything reinforces the idea of personhood and individuality. I say bullshit, because life - surrendered to the Divine - has never tasted sweeter. No need to even mix religion into this. Religion is of the mind. God doesn't need religion to exist. We don't need the mind to FEEL, to KNOW what we truly are in this very moment. We have always felt it. We are life itself, unpolluted by the misperceptions of the ego. It is powerful, pulsating and filled with love.

Yet, how we cling to this illusion that we are the "doer of actions." We cling out of fear, but once we let go, once we trust the deep wisdom that is essentially what we all are under our layers of constructs, life takes care of us. No (restless) mind, no problem. Miracles everywhere. No more "me" and "you", only blooming love. Simple.

Just a Play?

Still, everyday is like a dance, as I get pulled between duality and oneness. I forget, then I remember again and my heart fills with joy and peace. Being with the ones I love brings me back to the familiar conditioning -duality and personhood. In this perspective, I feel like I have to play along, to almost pretend, in order to relate to others in a compassionate and socially appropriate manner. Honestly, I often sense that there isn't much to converse about. The past and the future are not alive in this moment. I have no strong opinions or beliefs, I let things be as they are, and I'm not here to convince anyone of anything, because we each have our own path that will eventually lead us to that freedom that is already within. I'm quite comfortable with silence, and I don't mind listening deeply -although I do it with my entire being, not just the mind, and I won't always say what people want to hear. Sometimes it's  best to say nothing at all. I don't need to be entertained or distracted, I am quite content in solitude.

Boring, Boring, Boring...

So I guess that makes me pretty boring in the eyes of many, but that's OK. I'm not as invested in the changing forms of this world as I once was. I see people as what they truly are -pure love and unlimited consciousness. Sometimes, that makes it hard for me to buy into the little stories our minds cling to. Still, I am deeply respectful and grateful for all the wonderful people in my life - whether their acceptance is present or not.

It feels good to be able to freely express my genuine perspective, as I slowly and gracefully learn to shift from a life of duality to one of unity. I know that as these roots grow deeper and deeper into my being, eventually there will be no more dance, no more gear changes from one perspective to the other. There will only be stillness. Thanks for reading.

Much love to you,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com