I recently got flashed back to when our daughter came home from public school - when she was just nine years old. Very often, she would walk in the door, immediately run to her room, slam the door and be in a mood until supper time. Our son Théo often did the same thing when I picked him up from preschool. When he got home, he needed to vent all that stress and pent-up frustration he had accumulated during the day. It was only at home that he finally felt comfortable enough to let it out -thankfully. Did you ever experience this with your kids?
Model Students?
I realise now that our kids simply didn't know how to deal with their (socially unacceptable) negative emotions when these came up at school or preschool, so they did the only thing they could to not disrupt the class : they ignored the emotions, repressed them and let the pressure build up inside... until they got home.
Stress, Negative Emotions and The Brain
I've been homeschooling my kids for over six years now, and we have totally fallen in love with this way of life. For us, it means more flexibility, creativity, efficiency and autonomy. It means more fun learning and less stress. But this blog post is not about the pros and cons of homeschooling. It's about what we can do to help kids thrive in a learning environment. Many of my friends are wonderful teachers and I think it's important that we have an open and honest conversation about what we can do to help kids cope with their strong negative emotions in the classroom, as well as at home. We all intuitively know what research has proven: that stress and negative emotions are detrimental to learning.
Nobody Can Escape
BUT. Whether we want to admit it or not, most of us experience negative emotions on a daily basis, despite the fact that we highly resist the discomfort these bring. They are just a normal part of life. Kids in the classroom are not exempt from negative emotions - au contraire! Like Emma and Théo, many kids are obedient and they are eager to please their teachers or parents - but this doesn't mean they don't feel stressed out at times or are immune to experiencing strong negative emotions. In fact, the best behaved kids are probably more likely to repress and suppress their negative feelings in order to comply. All emotions that are not acknowledged, expressed or neutralised remain stuck in our bodies, so it would be extremely helpful to give students some tools, strategies and even a little physical space to help them cope with their negative emotions.
Classrooms of the Future?
Wouldn't it be life-changing to remind kids that they don't have to be ashamed, or embarrassed about the way they feel, even if they feel irritated, or angry, or scared? Wouldn't it be easier to teach a class if each student knew how to self-regulate his moods, especially when those big, scary negative emotions return? Isn't it pointless to try to force-feed information to a pupil who is emotionally overwhelmed? I know that many teachers are doing the best they can, often with overcrowded classes and tight schedules. But small, incremental changes in our attitudes towards negative emotions can start to make a big difference.
Théo's Tantrum
Wednesday this week, Théo was having a rough morning. For some reason, he was feeling very irritated -even before we sat down for school. This intense mood made it difficult for him to focus on the French lesson we were doing together. He ended up throwing his pencil across the table and yelled "I'm not doing this!" This is not typical for him. I simply said "I can see you are feeling very frustrated right now, why don't you take a little break, do something that will help you to feel better, and we'll get back to this later." I added "you know there's nothing wrong with feeling frustrated, right? It's OK if you feel this way." Théo looked a little surprised and relieved.
A Blessing In Disguise
It's in that moment that I realised how lucky I was to be able to witness the tantrums, the anger fits, and the negative self-talk when they happen. Why? Because at least our kids are comfortable enough to spontaneously express their negative thoughts and feelings -as opposed to repressing or suppressing them for fear that they might be considered disruptive, inappropriate or socially unacceptable. And rightfully so. Théo would probably never have the guts to act out like this in a classroom. Honestly, I prefer the tantrum over the repression of his feelings.
The Most Valuable Subject?
I am grateful to have the opportunity to teach kids how to honour and learn from their strong negative emotions. Science, math, French, music and social studies are all very interesting, but mindfulness may be the most important and valuable subject they ever learn.
If you'd like some mindfulness resources for kids, including how to work with strong negative emotions, please go to my website, www.lisevilleneuve.com and look for Conscious Kids or Enfants Lucides in French. I have also created a deck of free, printable mindfulness cards that is great in the classroom or at home.
Each one of us is changing the world right now.
Peace!
Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com
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