Who Wants To Join Me In Cuba?

I did it. I booked my ticket to Cuba yesterday and I'll be leaving at the end of April for a week! I'm not going with the family, this is a recharge-mom's-battery kinda trip. Not that my battery is at a critically low point, but that's precisely what I'm preventing by taking some time off like this. After all, as a Health and Wellness Coach who constantly praises the benefits of self-care, I have to practice what I preach! Lol. Nothing relaxes and grounds me more than the ocean. I plan on getting plenty of exercise, rest and fresh food. The kids and daddy will spend a week with their cousins, so they'll be breaking their routine and having a good time too!

To be honest, I actually find it quite difficult to be away from the kids. We spend so much quality time together homeschooling that I consider it painful to be away from those sweeties. It's a good spiritual practice for me to notice how much my monkey mind constantly obsesses about the kids. When I'm away from them, I realize how deeply attached I am. I'm also forced to temporarily let go of my identity as a mother. It feels wonderfully liberating to be able to go play and explore the world all on my own. Whenever I get a chance to do that, amazing synchronicities always seem to pop up.  This will be the perfect opportunity to let my intuition guide me towards experiences that raise my awareness. And when I come home, I'll have so much love to give it will be sickening!

Yup, the first step to feeling empowered and in control of our life is through daily self-care. This doesn't mean you have to go to Cuba, but it does mean you have to eat real food, get some exercise, sufficient rest, and do something you love on a daily basis. If you don't, you'll burn out and you won't be able to give to others. It all sounds obvious, yet how many of us actually give ourselves the minimal requirements of self-care? Just the food we put in our mouthes changes everything! That food becomes our cells, our brain, our thoughts, our emotions, our perceptions, our reactions! How much life force is present in what we are eating these days? I challenge you to take extra good care of yourself this week and see how that affects your energy level!

If you'd like some guidance on how to take great care of yourself in order to create the life you truly want, I have 2 remaining openings in my group coaching class that starts April 18th 2015 here in Edmonton. If Edmonton is not in your neck of the woods, that's ok, I've also designed an online self-care program that gives you simple, step-by-step guidelines each week. Don't hesitate to contact me for more information.

If you prefer, you can simply meet up with me in Cuba!:)

Warmly,

Lise
Health Coach and Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Did You Turn Into A Frustrated Adult?

In a sense, kids are our best spiritual teachers. The younger ones intuitively know how to live in alignment with their heart and spirit. They know their purpose: to enjoy life! When they are hungry, they eat, when they are tired, they sleep (most of them, anyway!). They unashamedly express ALL their emotions, despite the fact that some are less socially acceptable. If they feel sad, they cry. If they feel angry, they express their anger. When they are happy, everybody knows about it and it's contagious! Kids don't over rationalize things, they simply go with the flow and do what they love in the moment. They are unapologetic about who they are, and their self-worth is intrinsic.

It's unfortunate that society slowly teaches them to grow up and "evolve" into serious, responsible, adults who, in many cases, end up being completely disconnected from that free-spirited and happy being they once were. 

Welcome to the world of adults! Instead of honouring all our emotions, it's more appropriate to wear masks and only show a happy face even when we feel sad, depressed, anxious or angry. Instead of doing what we love, it's more responsible to keep a secure job we hate. Instead of loving ourselves just as we are, we equate self-worth with academic or professional achievement, financial success, social status, material possessions and power. Instead of allowing ourselves to play, to follow our bliss, to enjoy this precious time we have, it's more mature to be serious and lost in our compulsive thoughts. Who wrote these rules, anyway? They SUCK!

No wonder so many adults are unhappy, depressed, sick and even suicidal. We have to change our way of life! We have to go back to the way we lived when we were kids! We've really got it all backwards as adults. Do we want our children to lose this magical connection to their hearts? Of course not. Is it even possible to prevent them from becoming the typical sleepwalking, frustrated adult? Yes! The answer, my friends, is consciousness! Let's help each other wake up from the dream of this physical reality. Let's become more aware of the power of our spirits. Let's take baby steps to slowly reconnect to our inner-child. What's one single step you can take today that's in alignment with what your heart wants?

Warmly,

Lise
Health Coach and Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Are You On The Express Way To Lasting Happiness?

I had a vivid flashback from my past life yesterday!

I'm not talking about a past life in a different body from this one, I'm simply referring to my past as a singer-songwriter and touring artist...and let me tell you, it does feel like it was in another lifetime! As exhilarating as it was, I would NOT go back to that lifestyle as I feel much more balanced and content now. Have a look at the video above, you'll see what that looked like. Why am I even writing about this topic, you may ask?

Well, yesterday, we helped my parents move some junk out of their basement. There was a large box of my old stuff, and in it, I found a thick file of emails my dad had printed and kept. They were all emails I had sent him during my "I'm-trying-to-make-it-in-the-music-business" years. Wow. I can't believe how much clarity I gained from reading those old messages! It almost felt like putting a puzzle together. I told Rob, as I was reading one letter after the other, that it felt as though I was reading someone else's life, not mine!

I almost felt nauseous, as my body was flashed back to some of the predominant emotions I felt back then: insecurity, anxiety, confusion, powerlessness. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad. My life was like a giant, exciting adventure that brought me all over the globe, but when you're on a roller-coaster ride, you have to expect extreme highs and extreme lows. I was fully embracing the polarities of life, completely unaware that my ego was in the driver's seat!

What I found the most difficult - but probably didn't have the hindsight to realize back then, was that my success depended on everyone else's approval : the record producers, the tour organizers, the radio stations, the judges at the music competitions, the people who approved the grants, even the public who listened to my music! Talent, discipline and determination were just not enough for me to keep moving forward. I had to scramble from job to job, never knowing what was coming up in the next few months.

I considered myself to have been one of the lucky ones, too, since I won some competitions, had a unique opportunity to do a solo tour in 8 countries, worked on cruise ships and received funding to produce my CD and music video. Despite the exhilarating ride, what started out as a love and passion for music turned into pressure and high expectations of perfection from myself and everyone. What I really wanted was to feel loved, appreciated, special and validated -just like everyone, right? However, it took me awhile to realize that I would never find those things through a career, no matter how successful I'd get.

When I came back home to Montreal after my whirlwind world tour, things fell apart. At least, that's what it looked like on the surface, but now I realize it was the beginning of true sanity. Nothing made sense to me any more, I was pregnant and I went through this deep, dark depression. It was sort of like a "dark night of the soul". I thought I'd never snap out of it, but I did after a few months, and it was the beginning of my gradual awakening. For the first time ever, I discovered what the ego was, and I understood how it had been a major driving force in my life. Although part of me had been seeking truth through writing and songs, the lifestyle I had been living didn't make sense to me any more. Seeking happiness externally was futile.

I am so thankful to now have this clarity! I am much more aware of the many superficial, yet alluring ego traps society offers us. I know there is nothing wrong with pursuing projects, goals and ambitions, as long as we don't expect to find fulfilment through these secondary roads. I now know that the Express Way to lasting happiness, peace, joy, harmony and love is Consciousness. It will drive you right back to your heart and spirit.

Warmly,

Lise
Health Coach and Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Dummy's Guide To Conscious Relationships

This post is a continuation of my previous one entitled "Is Your Relationship Dysfunctional Like Mine?" You can read it here: http://lisevilleneuve.blogspot.ca/2015/03/is-your-relationship-dysfunctional-like.html

I showed my husband Rob the title of my previous post and it didn't take him too long to read it! Lol. I was pleasantly surprised by his feedback. He thought that supporting each other in order to become more conscious was a good idea. Great! Now, we just need to figure out how the heck we will do that! Here is my Dummy's Guide to Conscious Relationships...

Why Would We Want To Become More Conscious Anyway?
Basically, we all have two choices. Either we keep living our lives the same way we always have -unconsciously attached to our egos- and therefore we keep perpetuating our cycles of pleasure and pain, positivity and negativity, attachment and detachment, happiness and unhappiness, or we rise above these polarities and considerably reduce our level of suffering once and for all. Option two is only possible through awareness. Without consciousness, all relationships between people are essentially dysfunctional, because they are built upon the superficial and unstable structure of the ego. If we want to experience authentic, harmonious, drama-free relationships, then the key is to grow in awareness. This will allow us to experience compassion, true love, joy and lasting peace. Sound good to you?

What Causes Our Suffering?
We suffer when we resist what is. When we expect things, situations and people to be different from what they are, our inner-resistance causes us great pain. This emotional pain is experienced as anxiety, anger, resentment, jealousy, depression, even illness. The root of our pain is that we derive our sense of self -our identity- from our thoughts, our beliefs, our emotions, our opinions. our physical body, our wounds from the past, our personal "story". Meet the ego! The ego is not our true essence, as spiritual beings, it only keeps us trapped in a very limited perspective. It makes us defensive, reactive and fearful, because we think that we're isolated and separate in our physical bodies, but this is just an illusion.

We're Experts At Fixing the Symptoms of Our Pain, Not The Cause
Instead of learning to accept whatever happens in the present moment (and dealing with it without necessarily having to experience strong negative emotions), we put all our energy towards fixing the symptoms of our unhappiness instead of the deeper cause, which is always an identification with our ego. For example, here are some of the things we do to avoid our own pain: eat, drink, do drugs, become workaholics, become emotionally unavailable, avoid relationships, blame everyone but ourselves, get stuck in cycles of anger, depression or illness, find distractions such as exercise, sports, travelling, television, the internet...etc. It's not that these things are all inherently bad, what's harmful is that we use them to escape feeling and releasing our pain. But what if we went straight to the root of this pain and looked it in the eye? What would happen? The light of our consciousness would start to replace the darkness.

How The Heck Do We Become More Conscious, Then?
It's not an easy task to undo our individual and collective conditioning! We can't expect to just break free from the ego overnight. Changing habits takes time, patience and self-compassion. I've been working towards this for over 10 years now! I go through periods of "waking up from the dream" and falling asleep all over again. We don't need anyone's permission or participation to work on our own awareness, however, if you are able to share this experience with someone willing to support you, it may accelerate the process for both of you.

Becoming the Witness
Essentially, the way to grow in awareness is to become the observer (or the neutral witness) of whatever is going on inside or outside of you. When you notice a strong emotion inside of you, such as fear, simply allow it to be by observing it. When you start to feed the fear with thoughts that increase its intensity, notice the thoughts without judging or resisting them. When you have a strong opinion about something, notice it without trying to change it. What you'll be doing is learning to recognize the power your ego has over you. This road will inevitably lead you to freedom from suffering.

Ganging Up On The Ego With Sign Language
Rob, since sign language is already an important part of our lives, (Rob's parents are deaf) I suggest we use a physical gesture in our family that will remind us to come back to our essence in the present moment. That gesture is the one Emma is doing in the picture above -the hand on the heart. With a simple deep breath, followed by a hand on our heart, we will be communicating to each other "I am present to myself right now, I am present for you, I will do my best to allow you to express what you are feeling without reacting, without being judgemental or defensive." Maybe I'll be the one to place my hand on my heart initially, only to fall back into ego mode a few minutes later. Maybe then, you will reawaken and pull me out of unconsciousness once again! Maybe we both will be arguing, completely under the ego's spell, and one of the kids will walk into the room, put their hand over their heart and make some magic happen! Maybe the kids will enjoy using this gesture with each other! It should be interesting to see how things turn out. What do you think, Rob? Would you like to give it a try?

Warmly,

Lise
Health Coach and Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Is Your Relationship Dysfunctional Like Mine?

Dear Rob,

Remember that picture? That was taken in Hartford back in April 2005. Emma was only about 8 months old, and we were off to see the Tori Amos concert. If I'm reminiscing a bit, it's because I miss the way things used to be between you and I. As you know, we've been having our fair share of disagreements lately. I was thinking about how we used to be much closer, we really enjoyed each other's company, and we hardly ever had fights. Now, our cycles of hurtful negativity seem to come back more often, and with much more intensity.

If I'm opening up about this, it's because I know that we are not alone! Unfortunately, the majority of human relationships -particularly intimate ones- are doomed to fall into this love-hate pattern sooner or later, unless a fundamental truth has been recognized. This may be hard to hear for some, but the fact is that very few of us understand what true love is. We simply can't experience true love if we are deriving our sense of self from our ego. It's impossible! Our idea of the "perfect relationship" has nothing to do with true love, but instead with gratification of our egos. True love doesn't suddenly turn into hate, resentment, judgements, blame, jealousy or expectations the minute our egos get threatened. True love is unconditional and it arises from deep within us, not from some exterior source. The polarities of love and hate that we experience in relationships have more to do with codependency than real love.

The problem is, we get into relationships for the wrong reasons. We hope to find lasting fulfilment and happiness, but unless we become aware that our ego will continually sabotage our efforts and create discord, power struggles, negativity and resistance, we will fail. We meet someone, "fall in love", and this allows us to feel more complete for awhile. In its initial, flowering stage, our relationship gives us the impression that the pain we all carry deep in our hearts suddenly dissolves. We feel good, the other one makes us feel loved and important, we are not alone any more. Our egos love this...until time passes and our partner starts to do things, say things, believe things that "we" (or our egos) disagree with. The effect of the "love drug" starts to run out, and guess what resurfaces? Our pain. It was always there to begin with, but we were too distracted to feel it. Now, it feels worse than ever. And who do we blame for it? Our partner!

Does this mean we should avoid relationships, or give up? Of course not. Once we understand the true, challenging nature of relationships, we can see how they offer us the absolute best opportunity to grow in awareness. But let's be clear about what we're getting into before we exchange phone numbers at the bar! There are two main phases in any relationship. Phase 1: we forget our own pain and our egos get strengthened. The "other" appears to be the source of our sudden bliss...until we reach Phase 2. In this second, much less romantic phase, our partners start to mirror back to us our wounds, our vulnerabilities, our weaknesses, and our egos feel extremely threatened, defensive, even aggressive. Our own unconsciousness will turn our partner into an enemy, unless our higher-selves are able to observe what's really happening. If this occurs, then the relationship has the potential to lead you to true fulfilment and happiness!

Rob, I am thrilled and hopeful, because I know this insight has the potential to change our lives. We both want the same thing: happiness. The most direct way to find happiness is through complete acceptance of the now, the present moment. It's not in the future, somewhere down the road, after years of therapy! Instead of both being slaves to our ego-selves, why not help each other see through our distorted veils of illusion? Can we support each other in becoming more aware and less attached to our beliefs, our thoughts, our opinions? Can we allow each other to express our emotions freely, without becoming defensive? Can we gently, lovingly remind each other when the ego has taken over again? This is truly what Conscious Living is all about, and I'm certainly up for the challenge. Are you with me? Let's help each other break free from the shackles of our ego!!

On another note, I realized today that the song I wrote a few years ago entitled "Et si on oubliait tout ça?" perfectly illustrates "egoic, needy love". You can listen to it by clicking on the link below. It will start to play automatically on the page. Yeah, it's all in French, sorry about that. Pour ceux qui parlent français, c'est à votre tour!! Merci de me lire en anglais!

http://www.lisevilleneuve.com/#!book-cd/cnec

Warmly,

Lise
Creator of Conscious Kids and Conscious Health
www.lisevilleneuve.com

What Your Anger Is Trying To Tell You...

Since my posts this week have been revolving around the theme of negative emotions, I'd like to take this opportunity to explore an emotion we are all very familiar with: Anger. Why do we feel so angry sometimes? What triggers us? What does the anger mean, beyond the fact that sometimes we feel like punching someone in the face...? Well, you might be surprised by what you are about to read.

I want to start off  by saying that ALL of our emotions are valid, therefore feeling angry is not bad, wrong, or shameful. Obviously, how we feel and how we act are two very different things. It's important for us to find appropriate (non-violent) ways to express our anger. Some of these could include crying, talking to a friend, working out, going for a walk, doing something creative, punching a pillow...etc.

Why Do We Feel Angry?

Whenever we feel angry, it's because we feel deeply threatened. Anger actually triggers a survival mechanism in us that distances us from the perceived threat. The anger, the rage and the hatred we sometimes feel are actually self-preservation instincts that cover up our feelings of powerlessness. We hide our fear, our hurt and our insecurity by appearing "tough", loud, and in control on the outside. Anger gives us the fuel needed to get back up and fight. Makes sense so far?

What's The Vibrational Scale Of Emotions?

Look at the picture above. It's a scale of our different emotions that are in order of highest to lowest frequency (Abraham-Hicks). Remember, everything in this universe is made up of energy, including your thoughts and emotions. In other words, when you are feeling joy, empowerment, freedom and love, you are at the very top of the emotional scale. These positive emotions vibrate at a much higher, faster frequency than those of fear, grief, despair and powerlessness.

Notice that anger is placed at number 17 on the scale. As I mentioned, anger masks our true feelings of powerlessness and fear (the lowest emotions on the scale), therefore if you look at this from a vibrational perspective, feeling angry actually gives you an advantage! It allows you to move yourself back up the scale much faster than if you were to get stuck in powerlessness, depression, or despair. However, some people feel so ashamed of expressing their anger that they bypass this emotional short cut and get stuck in cycles of depression and powerlessness. Wherever you end up on the scale, it's important to find the courage to face your negative emotions, to accept them with compassion and to understand what they are trying to tell you. I'll explain what anger is trying to tell you in a minute.

What Causes Our Anger?

First, I'd like to push your boundaries a little. This may be hard to hear for some. Try to read this through the perspective of your higher-self and not the ego. Here goes! Nobody "causes" us to feel a certain way. All emotions are derived from our interpretation of "reality" and from our judgements about how things "should or should not be". Yup, it's all about what we're telling ourselves. Nobody can make us feel good or bad without our prior consent! But you knew that already, right?

What Is The Anger Telling Us?

Although it may seem like people and circumstances are making you angry and pushing your buttons, if you take a closer look, you will notice that the anger you are feeling is like an alarm going off inside you. It's trying to tell you "you're disconnected from your needs right now, and you're violating your boundaries." In other words, something is out of alignment and needs your attention and loving care. When you feel angry, stop, breathe, and ask yourself "what need of mine is not getting met right now?" Instead of lashing out at the other person in a violent and confrontational way, are you able to find the strength to articulate what hurt or saddened you, and what exactly it is you need to overcome this? This approach (as opposed to more aggressive tactics) is much more likely to get your needs met, and to keep your stress level down! You simply can't feel angry when you are connected to your needs! The anger gives you a chance to transform your thoughts.

Once you understand where your anger is coming from (your interpretation of reality) and what it means (you feel threatened because your needs are not being met), you will be able to feel in control again. Since the vibration of anger is not a particularly pleasant one (and it sucks up a lot of energy), you can consciously move yourself up the scale of emotions we previously discussed. Let me show you how.

How Can We Make Ourselves Feel Better?

This scale is an extremely helpful tool, because it allows us to understand how to gradually move ourselves from lower emotions to higher ones. How do we do this? Simply by thinking or doing something that will make us feel slightly better. For example, if you are furious, start by figuring out which need of yours has not been met. Take care of yourself, this will automatically raise your vibration. You can think about something you are looking forward to, take a deep breath, pet your dog, go outside. Do whatever feels good to you. This will move you up the scale, from anger (17) to discouragement (16), or maybe blame (15), worry (14) or doubt (13). Even though you are not feeling blissful yet, cut yourself some slack, because you are in fact slowly improving your mood! It's unrealistic to want to instantly jump from being angry to feeling fantastic!

If all of this still seems a bit abstract to you, don't worry, it shouldn't take too long until I have plenty of personal, angry examples that  I can write about to help illustrate this somewhat theoretical post. :)

Warmly,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

"Mom, You Are Waking Up My Pain-Body!"

Something pretty cool happened this morning, but first, let me back up a little. Yesterday, as the kids and I were enjoying lunch, I was telling them about the realization I had this week. I wrote about it in my previous blog (Help! What Is Happening To Me?). In short, I told the kids that I was in a horrible mood for a few days but couldn't really put a finger on the exact cause. Well, this mood of mine turned out to be quite a lesson for all of us!

I explained to them that our thoughts create our emotions, so generally, when we start to feel bad, we can ask ourselves what thoughts may have created these negative emotions. Of course, the majority of our thoughts are involuntary and unconscious, which makes this exercise challenging at times. In my case, my dark mood just seemed to come out of nowhere, and being in that negative state of mind almost felt addictive and pleasurable. Emma said "Yes, I feel that way too sometimes when I'm in a bad mood. I kind of like it and I don't want to stop it." I then added "You're right, and I think I figured out why negativity, complaining and resistance have this addictive, pleasurable quality to them, which make them feel almost normal and beneficial to us." Why, mom?

Because they strengthen our ego. It's a tricky thing to explain the ego to children, but I basically told them that the ego is not the "real you". The real you is your spirit, and the ego includes your thoughts, your emotions, your physical body, your reactions and your opinions. I said "you see this cup? You can look at it, touch it, smell it, right? You are observing the cup, but you are not the cup." It's kind of the same thing with your thoughts, emotions and reactions. You can observe them, feel them, acknowledge them, but they are not the real you. The ego wants to make you believe that the real you IS those things, but that's an illusion! The real you is the awareness behind these things that are "happening" in your life, in your body, in your mind.

Why does the ego trick us like this? Because it's basically a big scaredy-cat! It's afraid of not being important enough, it's afraid of being alone. The ego believes it's separate from everything, but your true self knows that it's connected to everyone and everything. So, when we are negative, when we complain, it feels good to our ego because we tell it how "right" it is and how separate we are from everyone / everything else. In reality, we've just been punked by our ego!

Where am I going with this? Well, keeping our negative thoughts in check and focusing on positive ones instead is certainly a step in the right direction, but this still feeds our ego! Why? Because we are still identified with our thoughts! We are still deriving our sense of identity from our mind, instead of being the witness of our thoughts. And? We'll, that's fine, but it will inevitably create suffering for us. For as long as we identify with our ego (i.e, we take things very personally as opposed to witnessing them from a higher, more neutral perspective), we will keep feeding that inner-field of energy that holds all our suppressed pain and negative emotions. Yup, I'm talking about the "pain-body."

No matter how positive you are, if your sense of self is ego-based, your pain-body will eventually wake up from its dormant stage and feed on the negativity your ego craves! The pain-body is like a hungry monster hiding inside each one of us. Once he comes out, he can be very hard to control. He makes us feel angry, he makes us say and do things we regret sometimes, he makes us believe we "are" it. But we know better now, don't we? We are not our thoughts, our emotions and our reactions, we are the witness behind these. All we can do when the monster comes is to be as present as possible and let the emotions pass without fuelling them with more negative thoughts. Emma said this sounded "really freaky". She's right!

And now for the more entertaining part of this story. This morning, Theo (5) came into my room and started to get angry about something he wanted immediately. I told him he was going to have to be a little more patient, then he started threatening to hit me, he started taking some of my things and even shouted. Before I even said a word, he paused, looking reflexive. I said "what?". He replied "you remember what we talked about yesterday at lunch?" Yes, I said. He continued with "you are waking up my pain-body!" I was amazed! I congratulated him for noticing that. "You felt it in your body, didn't you, and you noticed it! Good for you!" And just like that, the mood stopped! I have to say, my ego felt validated!

However, about 20 minutes later, the monster came back...with a vengeance! Theo was now yelling, kicking, he was furious because his sister accepted to do the job he had refused. I know that it's during these times that we especially need to be present with our kids. Putting them in a time-out is like saying "shut up, what you are feeling is not important, your tantrum is inconvenient for me right now." Instead, it's our job to help them navigate their feelings and to show them appropriate ways to express their overwhelming emotions. The truth is, all emotions are acceptable, they are a part of being human, and when they are not allowed to be expressed, they remain in the body and eventually create neurosis and illness.

Theo is very aware that hitting is not acceptable. He knows the immediate consequence for hitting (he loses money from his earnings jar), and when he does, I simply say "you know hitting is not acceptable" and I take the money away without getting emotional, angry or reactive. I try to remain as present as possible. As long as he is not doing something inappropriate or harmful, I let him express his anger, and I try to validate his point of view. "When Emma decided to do the job you refused to do, that made you very angry, didn't it?" This usually helps to calm him down. I also remind him that it's ok to feel the way he does, and that soon, he will feel better. I tell him that I love him and that I want to help him feel good again. The rest is all about being fully present, non-reactive and patient. I remind myself not to take this tantrum personally. Theo calmed down, came and sat on me, I gave him some cuddles, and the storm was over. The pain-body expressed itself and then went back into its dormant stage once again. Thank you, Life, for giving us these intense "Pain-Body 101" lessons! Until the next time!

Warmly,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Help! What Is Happening To Me? (Part 2)

If you missed part 1 of this story, you can catch up here: http://lisevilleneuve.blogspot.ca/2015/03/help-what-is-happening-to-me.html

Once upon a time, not so long ago, this horrible, sudden, unexplainable mood fell over me. All I knew for sure was that this negativity was coming from a deep, dark, unconscious place. I desperately wanted to understand it, rise above it and feel "normal" again. So, I combined the knowledge and information that I had about resistance, negative thoughts, negative emotions, the ego and the pain-body (Eckhart Tolle) to make sense of it all. This is what I came up with...

Essentially, I was unsuspectingly abducted by my hungry pain-body. Lol. What that means is that all the negative, painful emotions that I suppressed or denied since childhood decided to pay me a little visit. The purpose of the visit was to "feed itself" off my negativity, by hijacking my brain and making it produce more compulsive, negative thoughts. You don't believe me? Just ask Eckhart Tolle! The pain-body is essentially created by a false sense of self (the ego). It has to "feed" every so often to sustain itself. This energy field of residual pain has triggers from the past that wake it from its dormant stage. It then becomes a highly charged and reactive seeker of unhappiness. It's almost like a psychic parasite that makes its host believe they are the ones needing the negativity and the drama. Sounds like sci-fi, doesn't it?

The reason why hanging on to my dark mood felt somehow pleasurable now makes sense. The negativity was misperceived by my ego as pleasure, because it was actually strengthening itself in the process. When we complain, resist, blame and resent, we reinforce the illusion of separation, of "the other", and we defend and justify our "rightness". For some reason, we believe that our negativity will somehow help us get what we want faster. Actually, it will do the exact opposite, it will give us more of what we don't want! Why? Because we get what we focus on, period.

So no wonder I had trouble identifying the exact source of this malaise that seemed to come out of the blue. I had long forgotten about the pain-body! I was relieved to read the following:

"When you feel the pain-body, don't fall into the error of thinking there is something wrong with you. Making yourself into a problem -the ego loves that. The knowing needs to be followed by accepting. Anything else will obscure it again. Accepting means you allow yourself to fell whatever it is you are feeling at that moment. It is part of the is-ness of the Now. You can't argue with what is. Well, you can, but if you do, you suffer." -Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

I guess this time I was not present enough to notice the pain-body's coup d'état. Darn it. I've gotten pretty good at tuning in to my body to detect the presence of negative thoughts and emotions, and I'm fully aware of the ego's tactics (holding everyone and everything else responsible for my own pain). The next step I hope to master is the disidentification from my thoughts, emotions and reactions. In other words, can I learn to be the awareness, the conscious presence that simply witnesses the thoughts, emotions and reactions without deriving my sense of self from them? Until then, I will continue to practice positive thinking!

Can you think of a time when your pain-body suddenly became active and fed on the negativity and drama in your life?

Warmly,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Help! What Is Happening To Me? (Part 1)

As usual, my blog posts are inspired by real events that I recently experience. I like to write about topics that are personally challenging and allow expansion, evolution and  growing awareness. This time, the subject is on negativity, and it took me a couple of days to get my thoughts together, because I was confused as hell. Here's what happened...

I was feeling good and everything was fine in my life until BAM! It felt like this dark, heavy cloud of negativity hung over me for almost a week. I'm not talking about PMS here! It was so intense and overwhelming, and I had no clue what the cause was. For example, I was shovelling the snow outside (an activity I generally enjoy because of the fresh air and exercise), and my thoughts were angry, obsessive-compulsive and irrational. I can't even tell you exactly what I was thinking about, it was so random, but the overall theme was intense resistance. As I was trying to find some awareness amid the storm, it occurred to me that my thoughts were trying to put the blame on "this or that" as a source of the dark mood, but none of it made sense. Ironically, I coach people and help them turn negative states into positive affirmations, so I was trying hard to will my way out of this one, but I failed miserably. What I noticed was that part of me didn't want to let go of the negativity! Hanging on to that mood was somehow giving me a sense of pleasure! How weird is that?

As my thoughts continued to downward spiral, I felt my body convert all these negative messages into negative emotions. Now I was feeling irritation, impatience, resentment, anger...and guilt, for feeling this way! The worst part was that I had no idea WHY all this was going on! Perhaps because I know that nothing outside of us is ever really responsible for our pain, and I'm aware that the little "stories" we like to make up about why we feel the way we do are often superficial. What I did know was that this angst was coming from a deep, unconscious place.

What was I to do? As much as I was trying to hide it, my mood was still affecting my sensitive kids. Rob was away (lucky him). I thought of blaming it all on him, but that wasn't satisfying enough ;) I was able to witness just how contagious this toxic energy was.

Well, I finally figured it out, (thank god), and I feel like myself again.What I discovered really opened my eyes...

Stay tuned for part II of this story coming soon!

Warmly,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com