Why do We Feel So Disconnected Despite Social Media?

Why do We Feel So Disconnected Despite Social Media?

"We are social creatures. We need one another to survive. That's partly why we so strongly gravitate to social technologies like Facebook and Instragram: social media allows us to come together to share ideas and love, regardless of location. But this comes at a cost." 

-David and Austin Perlmutter, M.D., Brain Wash.

I think many of us underestimate how truly disconnected we are from ourselves and from others these days - despite being "connected" online for an average of 142 minutes per day! (Digital Information World, January 4, 2019, www.digitalinformationworld.com). How do we really feel after we've done our daily dose of social media duty? Less lonely, more fulfilled, inspired and genuinely connected to others? Remember how you felt the last time you went out for coffee with a friend, or did something in person with someone you enjoy spending time with. How does that feeling compare to what you experienced after logging out of Facebook or Instagram today?

(In the digital world) "we cannot really touch one another, smell one another, detect facial expressions or moods, and so on. Real bonding is more biological than psychological and requires physical contact. The emotional entanglement of real friendship produces oxytocin and endorphins in the brains and bodies of friends - cementing them together in ways that are more profound than other relationships."

-Stephen Asma, The Emotional Mind

Of course, social media offers many benefits and most of us still interact with other humans on a daily basis, but I think we need to remind ourselves that one of the things we are searching for via social media - genuine and meaningful human connections - simply can't be found online. More than ever, we need to spend quality time with each other in person. Our brains are wired for real, human interactions and our mental health will be jeopardized if we cut ourselves off from this basic need. I think many of us can already feel this sense of empty disconnection. Think about our younger generations for one minute. This is their "normal." How scary is that? At least some of us older folks remember what life felt like before the social media craze. Has it added meaning and joy to our lives, or does it impede our ability to live to the fullest?

"The simple art of behavioral cues that we pick up in person when someone is leaning into our conversation, blushing at a comment, or even shifting in her seat is all lost when we rely solely on technological exchanges. We encode our memories through our senses: the smell of the grass when we had our fist kiss, the comfort from a warm cup of hot chocolate, or even the familiar sounds of the birds from your childhood home are all sensory inputs that bring us front and center to an emotional space we encode into a permanent memory. As we fall into this digital world and learn to live without these emotional connections, we lose part of what makes us social beings interconnected through humanity, grace and, and love. "

-Dr. Lisa Strohman, Psychologist and expert in technology wellness

I am as guilty as anyone for spending too much time on social media. However, the emptiness I feel after using Facebook is allowing me to appreciate my in-person connections at a whole new level. I clearly see how much sharing space with others is so vital for my well-being, my sense of belonging and my general outlook on life. I feel extremely grateful to have the opportunity to share deep and meaningful conversations with the lovely new friends I meet on a regular basis at the Himalayan Meditation Centre where I teach mindfulness and meditation.

In this compassionate and non-judgmental space, masks come off, hearts open, tears flow freely, hugs are given. As we sit together and share our individual concerns, we see that we are not alone. We see that others are carrying the same fears and burdens as we are, and this brings tremendous relief. We laugh together, we support each other, we listen to each other and we grow together. There is so much healing love there! This is the power of community. Many of us don't know each other well at all, some of us have just met, yet we experience this heartfelt connection with each other, and that's all that matters. What a gift. I am so grateful to have this safe and joyful space that allows me to fully be myself without feeling judged. I think everyone needs that.

Here's the good news: we can use social media to find our tribe! Find your community, express your true self fearlessly and heal your heart in a safe and sacred space where you will feel supported and connected to others. It's more important than ever to do this! Reach out and change lives, starting with your own! It feels amazing.

Kind regards,

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Can You Hear The Whispers of Your Heart?

It had been another deeply fulfilling, yet very tiring day. I was homeschooling my two children full-time back then - all in French. What a precious and joyful time that was for our family! I was also working with clients part-time on Saturdays, doing counseling, health coaching and giving various health and wellness talks. It was the Fall of 2015 and I was putting my sweet little boy to bed. The evenings were a time for rest and relaxation, and I was looking forward to doing nothing.

Suddenly, a thought zapped down into my awareness like a bolt of lightning. It was totally unexpected. The thought had an immediate effect on my body - which was instantly energized to the max. Somehow, I could not doubt or question this information that spontaneously downloaded into my brain at that moment. I just felt extremely motivated and inspired to get to work... pronto, despite my deeply fulfilling, yet very tiring day!

It wasn't the first time I experienced these sudden flashes of non-negotiable inspiration. I knew that I could trust that feeling, that rush of "yes, this feels so right, show me what to do next!" During my singing and songwriting years, this happened frequently. The feeling would come, then I would open my heart and let it guide me into birthing a song that seemed to want to be born at that time. So what exactly was the thought that struck me, back in 2015?

It was something like this, although it was not experienced verbally: "You are ready to write Conscious Kids, a mindfulness program for children. Start now. There will be 26 lessons. Follow the guidance." I know it sounds a little nuts, but I did it anyway. It took a while, but I wrote all 26 lessons. Every time I was writing a mindfulness story, I could tune in to the way I was feeling to assess if I was following the inspiration / guidance or not. If it felt easy and light, I knew I was open enough to receive the information that wanted to flow in. I had never written anything like this Program before. It was truly an amazing and humbling process.

So much has happened since 2015! The guidance has never left me. I am so grateful for that, because it has brought so many miraculous gifts into my life. I know what it feels like to try to push and make things happen, as opposed to just allowing things to unfold organically. These two ways of acting in the world feel very different. The ego loves to push and its motivation is generally fear, greed or power. The heart acts out of love, out of inspiration and sincerity. It's easy to know when we're following our heart because whatever we're doing has an energy that feels joyful, peaceful, loving and gentle. Anything we do that is inspired by the heart has greater power. Others will feel it, as it has a higher vibration than any ego-driven initiative.

The spiritual heart guided me to make the Conscious Kids Program available online, then it encouraged me to teach it to kids and their families in person, here in Edmonton. I had to work through a lot of personal fears and anxieties in order to do this, but I'm so glad I did. I am now teaching exactly what I needed to learn and practice the most. The heart certainly knows what it's doing! Back in 2015, I never would have imagined that in a few years I'd be training Instructors to teach the Conscious Kids curriculum, or that I'd be running a Mindfulness & Emotional literacy class for adults, but here I am, in complete AWE and gratitude.

Trust the guidance of your heart. It truly knows best what will bring you lasting peace and joy. Follow your feelings of inspiration, creativity and lovingness.

Kind regards,

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

5 Life Hacks I Secretly Experienced in Cuba

Photo credit: Yvon Loiselle

I was recently in Holguin, Cuba, with a small group. I left Edmonton feeling tired, stressed and in need of some serious physical rejuvenation. I returned home after one week in Cuba feeling like a kid on Christmas morning! It's been over three weeks since my return and I can still feel the positive effects from this trip of a lifetime!

What was it about this trip that made it so special? I've been to Cuba many times before and have travelled all over the world, but there was something uniquely different and refreshing about my recent experience in Holguin. It's no mystery actually. This trip was extraordinary because of the wonderful, spontaneous, crazy, hilarious, generous, brilliant friends I was so fortunate to travel with. The chemistry in our group was deliciously electrifying! Every day was a sweet fiesta, and I have to mention that nobody in our group drank alcohol -except for me, I like the occasional cold cerveza.

I had SO much fun, and I also had realizations that deepened the sense of peace and contentment I still feel from this unforgettable trip. Charles, Catherine, Yvon, Nadia...here are the five life hacks I secretly experienced in Cuba:

Number 5:
I really enjoyed our little stretching and mindfulness sessions by the beach, but my experience was that mindfulness doesn't have to be done formally to be effective. It can be your little secret. During the entire trip, I was practising mindfulness for a few minutes here and there. I felt deep gratitude every time I saw a bird, a flower, a butterfly, the gorgeous ocean or when the breeze caressed my skin. I'm sure you all did too, right? I mean, it was difficult NOT to find a reason to be grateful in this paradise. It may sound silly to even mention, because gratitude comes so naturally when we immerse ourselves in something different and special. The trick is to keep it up every day, especially when we are back in our routines at home, because an attitude of gratitude radically changes our perception, alters our brain and enhances our mood. Now that I have experienced the sublime power of gratitude in Cuba, I am reminded to keep practising it at home. After more than three weeks, I still feel like I'm on fire (in a good way, not talking about inflammation here :)

Photo credit: Charles Tanguay

Photo credit: Catherine Kubash

Here's another little secret. Every time I walked down that cobblestone path that led to the beach, I breathed deeply, one step at a time. I felt the heat under my bare feet, and I noticed what I was feeling and thinking. Nobody had to know I was doing a "micro-meditation," I was simply bringing my awareness into my body in the present moment. I also did this while snorkeling, eating and floating in the pool. Back at home, I do this while I'm doing the dishes, gardening, walking...etc. No need to sit quietly on a cushion in a dark room. Life offers endless opportunities to practice mindfulness in a way that is integrated to our everyday activities. I think it's even more effective this way.

Photo credit: Lise Villeneuve

Number 4:
It was my experience that taking good care of the body (regular movement, eating well, sweating a lot and drinking gallons of water) allowed me to really feel grounded in my physical vessel. It may sound obvious, but sometimes I have a tendency to be more in my head and less in touch with the body. This very embodied awareness I felt in Cuba made it easier for me to physically feel and release any passing emotions that wanted to arise. As a result of this practice of letting go of old emotional "stuff", the mind quickly became a lot quieter and peaceful. I remember just sitting on the beach one morning, feeling overwhelmed by this strong wave of gratitude. I felt the emotion move through me and it spontaneously moved out as tears. There was no hesitation or resistance. I felt absolute peace. At home, I am reminded of the importance of daily physical movement to feel fully grounded in my body. This really does make a huge difference in our physical and emotional well being.

Photo credit: Charles Tanguay

Number 3:
I realized that from this place of grounded presence in my own body, it became a lot easier to remain aware of the stressful thoughts that inevitably came up now and then. In a state of embodied awareness, I found that it was much easier to question the validity of my stressful thoughts and, more importantly, to be able to notice the immediate negative impact these thoughts had on my body (contraction, heaviness, rigidity, lethargy). The connection between thoughts, the body and emotions became crystal clear to me and any emotional tension could be spontaneously released through this awareness. The result of this was a lot more energy because emotions were not being repressed or suppressed in the body. At home, I am reminded to question my thinking anytime I start to feel physical tension or contraction.

Number 2:
Hanging out with this bunch of clowns in Cuba, I was reminded that no matter how mature or refined we think we are, we are all children at heart. We should give ourselves permission to sing, dance, play, laugh our butts off and enjoy life. Every. Single. Day. Not just on special occasions. Once we start allowing ourselves to shamelessly express our joy again (like we spontaneously did when we were little), we realize how naturally intoxicating it feels to be fully alive! Why the heck do we cut ourselves off from our own passion and playfulness? Yvon, Nadia, Catherine, Charles: you could give seminars on how to unleash the inner-child. I laughed so hard it hurt. At home, I am reminded to live joyfully from the heart, to follow my creative impulses (no matter how embarrassing that may look), and to seek the company of people who are not afraid to live fiercely and freely.

Photo credit: Yvon Loiselle

Number 1:
To quote one of my very favourite authors, Dr. David Hawkins: "Nothing in the universe happens by chance or accident. The universe is a coherent concurrence and interaction of innumerable conditions attendant on the infinite number of energy patterns."

Photo credit: Charles Tanguay

Photo credit: Charles Tanguay

I believe everything we experience serves our evolution. Everyone we meet is our teacher and our mirror. I don't think we have as much control over "our" life as we think we do, so we might as well enjoy the ride! Worrying is a waste of time anyway. All this to say that this experience was perfect in every way. Catherine, Charles, Yvon, Nadia: is it just me, or do you also feel like this trip was meant to be? I feel like my heart was broken wide open. Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. A quand le prochain voyage?

Warmly,

Lise Villeneuve
Mindfulness Teacher
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Are You in Edmonton? Do You Have a Spiritual Community?

My Deepest Desire
For the longest time, I have had this vision of being part of a loving, supportive community of spiritually aware and earnest individuals. This has been one of my deepest desires, because I have often felt like there were very few safe spaces in this society where I could freely express my non-dual way of perceiving reality without being judged or misunderstood.

Craving Genuine Connection
My heart and soul craved ways to truly connect with others on a profound level. By that, I mean having conversations and interactions that sometimes go beyond the current content of what's happening in our individual lives. I'm talking about not being afraid to dive right into the essence of our being. Who, or what are we? What are we doing here? What really matters? How do we reach our full potential as spiritual beings? What can we do to heal our hearts and our planet? What role does the ego play in our lives?

What Matters to Most...
My experience has been that for the majority of people, these topics are of little interest. What seems to be more important are things like "How can I experience more pleasure and less pain?" "What can I do to distract myself from those repressed negative thoughts and feelings I never want to face and feel?""How can I improve and reinforce this idea of a separate me by gaining more power, status, wealth, success...etc." Of course, nobody has these thoughts consciously, but these give us a glimpse into the basic survival programs that run most human behaviours on a very unconscious level.

Our Civilization Built on a False Premise
Spiritual devotees eventually discover that ultimately, there is no self, and there is no other. We don't "have a life". Life, or consciousness itself lives through us, but the ego takes credit for everything that happens and it completely distorts our perception of reality. Thanks to our neurotic and controlling egos, our entire civilization is built on a false premise of separation and individuality. This illusion is the source of the totality of our suffering!

The New Earth?
The ego was a natural part of our evolution and now we have reached a point where we are ready to transcend it. Our survival depends on it, actually. Many people nowadays are waking up from the ego trance and they understand the difference between the self and the Self. Still, it takes perseverance, willingness and courage to want to break free from the ego's old habits, thought patterns and conditioned programs -especially considering how unpopular this is in our modern narcissistic world. There are not many "I want to break free from the ego" support groups at this point in time!

We Are Stronger Together, as One
Over the years, I've had some wonderful experiences here and there that provided opportunities for genuine soul to soul connections with people who are brave enough to want to transcend the ego, however, they were not as frequent as I had hoped. The internet has allowed all kinds of spiritual groups to flourish, but let's face it, it doesn't compare to interacting face to face with another human being. We are social animals and we truly need each other. Communities have always allowed us to thrive and to survive.

A Dream Coming True
What we hold in mind tends to manifest, and so I am extremely grateful for the community that is growing and blooming at the Himalayan Meditation Centre here in Edmonton where I now work. I met Amchi Kunga -the owner of the Meditation Centre who was a monk for 15 years in Tibet- back in October 2018, and things have really been evolving since then. I teach mindfulness to kids and their parents on a weekly basis there and offer a variety of other classes / workshops / meditations. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to go to this welcoming place on a regular basis and participate in the meditations with other like-minded souls. It's so refreshing to be in a space of total acceptance and open-heartedness. I have made some wonderful friendships and I look forward to meeting other members of my extended soul family at this joyful centre.

Please Join Us!
We offer all kinds of conscious events for people of all ages (many of which are free or donation-based), so if you'd like to know more about the centre and/or be kept up to date with what's happening, please visit my website or sign up directly here.

Thanks for taking the time to read,

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Sleep, My Darling...

Sleep, My Darling...

If only we could see

How blind we are

If only we could know

How truly kind we are...

If only we could be

The ocean of peace

 That rests

Beneath the restless mind

Beneath 

Our thousand painful scars

If only we could see

Just what we are,

If only we were willing 

To heal those wretched scars

If only we could see

The Love beaming

From our radiant heart

Like a fire

Brighter 

Than a thousand stars

If only we could trust

That all is well

If only we could know

That all is One

We could peek through that rigid crust

Far beyond the ego's shell

Beyond the walls of our personal hell

If only we could see

That all is One

If only we could know

That all is well

Perhaps we could awaken...

Awaken from the spell

Until then,

Sleep, my darling...

Sleep well

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

It Was All a Big Lie

-Mindfulness Bites-

It Was All a Big Lie

by Lise Villeneuve

Up until my mid-twenties, my goal in life was to fit in and chase the things or opportunities that would supposedly make me happy. Like everyone else my age, I was just trying to figure things out. It was a jungle out there. I learned by following the example of the majority. I learned things like "the right career and the right relationships will make me happy." These beliefs seemed to make perfect sense at the time, so I didn't question them. I also learned that the external world and other people had the power to make me feel angry, stressed, sad, anxious, happy, fearful...etc. I accepted this belief, not realizing that by doing so, I had given away my power to a completely unpredictable and confused world. From that moment on, my inner peace depended entirely on external circumstances. I felt increasingly anxious and disconnected.

Another belief I adopted by default was "I should avoid pain and discomfort at all costs, because these are likely to mess up my life." Nobody I knew ever talked about facing negative feelings, but if I ever wanted to drown my sorrows in beer, or get distracted with a party, shopping or a movie, I always had plenty of company. As a young ambitious student and musician, I had always been taught to focus on my future. That's where my happiness was to be found: somewhere down the road. So I waited and waited for it until I started to suspect that it was all a big lie.

From my mid-twenties to the present moment, I have been unlearning all these distorted and damaging beliefs. I have been rewriting the programming, undoing the conditioning that carved such deep grooves in my psyche. It's truly shocking to see that almost everything I believed was completely backwards. The widely accepted beliefs that promised happiness were the ones that led me straight to hell. This slow unravelling, this shedding of false beliefs is was has brought me the greatest levels of peace, well being and clarity today.

I have selected a few quotes from some of my favourite teachers. Some of these may surprise you, because they go against some of the widely accepted beliefs I was talking about. Read them with an open mind and see if they go against what you have accepted as true. Feel free to share your comments below.

Wishing you true, lasting peace

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

---------------------------------------------------------

The Real Source of our Negative Emotions & Stress

"The rationalizing mind prefers to keep the true causes of emotion out of awareness and utilizes the mechanism of projection to do this. It blames events or other people for "causing" a feeling and views itself as the helpless innocent victim of external causes. "They made me angry." "He got me upset." "It scared me.""World events are the cause of my anxiety." Actually, it's the exact opposite. The suppressed and repressed feelings seek an outlet and utilize the events as triggers and excuses to vent themselves. We are like pressure-cookers ready to release steam when the opportunity arises. Our triggers are set and ready to go off. In psychiatry, this mechanism is called displacement. It is because we are angry that events "make" us angry. If, through constant surrendering, we have let go of the pent-up store of anger, it is very difficult and, in fact, even impossible for anyone of any situation to "make" us angry. The same, therefore, goes for all other negative feelings once they have been surrendered."

-David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph. D, Letting go, The Pathway of Surrender (p.17)

"There is much attention and publicity given to the subject of stress without a real understanding of its essential nature. (...) The real source of "stress" is actually internal; it is not external, as people would like to believe. The readiness to react with fear, for instance, depends on how much fear is already present within to be triggered by a stimulus. The more fear we have on the inside, the more our perception of the world is changed to a fearful, guarded expectancy. To the fearful person, this world is a terrifying place. To the angry person, this world is a chaos of frustration and vexation.(...) What we are holding inside colors our world. The basic rule is that we focus on what we have repressed. (...) Stress results from the accumulated pressure of our repressed and suppressed feelings. The pressure seeks relief, and so external events only trigger what we have been holding down, both consciously and unconsciously."

-David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph. D, Letting go, The Pathway of Surrender (p.15)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Conflicts in Relationships

"The truth is that your partner is your mirror. He or she always reflects you back to yourself. If you think there's a flaw in him, that flaw is in you. It has to be in you, because he's nothing more than your story. You are always what you judge in him to be in the moment. There's no exception to his. You are your own suffering. You are your own happiness." 

-Byron Katie, A Mind At Home With Itself (p.238)

"When you realize that there's no such thing as a self or an other, you realize that all human relationships are reflections in the mirror. It's not you that people like or dislike; it's their stories of you. They aren't attacking you or leaving you; they're attacking or leaving who they believe you are. What does any of that have to do with you? You're their projection, just as they are yours. Realizing this makes it easy not to be affected by praise or blame.(...) If someone rejects you, he could only do that because you don't match his beliefs about how he wants the world to be. (...) If he criticizes you, and you take that personally, you're the one who hurt you. The story you impose onto his criticism is where the pain begins. You're arguing with reality, and you lose."

-Byron Katie, A Mind At Home With Itself (p.153)

"Peace doesn't require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there."

-Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Avoiding Discomfort and Painful Feelings

"We have tried everything to get rid of suffering. We have gone everywhere to get rid of suffering. We have bought everything to get rid of it. We have ingested everything to get rid of it. Finally, when one has tried enough, there arises the possibility of spiritual maturity with the willingness to stop the futile attempt to get rid of it and, instead, to actually experience suffering. In that momentous instant, there is the realization of that which is beyond suffering, of that which is untouched by suffering.. There is the realization of who one truly is. "

-Gangaji

"We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy."

-Pema Chödron, When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Hard Times

"And so, there's the ebb and flow. If you are at this one point of the cycle, there's no use in crying about it because the cycle will cycle itself out. By surrendering to whatever is cycling up, it eventually disappears. You disappear it by choosing to be one with it and refusing to want to change it as it arises. Do this continuously, no matter what, nonstop."

-David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

"Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know."

-Pema Chödron, Comfortable with Uncertainty

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Finding Peace

"As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve. and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action."

-Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is."

-Eckhart Tolle

"When you believe a thought that argues with reality, you're confused"

-Byron Katie, A Mind At Home With Itself 

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment."

-Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

The ONE Thing To Know...

-Mindfulness Bites-

Mindfulness or Mindlessness?

By Lise Villeneuve

If you asked me to share just one simple mindfulness concept with you, this would be it. What I’m about to explain is so basic and so simple, yet it has the potential to completely transform your life by freeing you from so much unnecessary suffering. Are you ready to hear it? First, imagine you had an app or a device that could automatically track, identify and record every single one of your thoughts (I know it’s just a matter of time before such a thing exists!) How many thoughts do you think you would approximately have each day? Scientists tell us we think an average of 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day -that’s 35 to 48 thoughts per minute! They also estimate that about 80% of our thoughts are mostly negative. Imagine if we had such an app that tracked all our mental chatter. What do you think we would learn from closely monitoring our thoughts?

Can we control our thoughts?

First, I think the vast majority of us would be amazed at how truly unaware we are of our thoughts. We would be so surprised to review all the things we’ve been telling ourselves in a day: all the little stories we cling to, the judgements, the fears, the beliefs, the assumptions, as well as our hopes, dreams and positive thoughts. It would be quite an eye-opener to see the contents of our minds in one day, but I think what would shock us the most would be the realization that our thoughts are so random and extremely repetitive. We would eventually come to the conclusion that despite what we may believe, we have very little control over our thoughts. If you don’t believe me, sit quietly for five minutes and observe your mental chatter. Can you control it?

Can we control our emotions?

What do you think is the second major thing we would learn from using a device that could instantly show us our thoughts? We would see that what we think directly influences how we feel. Our thoughts generate emotions, and in turn, our emotions give rise to more thoughts, then round and round the cycle goes. If our device showed us we were stuck in negative thinking patterns, then we would immediately make the connection between our dark thoughts and our bad mood, or our discomfort. But here’s the kicker: negative thinking patterns don’t just include self-critical thoughts. They include any thoughts that argue with reality. You know, the thoughts we have that resist what is, the thoughts that fight against what has already happened. The shoulds and shouldn’t haves of our minds. We all have them.

I can't believe she did that...

If our app could clearly show us the thoughts that fight with what is, we would immediately understand how much stress they cause us. “She should or shouldn’t have said that.” We would see how such thoughts - regardless if they are true or not - completely rob us of our natural state of peace and well being. We would notice how much energy we waste by clinging to these thoughts and stories that end up making us feel miserable. With the extra awareness and clarity provided by our device, we could look at any one of our thoughts that argue with what is, such as “He should or shouldn’t have done that” and we could then ask ourselves “when I cling to this thought, how does it make me feel?” What does that feel like in my body? Try it now. Think of a recent situation when you felt irritated, frustrated, sad or angry. What were you telling yourself? How did that make you feel?

After having identified the type of stress, discomfort and resistance created in your body from having focused on that particular thought or story, the next logical step would be to ask: “How would I feel - who would I be - if I didn’t have that thought, or if it never came to my mind?” Again, it doesn’t matter if the thought or story are true, justified or not. How would you feel if you simply didn’t entertain that thought?

Does positive thinking work?

Of course if it weren’t for our neurotic minds, we would all be in a permanent state of bliss. Our challenge is to end the war with our minds, to accept what is - including our compulsive thoughts and our mental stories. And how can we do this? By meeting our fearful, jealous, angry, depressed and resistant thoughts with understanding and compassion. Simply pushing our negative thoughts away or replacing them with positive thoughts doesn’t work. That’s like a band-aid solution: it’s superficial and it prevents us from deeply healing our psychological wounds. We all carry these wounds. Here’s the good news: our negativity can be a blessing because it shows us the parts of ourselves that need our attention, care and compassion. So we have two choices. We can either remain attached to our thoughts and stories and consequently have to deal with the suffering they cause us, or we can sincerely investigate them, learn what they are trying to teach us about ourselves and grow. Mindfulness teaches us how to do this inquiry. It encourages us to become lovers of what is. This is the most direct path to inner peace and freedom.

Putting up with people's B.S.

Investigating our stressful thoughts - especially recurrent thoughts like the ones that make us feel confused, frustrated, sad, angry or any other negative emotion, doesn’t mean we have to put up with people’s B.S. It doesn’t mean we can’t act or initiate change, and it doesn’t invalidate our feelings or our experiences. Sometimes we falsely believe that by holding on to anger, resentments or worry, we remain in control, or we teach others a lesson. But what really happens is that we block off our own energy by holding on to this toxic negativity. Questioning our stressful thoughts doesn’t mean we have to take all the blame, admit defeat or let others walk all over us. So what is the purpose of inquiry?

A person or situation can't make us feel anything

Inquiry simply bring us back to a state of peace, calm and clarity by examining the direct connection between what we are telling ourselves and what we are feeling. It’s never a situation or a person that make us feel anything. It’s always our thoughts about the situation or the person. This is excellent news, because we have the ability to question our thoughts, to meet them with understanding and to become more aware of their power over us. Questioning our thinking helps us release those negative emotions that hold us down, it removes confusion and it gives us peace of mind. It is from this new place of clarity that the best solutions to our problems and conflicts naturally arise. We can now take action without being angry, sad, confused or fearful.

3 questions that will change your life...

We may not have an app to help us track our thoughts yet, but that’s OK, because we have our negative emotions to help us out. They are like our alarm signal that lets us know it’s time to question our thoughts. It’s time for inquiry: what am I thinking right now? (specifically identify your stressful thought, write it down if you can) How do I feel when I think that? (identify your emotions and notice where you feel any body sensations) How would I feel if I didn’t have that thought? (specifically describe how you think you would feel) These questions might seem obvious or simplistic and you might be tempted to just dismiss them, but if you try them out, you will immediately understand their value. These questions were inspired by The Work of Byron Katie. There are a few more steps we can take to get the most out of inquiry, but for now, focusing on these three questions is more than enough.

Bring on the negative thoughts...

There is no need to try and stop, change or eliminate our negative thoughts, because they are our teachers. They show us the patterns that hold us back and keep us trapped in suffering. All that is required is to notice our thoughts, to meet them with compassion and to allow, welcome and release the emotions they stir up. That, my friends is what I wanted to share with you. Inquiry will truly set you free.

Sincerely,

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com