This was me
a few years ago (in the attached video). At least that’s who I thought I was. I
wrote songs, performed, and toured in a lot of cool places. I won some music
competitions and I received a grant to produce my own album. I was even lucky
enough to record a duet with the wonderful Daniel Lavoie on my CD. I was young,
ambitious and determined to “make it” as an artist in the music industry.
I guess
there’s nothing wrong with that, except that in my case, I eventually realized
that my relentless desire to “make it” and become a “somebody” implied that
deep down inside, I felt like it wasn’t ok to just be “a nobody”. I was searching
for something that would ultimately make me feel better. I wanted to feel
loved, accepted and validated by others. I wanted to step out of the shadows
and yell “hey! I exist!” I needed to prove that I was worthy. I truly believed
that my success as an artist would make me feel happy and content. Boy, was I
wrong!
I climbed up
the ladder of success, but the higher I got, the worse I felt. Something was
off. I couldn’t just enjoy singing and writing anymore because I became
obsessed with the game. My success or
failure rested entirely in the hands of a few key players in the music
industry: the radio stations, the record companies, the music producers, the
press agents and the media. In order to move forward in a way that was
significant, I needed their approval. In a split second, these people could
decide if I was star material, or completely worthless. This made me feel
insecure and powerless. I knew clearly by then this was not the road to
fulfilment!
I started to
look deeper for answers to my insecurities, and what I discovered was that I
had spent many years strengthening and repairing my damaged ego. I was very
attached to this idea of “me” being a girl with brown hair, an artist with
certain opinions, feelings and experiences. I had never seriously considered
that maybe we, humans, were much more than our physical form. It dawned on me
that my deep longing for love and peace could never be satisfied on a material
level. I realized that even if I played this game of society and succeeded on a
very large scale, my ego would still find a way to make me feel insecure and
dissatisfied. I would still feel like I needed to do more, be more and receive more
love and acceptance.
What about
you? Can you relate? Are you completely content with who you are right now, or
is there something in the future that you need to do, or work on, or achieve
first, before you can feel completely fulfilled and at peace?
Well, that
feeling sucks, doesn't it! It’s sort of like your self-worth and power are
largely in the hands of others, and you can never really be content in the
moment. Even when you play the game and are successful in the eyes of society,
you still feel like something’s missing, something’s not quite right yet.
I felt like
that for many years, until I finally understood who I really was. And who is
that? Well, it turns out I’m simply the light escaping through the cracks
of my ego shell. I hate to break it to you but, that’s who you are, too.
I discovered
what consciousness, or awareness, was all about, and it completely changed my
life for the better. Things started to really make sense. I started to feel
truly empowered on a whole other level. Consciousness was my ticket to real
freedom. The search for that something or someone that could fill the void was
over! What a relief to finally have some clarity.
It all comes
down to two choices. Either we stay attached to who we think we are on the
surface and we play the game of ups and downs, successes and failures,
happiness and unhappiness, me versus you; or we recognize that we are the light
shining through the cracks of our individual ego shells. When we truly see
ourselves as the light, we’re ok with the idea of being “a nobody” in society’s
eyes, because we already know the true value of who, or what, we are. We can
play the game without getting attached to the outcome. Everything becomes
lighter.
So yes, I’m
working on being the best nobody that I can be. I have learned so much over the
years and I now enjoy teaching others about consciousness and mindfulness. It’s
a humbling but incredibly beautiful and liberating journey. I believe awakening
to our essential self is our true purpose here.
Namasté,
Lise
