The ONE Thing To Know...

-Mindfulness Bites-

Mindfulness or Mindlessness?

By Lise Villeneuve

If you asked me to share just one simple mindfulness concept with you, this would be it. What I’m about to explain is so basic and so simple, yet it has the potential to completely transform your life by freeing you from so much unnecessary suffering. Are you ready to hear it? First, imagine you had an app or a device that could automatically track, identify and record every single one of your thoughts (I know it’s just a matter of time before such a thing exists!) How many thoughts do you think you would approximately have each day? Scientists tell us we think an average of 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day -that’s 35 to 48 thoughts per minute! They also estimate that about 80% of our thoughts are mostly negative. Imagine if we had such an app that tracked all our mental chatter. What do you think we would learn from closely monitoring our thoughts?

Can we control our thoughts?

First, I think the vast majority of us would be amazed at how truly unaware we are of our thoughts. We would be so surprised to review all the things we’ve been telling ourselves in a day: all the little stories we cling to, the judgements, the fears, the beliefs, the assumptions, as well as our hopes, dreams and positive thoughts. It would be quite an eye-opener to see the contents of our minds in one day, but I think what would shock us the most would be the realization that our thoughts are so random and extremely repetitive. We would eventually come to the conclusion that despite what we may believe, we have very little control over our thoughts. If you don’t believe me, sit quietly for five minutes and observe your mental chatter. Can you control it?

Can we control our emotions?

What do you think is the second major thing we would learn from using a device that could instantly show us our thoughts? We would see that what we think directly influences how we feel. Our thoughts generate emotions, and in turn, our emotions give rise to more thoughts, then round and round the cycle goes. If our device showed us we were stuck in negative thinking patterns, then we would immediately make the connection between our dark thoughts and our bad mood, or our discomfort. But here’s the kicker: negative thinking patterns don’t just include self-critical thoughts. They include any thoughts that argue with reality. You know, the thoughts we have that resist what is, the thoughts that fight against what has already happened. The shoulds and shouldn’t haves of our minds. We all have them.

I can't believe she did that...

If our app could clearly show us the thoughts that fight with what is, we would immediately understand how much stress they cause us. “She should or shouldn’t have said that.” We would see how such thoughts - regardless if they are true or not - completely rob us of our natural state of peace and well being. We would notice how much energy we waste by clinging to these thoughts and stories that end up making us feel miserable. With the extra awareness and clarity provided by our device, we could look at any one of our thoughts that argue with what is, such as “He should or shouldn’t have done that” and we could then ask ourselves “when I cling to this thought, how does it make me feel?” What does that feel like in my body? Try it now. Think of a recent situation when you felt irritated, frustrated, sad or angry. What were you telling yourself? How did that make you feel?

After having identified the type of stress, discomfort and resistance created in your body from having focused on that particular thought or story, the next logical step would be to ask: “How would I feel - who would I be - if I didn’t have that thought, or if it never came to my mind?” Again, it doesn’t matter if the thought or story are true, justified or not. How would you feel if you simply didn’t entertain that thought?

Does positive thinking work?

Of course if it weren’t for our neurotic minds, we would all be in a permanent state of bliss. Our challenge is to end the war with our minds, to accept what is - including our compulsive thoughts and our mental stories. And how can we do this? By meeting our fearful, jealous, angry, depressed and resistant thoughts with understanding and compassion. Simply pushing our negative thoughts away or replacing them with positive thoughts doesn’t work. That’s like a band-aid solution: it’s superficial and it prevents us from deeply healing our psychological wounds. We all carry these wounds. Here’s the good news: our negativity can be a blessing because it shows us the parts of ourselves that need our attention, care and compassion. So we have two choices. We can either remain attached to our thoughts and stories and consequently have to deal with the suffering they cause us, or we can sincerely investigate them, learn what they are trying to teach us about ourselves and grow. Mindfulness teaches us how to do this inquiry. It encourages us to become lovers of what is. This is the most direct path to inner peace and freedom.

Putting up with people's B.S.

Investigating our stressful thoughts - especially recurrent thoughts like the ones that make us feel confused, frustrated, sad, angry or any other negative emotion, doesn’t mean we have to put up with people’s B.S. It doesn’t mean we can’t act or initiate change, and it doesn’t invalidate our feelings or our experiences. Sometimes we falsely believe that by holding on to anger, resentments or worry, we remain in control, or we teach others a lesson. But what really happens is that we block off our own energy by holding on to this toxic negativity. Questioning our stressful thoughts doesn’t mean we have to take all the blame, admit defeat or let others walk all over us. So what is the purpose of inquiry?

A person or situation can't make us feel anything

Inquiry simply bring us back to a state of peace, calm and clarity by examining the direct connection between what we are telling ourselves and what we are feeling. It’s never a situation or a person that make us feel anything. It’s always our thoughts about the situation or the person. This is excellent news, because we have the ability to question our thoughts, to meet them with understanding and to become more aware of their power over us. Questioning our thinking helps us release those negative emotions that hold us down, it removes confusion and it gives us peace of mind. It is from this new place of clarity that the best solutions to our problems and conflicts naturally arise. We can now take action without being angry, sad, confused or fearful.

3 questions that will change your life...

We may not have an app to help us track our thoughts yet, but that’s OK, because we have our negative emotions to help us out. They are like our alarm signal that lets us know it’s time to question our thoughts. It’s time for inquiry: what am I thinking right now? (specifically identify your stressful thought, write it down if you can) How do I feel when I think that? (identify your emotions and notice where you feel any body sensations) How would I feel if I didn’t have that thought? (specifically describe how you think you would feel) These questions might seem obvious or simplistic and you might be tempted to just dismiss them, but if you try them out, you will immediately understand their value. These questions were inspired by The Work of Byron Katie. There are a few more steps we can take to get the most out of inquiry, but for now, focusing on these three questions is more than enough.

Bring on the negative thoughts...

There is no need to try and stop, change or eliminate our negative thoughts, because they are our teachers. They show us the patterns that hold us back and keep us trapped in suffering. All that is required is to notice our thoughts, to meet them with compassion and to allow, welcome and release the emotions they stir up. That, my friends is what I wanted to share with you. Inquiry will truly set you free.

Sincerely,

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Mindfulness: the Cult

-Mindfulness Bites-

Mindfulness: the Cult

By Lise Villeneuve

What exactly is mindfulness anyway? I’ve attempted to explain it many times to family members who are very religious and somehow, they think mindfulness IS Buddhism, or (gasp!) some kind of satanic New Age cult. Therefore, in their eyes, I am headed straight to hell for practising such heresy. But don’t worry, we’re still one big, loving family. Our gatherings are always very lively and stimulating, there is never a dull moment!

But seriously, mindfulness has nothing to do with religion or even New Age fads. In fact, mindfulness is much closer to psychology than religion. By the way, in case you’re wondering, despite my upbringing, I’m not religious at all -in the sense that I don’t participate in any particular rituals from any specific faith. However, I consider myself very spiritual and I do strongly believe in a divine creator or Higher Power, to avoid the label “God.” So whether you’re religious or not, it’s all good, there is no conflict, no contradiction between mindfulness and religion.

What is it? I would say it’s the art of being aware, of paying attention. Paying attention not only to what’s happening in our external world, but, more importantly, to what’s going on in our inner world. Mindfulness develops our emotional intelligence. It’s kind of like the instruction manual we were never given at birth that helps us figure out the relationship between our thoughts, our emotions and our bodily sensations.

I’m not quite sure why this seems to threaten my religious family. Perhaps it’s the meditation aspect of mindfulness that makes them uncomfortable. Meditation makes me uncomfortable too, especially when I have to sit in the same pose for a long time and my legs start to cramp up, but I guess that’s a different kind of discomfort. Meditation is simply a way of quieting the mind and being still. Mindfulness encourages us to practice noticing our thoughts and our feelings so that we can become less reactive, less controlled by them. It empowers us to make wiser decisions with a clear mind.

Why has mindfulness become so incredibly popular over the last few years? Probably because of its many scientifically-proven benefits. Such as? Well I’m glad you asked. There are so many benefits that I decided to incorporate them into a little rap song. I’d like to dedicate it to certain members of my family (all in good humour):

When you feel like a mess, like a big ball of stress

You can always rely on mindfulness

Take a deep breath, fill up your chest

Mindfulness will help you feel your best

Notice your thoughts, notice how you feel

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

Mindfulness keeps your brain real sharp

It helps your memory and it’s good for your heart

It lowers your blood pressure, brings down your stress

It helps with depression, it helps with distress

Notice your thoughts, notice how you feel

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

It improves your focus and boosts resilience

It makes you feel good so you can show off your brilliance

Improve your health and your self-compassion

With mindfulness: It’s the latest fashion

Notice your thoughts, notice how you feel

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

Mindfulness helps in so many ways

It’s like “miracle whip”, you know, the mayonnaise?

It gives life some flavour, it gives it some punch

It helps you cope when you’re in a crunch

Mindfulness really fills your cup

So if it’s a cult, then where do I sign up?

Mindfulness really fills your cup

So if it’s a cult, then where do I sign up?

Thanks for reading, and for more detailed information about the benefits of mindfulness check out this link: https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/benefits-of-mindfulness/
(Mindfulness decreases stress and anxiety levels, improves emotion regulation, induces a state of relaxation, which in turn improves higher brain functioning, increases immune function, lowers blood pressure and heart rate, increases awareness, attention, clarity and focus, it accelerates recovery of the body, decreases depressive symptoms, increases self-compassion, improves general health, decreases reactivity, increases curiosity, tolerance, patience and self-acceptance, it improves academic performance, it’s a buffer against bullying and depression, it boosts resilience, reduces behavior and attention problems in children, improves job performance in the workplace, decreases burnout, and it primes our brain for  better learning and remembering.)

Sincerely,

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Breathe Baby, Breathe

-Mindfulness Bites-

Breathe Baby, Breathe

By Lise Villeneuve

On the day I was born, July 20th, nineteen-never-mind-the decade, I refused to breathe. Just ask my dad. The doctors tried smacking my tiny bottom to make me cry and breathe, but apparently I didn’t mind the spanking. After a little while longer, the medical team became nervous and one of the nurses tried this new technique she had apparently seen on t.v. She blew on me. I don’t know if it was the unpleasant aroma of her breath that startled me out of baby bliss, but it worked. I cried my little heart out and took my very first inhalation of air on this Earth. Don’t worry, the pace of this story will pick up and I won’t bore you with every little detail of my life. Luckily, I’ve forgotten most of it anyway.

All this to say that ever since I was born, it seems as though breathing never really came naturally to me - unless someone blew on me, but thankfully that hasn’t happened since my birth, or at least I don’t remember. I was always a shallow breather. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I was drawn to singing later in my teens. It forced me to breathe deeply, at least when I was on stage. My singing teacher would tell me he thought I was asthmatic. That was no compliment in the singing world, but I got over it. I’m a survivor.

Luckily I learned how to breathe properly when I was singing, but nobody ever told me that it would be incredibly beneficial to keep breathing deeply during the rest of the time - which was about 96 % of my life. That’s a crying shame because I missed out on the numerous benefits of deep breathing. Here are just a few: deep breathing is a natural painkiller, it reduces stress and anxiety and relaxes the body and mind, it improves blood flow, reduces inflammation in the body, improves digestion, detoxifies the body, stimulates the lymphatic system, increases energy, it improves lung and heart function, improves focus and even memory. Wow! That’s quite the list, and if you don’t believe me, here’s a great article by Ben Fishel that lists 21 benefits of deep breathing backed by scientific studies.

How much would we be willing to pay for a pill that would give us all these positive effects? Bottom line is deep breathing instantly improves our physical, emotional and mental well being, and it’s completely free! So why didn’t I know this earlier?

I must have known it intuitively. Come to think of it, maybe my great love of snorkeling has something to do with giving myself a chance to practice deep belly breathing. When my face is in the water and I look down at that mysterious world of colourful sea life, all I hear is the sound of my slow, controlled, deep breathing - in and out of the snorkel. Swoosh, Swish. Swoosh, Swish. Perhaps one of the reasons snorkeling feels so good is a result of that rush of oxygen I get. It’s an instant feel-good buzz. I suppose I could have saved a small fortune by simply learning how to breathe properly instead of having to fly to the Caribbean each year to oxygenate my brain while snorkeling. Oh well, it was fun.

Well they say you end up teaching what you most needed to learn yourself. It’s no surprise, then, that I now teach mindfulness, which includes deep belly breathing. Watch out, here comes the teacher in me. As you keep reading, take a deep breath through your nose and let your belly fill up and expand just like when you’ve eaten too much and have what my teen calls a “food baby.” Unfortunately, sexiness is not an immediate benefit of practising deep belly breathing, however, by becoming more relaxed, healthier, more focused and in a better mood, you certainly will become sexier by default.

OK. Back to deep breathing. Inhale through your nose, expand your belly, then exhale slowly out of your mouth. That’s it. You now know the secret to an improved life. Seriously, continue to breathe like this and notice how it instantly changes the way you feel. Imagine if we all breathed like this 24/7! There would likely be no need for drugs or alcohol. Mind you, the occasional glass of red wine with a side of deep belly breathing is a pretty healthy combo. So cheers to that!

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

I Had the Strangest Dream Last Night...

When I first opened my eyes this morning (January 2nd, 2019), I was unsure of what "reality" was. I was still immersed and captivated by the vivid dream world I reluctantly left behind. And what a dream! It all felt so incredibly real. From this newly awakened state that was likely precipitated by the smell of coffee, reality shifted. THAT was just a dream. The familiar sights and sounds of my bedroom were real. Or were they? From my new bodily perspective, it was easy to assume that all those images, sensations, thoughts and feelings from my dream were just an illusion -all just wild creations from my mind. Yet, what was so unusual about this dream is that it seemed to convey that from the perspective of universal consciousness, or "I am", the "real world" was just as much of an imaginary bubble as the dream that I so easily dismissed as unreal. Confused yet?

The point is we can't know we're dreaming unless we are in a position of awareness, such as being the observer or witness. When we dream at night, we have no idea that what we're experiencing isn't "real" until we find ourselves in a new state of awake awareness in the morning. Could this also be what happens when our being merges with the universal mind? Do we become detached enough to know that "real life" is also just a dream? From this hightened state of knowingness, are we able to see that "real life" is no different than our dream world?

So what was my dream about? It was about snakes. I was in a cave, accompanied by children, and there was this big, yellowish-green snake. I was not particularly afraid of it, but the children were, so I chopped it up with a metal tool. A little while later, there was another snake. It was a white viper. Something in the dream specifically told me it was a viper. I really don't know much about snakes, but I looked it up this morning and it turns out white vipers are extremely rare. Anyway, this viper was right in front of me on the sand and I knew just how dangerous it was. Next thing I knew, it had a hold of my left hand with its fangs (I am left-handed). I knew that I had to stay calm and not let my fear take control of me. The viper was testing me. It was staring at me with its black, shiny eyes. It knew that I knew it had the power to kill me instantly. I remained calm and noticed how beautiful his eyes were. At that moment, I surrendered my life to a higher power. I knew I would be protected because I trusted divine will. I was gentle with the snake and was communicating with it -sending it genuine love. Very slowly, I moved its head off my hand with my right index finger. The viper was then out of the picture. I felt fine, but I could see the trace of its fangs pressed into the skin on my hand. My mind was telling me to go to the hospital to get the antivenom just in case, but I felt good and decided to trust that all was well. I woke up feeling refreshed and uplifted.

The meaning? After having looked up the symbolism of snakes and their different colours, this is what I believe my subconscious mind was communicating: the yellowish-green snake I so easily chopped up represented my attachment to the physical body, thoughts, emotions and the "real world". The white viper represented spiritual life, universal consciousness, surrendering to the divine will as well as the death of the ego and all its deep-rooted fears. I relinquished control, surrendered my fears and personal will and trusted that everything was unfolding in perfect divine harmony. I know this was no ordinary dream. The universe is always communicating with us in so many different ways. Are we listening?

With love,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com