Complimentary Mindfulness & Emotional Awareness Resources to the First 100 Participants!

 

YouTube link with details here: https://youtu.be/lGAjkkmNfAk

Best,

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Mastering Your Mind: The Most Effective & Direct Path To A Happy, Empowered, Successful Life

 Mastering Your Mind: The Most Effective & Direct Path To A Happy, Empowered, Successful Life

She Made Me Angry! Really?

It can be truly shocking to realize that our mind is the ONLY obstacle to our inner peace, well being, happiness and success in life. If the majority of us fully understood this, we'd be living in a radically different world. Our current world reinforces the belief that things and people "out there" have power over us and they "make us feel" a certain way that keeps us trapped and powerless. But do things "out there" really have the power to "make us" feel anything without our consent? Let's explore this.

Believed Thoughts Change Your Body Chemistry

Happiness or unhappiness originate in the mind. It all starts with a thought, a story or a belief that we either accept as "truth" or reject. Every thought we believe - whether it's helpful or stressful, acts just like a hypnotizing spell. For every single thought believed, the body creates corresponding physical sensations of comfort or discomfort. A fearful thought will trigger contraction, tension, rigidity or loss of energy in the body. On the other hand, a loving thought will instantly create a state of harmony, flow and well being in the body. 

Physical Sensations Are Expressed Externally As Emotions, then Behaviors

When our body sensations of comfort or discomfort become very strong - sometimes overwhelming - we release this "energy in motion" (e-motion) as emotions that are always expressed externally via our body language. We may decide to act on these emotions with behaviors. Remember, a single thought that we believe triggers the following chain reaction: 

• Believed thought / Corresponding physical sensations of comfort or discomfort / Emotion / Behavior. 

Others Don't Have the Power to Make Us Feel Anything!

Without that prior conscious thought (or subconscious memory) that is assumed to be true, there can be no feelings, emotions or behaviors. If others can't control which thoughts we will accept or reject as untruthful - which will prevent the emotional chain reaction from happening, then we can logically conclude that others don't have the power to make us feel anything. Of course, mastering our mind is a skill that requires discipline, practice, self-awareness and knowledge.

Time For Accountability! Happiness or Unhappiness Originate in the Mind

Once we understand how our own brains and bodies work, we become fully accountable for the way we think, feel and act. Imagine if everyone became accountable this way! There would be no more blaming others for the way WE feel. We would no longer feel victimized or powerless about our state of mind, our rage, our depression or our anxiety. This is very good news! Our happiness or unhappiness originate in the mind, which means we've always had the power to control how we respond to all the unpredictable things life will continue to throw our way. Will we be able to gracefully accept "what is" in this moment? - which doesn't prevent us from taking action in the next moment, or will we believe resistant, angry, hopeless thoughts that argue with what has already happened? Stressful, resentful thoughts will raise our discomfort level, drain our energy and darken our mood. Will this help us to get what we want in the end?

Don't Underestimate the Power of Your Subconscious Mind!

Not only do our thoughts directly change how we feel and perceive the world, they also have enormous creative power in our lives. Maybe you've heard the accurate saying "thoughts become things"? There is a simple explanation for this. The thoughts we accept as true with our conscious mind become deep seated-beliefs that get stored in our subconscious mind. If only we realized the extent to which our subconscious programming is driving our actions, behaviors, beliefs and expectations! If only we could see the direct relationship between most of our life circumstances and what our subconscious has accepted as truth or facts! 

We Are Our Own Worst Enemies

Day by day, the negative, stressful thoughts we believe without questioning insidiously slip into our subconscious mind and then we wonder why we constantly sabotage ourselves and experience less than desirable outcomes. We are our own worst enemies because we constantly underestimate how incredibly powerful our mind is! Our negative self-talk is extremely toxic and destructive! It changes our body chemistry, our mood, our behaviors, and it may very well end up as a permanent program lodged in our subconscious that can impact us for life! 

If You Don't Believe Me, Try This...

Are our kids aware of the power of their thoughts and beliefs? Have they ever been educated about the constant mental chatter going on in their minds? Do they know that their thoughts are not facts, and most thoughts should not be believed? We truly have no idea how powerful our mind is! If we did, we would make a conscious effort to use it constructively and we would be blown away by the results. If you don't believe me, try reprogramming your subconscious with words like "joy, peace, vitality, health, wealth, success, love, harmony...etc." right before you fall asleep at night and immediately as you are waking up. Simply say these words to yourself for the next two weeks and see what happens! I dare you.

You've Had The Power All Along...

Once you master your own mind, you also master your body, your emotions, your perceptions, your (re)actions and you will have more control over many of your external circumstances that are largely influenced by your subconscious beliefs. If mastering your own mind is not the most effective, direct path to a happy, empowered, successful life, then what is? It's time to stop looking for answers "out there" and instead, look "in here".

How Can We Learn To Master Our Minds?

I believe this is THE most important thing we should be teaching our children (and ourselves). It's not that hard to learn, it just takes a little practice. I have written a complete manual for kids that teaches the following steps to self-mastery in a simple, gradual way through short stories and fun activities (Wise Willy's Secret Manual To Become a Mindful Superhero):

1) Become aware of your thoughts (mental chatter)

2) Become aware of your body sensations

3) Understand the relationship between thoughts, body sensations, emotions, behaviors and perception

4) Understand how your brain and body work (rational brain, emotional brain, emotions)

5) Develop self-awareness of your thoughts and feelings

6) Increase your tolerance for discomfort

7) Learn how to question your stressful thoughts, release uncomfortable feelings appropriately and self-regulate your moods.

8) Use your focus to harness the incredible power of your conscious and subconscious mind.

New Printable Mindfulness & Emotional Intelligence Cards!

I have recently created 40 printable mindfulness and emotional intelligence cards from Wise Willy's Secret Manual that are great reminders for daily practice. Thanks for taking the time to read!

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Wise Willy's Secret Manual Available Worldwide!

Wise Willy's Secret Manual Available Worldwide!

(See French Below) 

It's truly amazing what you can accomplish when you set clear, consistent, daily goals for yourself and you stay off Facebook! (because Facebook is a HUGE time-sucker!) Manifesting our goals is something we can all achieve. However, what I have learned over the years is that when we align ourselves with a higher power and say: "please show me how I can serve, how I can use my talents to create something for the greatest good", then the manifestation process becomes joyfully miraculous. Creativity then arises directly from the heart, in a detached, high-frequency, love-filled flow that guides our thoughts and actions.

In January 2021, I truly had no idea that Wise Willy's Secret Manual to Become a Mindful Superhero would emerge from this creative flow! My intentions were to polish up the Conscious Kids Program I had previously written and offer it in a new format. But someone unexpected stepped into my life: Wise Willy! I kept an open mind, went with it, and now his Secret Manual is available on Amazon worldwide. The entire process has been completely unpredictable, and it continues to be every day! I am in AWE.

Wise Willy truly has a mind of his own! He decided to release half of his book on YouTube, in video format. He also insisted on being his own Publisher in order to release his Secret Manual as soon as possible - even though his manual is still being reviewed by two major American Publishers at this time. He's a strong-willed little dude on a mission to help kids around the world develop their Superpowers! He brings out the inner-child in grow-ups and invites them to be playful, creative, authentic and spontaneous. 

I'm very grateful to have the opportunity to help Wise Willy get his Secret Manual "out there." Now I'm going to have to help him deal with his addiction to Facebook.

Thanks for reading!

Lise Villeneuve

www.wisewilly.com

Le manuel secret de Wise Willy est disponible dans le monde entier!

C'est vraiment incroyable ce qu'on peut accomplir lorsqu'on se fixe des objectifs quotidiens clairs et qu'on ne passe pas tout notre temps sur Facebook! La manifestation de nos objectifs est quelque chose que nous pouvons tous accomplir. Cependant, ce que j'ai appris au fil des ans, c'est que lorsque nous nous alignons à une puissance supérieure et nous disons: "s'il vous plaît, montrez-moi comment je peux servir, comment je peux utiliser mes talents pour créer quelque chose pour le plus grand bien", alors le processus de manifestation devient joyeusement miraculeux. La créativité naît alors directement du cœur, dans un flux à haute fréquence et rempli d'amour qui guide nos pensées et nos actions de façon détachée.

En janvier 2021, je n'avais vraiment aucune idée que le manuel secret de Wise Willy pour devenir un super-héros conscient émergerait de ce flux créatif! Mes intentions étaient de peaufiner le programme Enfants Lucides que j'avais précédemment écrit et de l'offrir dans un nouveau format. Mais quelqu'un d'inattendu est entré dans ma vie: Wise Willy! J'ai gardé l'esprit ouvert et maintenant son manuel secret est disponible sur Amazon dans le monde entier. Le processus a été complètement imprévisible et continue de l'être tous les jours! Je suis épatée!

Wise Willy est vraiment sa propre personne! Il a décidé de publier la moitié de son livre sur YouTube, au format vidéo. Il a également insisté pour être son propre éditeur afin de publier son manuel secret le plus rapidement possible - même si son manuel est encore en cours de révision par deux grands éditeurs américains en ce moment. C'est un petit mec têtu qui a pour mission d'aider les enfants du monde entier à développer leurs super pouvoirs! Il fait ressortir l'enfant intérieur chez les grands et les invite à être ludiques, créatifs, authentiques et spontanés.

Je suis très reconnaissante d'avoir l'opportunité d'aider Wise Willy avec son manuel secret. Maintenant, je vais devoir l'aider à gérer sa dépendance à Facebook!

Merci d'avoir lu!

 Lise Villeneuve

www.wisewilly.com

I Wanted to Shout at Eckhart Tolle...

 Waking Up: Personal Insights From my Journey

I Wanted to Shout at Eckhart Tolle...

How are you? I recently took a break from blogging and social media because quite frankly, I felt a little drained. Facebook especially can suck the life out of me in no time. So I focused on doing things that recharged my energy, such as spending more time in nature, reading inspirational books, and I spent a lot of quality time with those guys in the picture: my family. Now I feel great, and I have some news I'd like to share with you!

This Fall, I took an online course with Eckhart Tolle. During the course, someone from Greece asked him "how can I help kids to become more conscious?" In short, he replied that the best way to teach kids about mindfulness and emotional literacy is through short stories and little activities. He went on to say that if anyone in our group had some talent for writing, this would be a wonderful project to develop for children. You can image my reaction! I wanted to shout at my computer screen to tell Eckhart "I've created that exact project already!", but unfortunately, he couldn't hear me. Bummer.

Nevertheless, hearing him say that - coupled with my frustration at not being able to share Conscious Kids with families in person anymore (Covid) - made me want to create a more tangible version of this collection of stories and activities. Currently, Conscious Kids is only available online as a downloadable file, which is fine, but I know it could be packaged in a way that is absolutely delicious for families. So, shortly after Eckhart's "pep talk", I decided to send my Conscious Kids book proposal to one American Publisher I particularly respect. Two weeks after I sent it, the Publisher got in touch with me and said that my proposal was being passed on to be reviewed by their Children's Books Editor! I was thrilled and am so eager to hear back from them.

Experts in the book industry say that authors have a 99.9% chance of being rejected by Publishers, but regardless of what happens with this particular Publisher, I am committed to moving forward with a bold new version of Conscious Kids, even if that means self-publication. I can already picture its pages filled with vivid and colourful illustrations. I think kids will really love that!

Conscious Kids would never have been possible without all the support and feedback I have received over the years from you, my community. Thank you for that. I look forward to the journey ahead, and if you'd like to share your ideas, suggestions or comments about bringing this new version of Conscious Kids to life, please do get in touch with me, I'd love to hear from you. In fact, over the next few months, I will be actively asking you for feedback about what your best version of Conscious Kids would look like. Together, I know that we will be able to make this happen for our children.

Thanks for your presence,

Lise Villeneuve

Creator of Conscious Kids

Mindfulness: the Cult

-Mindfulness Bites-

Mindfulness: the Cult

By Lise Villeneuve

What exactly is mindfulness anyway? I’ve attempted to explain it many times to family members who are very religious and somehow, they think mindfulness IS Buddhism, or (gasp!) some kind of satanic New Age cult. Therefore, in their eyes, I am headed straight to hell for practising such heresy. But don’t worry, we’re still one big, loving family. Our gatherings are always very lively and stimulating, there is never a dull moment!

But seriously, mindfulness has nothing to do with religion or even New Age fads. In fact, mindfulness is much closer to psychology than religion. By the way, in case you’re wondering, despite my upbringing, I’m not religious at all -in the sense that I don’t participate in any particular rituals from any specific faith. However, I consider myself very spiritual and I do strongly believe in a divine creator or Higher Power, to avoid the label “God.” So whether you’re religious or not, it’s all good, there is no conflict, no contradiction between mindfulness and religion.

What is it? I would say it’s the art of being aware, of paying attention. Paying attention not only to what’s happening in our external world, but, more importantly, to what’s going on in our inner world. Mindfulness develops our emotional intelligence. It’s kind of like the instruction manual we were never given at birth that helps us figure out the relationship between our thoughts, our emotions and our bodily sensations.

I’m not quite sure why this seems to threaten my religious family. Perhaps it’s the meditation aspect of mindfulness that makes them uncomfortable. Meditation makes me uncomfortable too, especially when I have to sit in the same pose for a long time and my legs start to cramp up, but I guess that’s a different kind of discomfort. Meditation is simply a way of quieting the mind and being still. Mindfulness encourages us to practice noticing our thoughts and our feelings so that we can become less reactive, less controlled by them. It empowers us to make wiser decisions with a clear mind.

Why has mindfulness become so incredibly popular over the last few years? Probably because of its many scientifically-proven benefits. Such as? Well I’m glad you asked. There are so many benefits that I decided to incorporate them into a little rap song. I’d like to dedicate it to certain members of my family (all in good humour):

When you feel like a mess, like a big ball of stress

You can always rely on mindfulness

Take a deep breath, fill up your chest

Mindfulness will help you feel your best

Notice your thoughts, notice how you feel

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

Mindfulness keeps your brain real sharp

It helps your memory and it’s good for your heart

It lowers your blood pressure, brings down your stress

It helps with depression, it helps with distress

Notice your thoughts, notice how you feel

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

It improves your focus and boosts resilience

It makes you feel good so you can show off your brilliance

Improve your health and your self-compassion

With mindfulness: It’s the latest fashion

Notice your thoughts, notice how you feel

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

Mindfulness will help you keep it real

Mindfulness helps in so many ways

It’s like “miracle whip”, you know, the mayonnaise?

It gives life some flavour, it gives it some punch

It helps you cope when you’re in a crunch

Mindfulness really fills your cup

So if it’s a cult, then where do I sign up?

Mindfulness really fills your cup

So if it’s a cult, then where do I sign up?

Thanks for reading, and for more detailed information about the benefits of mindfulness check out this link: https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/benefits-of-mindfulness/
(Mindfulness decreases stress and anxiety levels, improves emotion regulation, induces a state of relaxation, which in turn improves higher brain functioning, increases immune function, lowers blood pressure and heart rate, increases awareness, attention, clarity and focus, it accelerates recovery of the body, decreases depressive symptoms, increases self-compassion, improves general health, decreases reactivity, increases curiosity, tolerance, patience and self-acceptance, it improves academic performance, it’s a buffer against bullying and depression, it boosts resilience, reduces behavior and attention problems in children, improves job performance in the workplace, decreases burnout, and it primes our brain for  better learning and remembering.)

Sincerely,

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Two Quotes Every Parent / Teacher Should Read

"We all carry wounds in us that we received as children, and taking the path of healing these wounds makes it much easier for us to relate to and understand the children in our life. Whatever we haven't transformed, we're likely to pass on to our children and to our students. Our suffering will become their suffering. This is why practicing mindfulness in our daily lives is so important. It is not just to avoid burnout; mindfulness allows us to transform in the depths of our consciousness. If you are not at peace, how can you impart peace to your children and students?"

-Thich Nhat Hanh, Planting Seeds, Practicing Mindfulness with Children

"Children who are raised by parents who are conscious, and therefore both at peace with themselves and connected to their inner joy, discover the abundance of the universe and learn how to tap into this ever-flowing source. Viewing life as their partner, such children respond to life's challenges with curiosity, excitement, and a sense of reverent engagement. Brought up to be inwardly peaceful and to know their inherent joy, they in turn teach their children to live in a state of joyful abundance."

-Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent

These two quotes speak volumes! I just had to share them here because I find them so incredibly important and inspiring. What do you think?

There is one more thing I'd like to share. The Himalayan Meditation Centre in Edmonton will be offering a 10-week mindfulness class for kids aged 5-13 starting next January (2019). One or more parents are invited to attend and participate. The class will be held on Saturdays from 1-2 pm. The Conscious Kids curriculum will be used, which means that all the concepts are taught through creative short stories and fun, engaging activities for families. The course is designed to help kids develop their emotional intelligence, lower their stress, boost their confidence & improve their mood and focus. You may have guessed that I will be teaching this class, along with my kind and very gifted colleague who came here all the way from Tibet, Dr. Kunga. Openings are very limited and are based on a first come, first serve policy. For more information and to sign up, please visit conscious-kids.ca. 

Warm regards,

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Confessions of a Homeschooling Mama

Yikes! We're about to dive into our seventh year of homeschooling next week! I absolutely LOVE this lifestyle and truly believe it was one of the greatest and most empowering choices we could have made for our family.

Emma is starting grade 9 and Théo is now in grade 4. They are both receiving all their education en français. Over the years, we have developed a system that really works for us, and a wonderful support network of local friends and other homeschooling families has organically grown around us, enriching our journey along the way. Knowing where to find the best resources and educational materials has made the task of planning each academic year much less daunting.

Homeschooling allows us to integrate education as a fun and natural part of a balanced life without having to compromise our physical or emotional well-being. In our household, learning happens all the time, and it's associated with feelings of joy, passion, enthusiasm, curiosity and creativity, as opposed to stress, pressure, competition, anxiety and resistance.

I am very grateful for the flexibility we have in our schedule that allows the kids to self-regulate their moods by trusting their inner-guidance system, or emotions. Nobody can perform like a robot! Sometimes, we're just not in the right state of mind to learn anything, and that's OK. Other times, creativity flows through us like a raging river and we could write an entire play, or a song, or paint the Mona Lisa all over again. Although we do have a weekly schedule, the kids are always encouraged to follow their hearts and honour their true feelings.We make a point of spending lots of time outdoors too. The kids know more about gardening and plants than I ever did at their age.

Every day is not always smooth and perfect, because life naturally has its ups and downs. That's one of the things I love the most about homeschooling: we can take the time to allow and work through the tough emotions, the resistance and the negative thoughts when they show up, because they will, and they are welcome here. In fact, they are healthy, whereas suppressing, repressing or projecting negative thoughts and feelings are extremely unhealthy strategies, but they are often used unconsciously as coping mechanisms when there is no room for an alternative. Releasing or dealing with negativity directly is generally frowned upon or considered too "disruptive" at school or at work, so we learn to tuck it into our little box until it busts open again by the next unpredictable trigger.

In our home, there is space for imperfections and disruptions. Actually, some of the greatest learning happens when we work through our tough, uncomfortable emotions. Once these are understood, surrendered and released, magic happens. Boundaries are removed. Fears are overcome. Energy, joy and lightness return. Chez nous, holistic well-being is valued over academic perfection. Individuality and curiosity are encouraged through a curriculum that is flexible and adapted to a unique child, not a system. Compassion, mindfulness and kindness are taught and valued over popularity, or conforming to the current norm or trend.

The purpose here is not to criticize the actual education system, as it is simply a by-product of our current society and its values. We're all doing the best we can right now. I know many wonderful teachers who give their hearts and souls to their students daily. Many children thrive in schools, and as the world becomes more conscious, I believe our social structures will radically change as well. In the meantime, I am grateful to have the option to enjoy this very special time with my kids.

Simply watching the daily news is enough to see that we live in a world that values productivity and relentless hard work above joy, well-being and inner-peace; competition over sharing and cooperation; success over compassion and mindfulness; materialism over spirituality. There is hope for the future, as we are changing it this very instant with our collective thoughts and intentions. But are we aware of this? Are our children aware of the power they hold?

Here, in our humble home and school, we learn that the most effective and direct way to change the world is to start by changing ourselves first -to fully embody the changes we wish to see outside of ourselves-, as Gandhi expressed so eloquently. So each day, we learn with love, with presence, with patience and forgiveness. We learn to love and accept ourselves fully so that we may love others unconditionally. We aim to raise our level of consciousness so that the world may also become a wee bit more aware and loving. Class is never dismissed at our school of life. Thanks for reading!

P.S. I recently wrote about emotional intelligence and self-regulation in a printable document called "Dealing with Strong Negative Emotions: A Guide for Parents and Teachers." It is free to download on my website.

All the best,

Lise Villeneuve
Creator of Conscious Kids (aussi disponible en français!)
www.lisevilleneuve.com

How To Help Our Loved Ones During a Crisis

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part Two:

Helping Our Loved Ones Through an Emotional Storm

In Part 1 of this article, we reviewed the following five points:

1) All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important, especially the negative ones!

2) To instantly have a good idea of where you are on the scale of emotions, simply notice how you are feeling in your body.

3) Everyone can learn to move themselves up the scale of emotions by choosing better-feeling thoughts or actions, or by releasing pent-up emotions.

4) Don’t try to escape or ignore negative emotions, even if they are often inconvenient and uncomfortable. They are sending you an important message. Make the appropriate changes and move on.

5) Don’t get sucked in. Negativity is highly addictive and contagious, so don’t dwell there too long. Be aware of the secret pleasurable payoff our egos get from negativity.

It's Not What You Think!

Understanding and practising these five essential points about emotions will already bring us a huge sense of empowerment and well-being. It's important to educate ourselves - and especially our children about emotional literacy, because many would-be emotional outbursts can be prevented simply by applying these five life-changing principles. As radical as this might sound to many, we have much more control over the way we feel than we might think. Emotional resilience and self-regulation are skills that can be learned and perfected. When we have the courage to work through our emotions consciously, the end result is invulnerability and imperturbability. These are definitely enviable assets in such a volatile and unpredictable world.

What can we do?

This next section is all about helping our loved ones through their tough emotions. How can we help them prevent outbursts? What is the true cause of an emotional crisis? When a storm hits, what can we do to make it easier for them? What attitudes should we adopt? What is going on internally and externally?

1.   Teach and Practice Prevention First

If we can increase our awareness of where we find ourselves on the scale of emotions at any given moment - and we learn how to catch ourselves when we are headed towards a negative spiral - we can adjust our thoughts and actions accordingly and maybe even avoid a crisis. The key is to practice this technique when we are feeling calm and centered, or when we are not completely emotionally overwhelmed. If we get to that point of overwhelm, then it's often too late to turn things around and avoid a crash because the negative emotions have built up too much momentum. So when it's too late for prevention, or when life unexpectedly hits us or our loved ones with a major challenge, what's the best way to deal with an emotional storm?

2. Understand the Real Cause

It’s crucial to understand the real cause behind any emotional upset. This will probably surprise and maybe even shock a few people. You have been warned! The ego will not like this one bit. It will strongly resist, but try to keep an open mind. As surprising as this may sound, the true source, or cause, of all our feelings (positive and negative) is always internal and not external. In other words, people or circumstances can’t make us feel anything unless those emotions are already present inside us. This is best explained by the brilliant psychiatrist Dr. David Hawkins, who wrote:

"The rationalizing mind prefers to keep the true causes of emotions out of awareness and utilizes the mechanism of projection to do this. It blames events or other people for "causing" a feeling and views itself as the helpless innocent victim of external causes. "They made me angry." "He got me upset." "It scared me." "World events are the cause of my anxiety." Actually, it's the exact opposite. The suppressed and repressed feelings seek an outlet and utilize the events as triggers and excuses to vent themselves. We are like pressure-cookers ready to release steam when the opportunity arises. Our triggers are set and ready to go off. In psychiatry, this mechanism is called displacement. It is because we are angry that events "make" us angry. If, through constant surrendering, we have let go of the pent-up store of anger, it is very difficult and, in fact, even impossible for anyone or any situation to "make" us angry. The same, therefore, goes for all other negative feelings once they have been surrendered."

What happens in the case of an emotional crisis is that a trigger (often external) taps into a major area of suppressed or repressed (unconscious) feelings. This can create a sense of overload to the conscious mind. Strong emotions, accompanied by irrational behaviours sometimes follow.

3.   Address the Internal Problem First

What does this mean? It means that we have to own our feelings. It means that we are 100% responsible for the way we feel inside, and there is no point in blaming anyone or anything. However, this does not mean that we have to fully agree and accept everything. We are free to speak up, to act and to fix the problems "out there", but we will have much greater power to do so if we fix our emotional wounds "in here" first. We can firmly demand change without being stuck and blinded by our own anger, rage, or hatred. Once we understand this for ourselves, we can help our loved ones untangle their internal and external issues. Let me explain...

If our child or our friend feels intense emotional discomfort, there are likely two factors to consider, or two facets to work on simultaneously:  the possible external triggers - or problems they have to deal with (a bully, a break up, getting fired...etc) and their internal emotional state (fear, low self-esteem, anxiety...etc). There are really two issues going on: their internal pain, and the trigger, or the external problem. We are conditioned to believe that the problem has caused the internal emotional pain, but remember that it has only aggravated it, not caused it. You might be able to work through the internal and external issues simultaneously, but the first priority should be to acknowledge and validate the feelings your loved one is experiencing, then allow them to calm down. Help them verbally express what they are feeling. You can say something like "I can see that you are feeling some________ and this must be difficult for you. Take a minute to breathe, calm down, and then we'll talk about it."

4.   Remember, It’s Not About You

The first question to ask ourselves when a loved one is having an emotional outburst is "do I really want to help my child / student / friend, or do I want to be right and appear to be in control?" At first, the answer might seem obvious, but beware! Strong negative emotions are highly contagious and if you’re not anchored in awareness right from the start, your ego might begin to take things personally and feel threatened. You don’t want to get triggered too, because that will complicate the situation even more. So if you really want to help, be willing to accept a bruised ego. Things will likely get messy, so take a deep breath, stay present, and remain as neutral and calm as possible. Remember, no matter what - despite the hurtful words or disrespectful behaviours that may be coming your way - that in the midst of their outburst, it's really not about you. They might be projecting their negative feelings onto you, but it's really about them dealing with overwhelming emotions. It's about them losing control and needing help to find clarity again. It's about them crying for help in a desperate way, because in that moment, they just don't know what else to do. Try to calm them down and show them that you understand what they are feeling. Try to "be on their side” as much as possible and help them to manage their raw, uncensored feelings.

5.   Accept What Has Happened

Many times, when people act in ways we don’t approve of, we think to ourselves something along the lines of "they SHOULD have known better than to act this way." This kind of thinking is not helpful or even true, because the fact is, they have already acted out. Despite the judgements we often have about others, everyone is always trying to do the best they can at any given moment. If they could have acted in a more appropriate way, they would have, but they didn’t. Human behaviours and emotions are complex, and very often, we are driven by unconscious drives. So focus on what is right here, right now. Help your loved one get back to a place of emotional balance, and then you can give consequences for the bad behaviours – but you can do this without being angry. This is no time to desert, ignore or shame the ones we love, as tempting as it might be for our egos to show them ‘who’s the boss.’ Hopefully next time, things will be better.

6.   Be a Catalyst For Healing
One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is to help them release those heavy, suppressed negative emotions that have been a burden for far too long. This emotional pain we all carry negatively affects our energy, our health, our creativity and our overall well-being. The only way to permanently release negative emotions is to face them consciously. So the next time a crisis happens under your watch, you have a choice. You can either consider it an inconvenience and a nuisance, telling your loved ones to “get their act together” and push those feelings way back down again, or you can help them heal. You can teach them how to release those feelings; you can offer them clarity and compassion; you can guide them through the discomfort so that they come out of the storm lighter and brighter. What an empowering act of Love! 

    In Part 3, I will give you practical tools and techniques to release negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom. In the meantime, you will find plenty of resources on my website: www.lisevilleneuve.com

Thanks for reading!

Lise

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Why do we feel emotions? What is their purpose? Is it really possible to teach kids how to self-regulate their moods? How should we deal with the tantrums and meltdowns caused by negative emotions? How should we manage our own negative emotions that feel so uncomfortable? In this 3-part article about emotional intelligence, we will explore all these questions, and much more.

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom

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Part one: 

Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Most of us have been conditioned to love and value our positive emotions, but we avoid our negative emotions like the plague! We run away from them, we hide them from ourselves, we project them onto other people, and we even feel ashamed or guilty when these negative emotions catch up with us. Why do we do this? Nobody can feel only positive emotions all the time, so we should give ourselves a break. We’re only human, and that means we get to experience the full spectrum of emotions: positive and negative. (Below is Robert Plutchik's wheel of emotions).

As promised, here are the Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions:

1. All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important -especially the negative ones! They are not "wrong" and nobody should feel guilty or ashamed about the way they feel. Remember that our feelings and our behaviours are two different things. You can correct behaviours without shaming the feelings behind them.

2. Emotions are at the heart of our internal guidance system. Feelings create thousands of thoughts, and these thoughts then generate more feelings and emotions. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. Our emotions are directly transferred and felt in our body. Positive emotions will make us feel good, relaxed, open, energized and inspired, whereas negative emotions will make us feel tense, constricted, closed, lethargic, sluggish and drained. So by paying attention to the way you feel in your body, (open or closed, good or bad) you’ll always know if you’re in a positive or negative emotional state. How do you feel now?

3. The emotional states we experience are not random at all. Emotions have been classified in a scale of emotions, from the lowest states to the highest. It's very difficult to make a sudden jump from the lower levels (such as depression) directly to the highest levels (such as optimism or joy), or the other way around. Our emotional states fluctuate during the day, gradually moving up or down the scale. Here’s the good news! We can change how we feel with our thoughts, our actions and our focus. To do this, we just need to reach for a better-feeling thought, or an action that will bring us joy. Try it now. Think about something that makes you smile. Breathe in that feeling. You have just moved yourself up one notch on the scale of emotions! It’s very simple. If we learn to pay attention to how we’re feeling in our body at any given moment –and we do our best to keep ourselves up in the more positive range of emotions on the scale, we won’t suddenly be ambushed by strong negative feelings. However, when the negative emotions do show up, that’s ok! They serve a very important purpose and they should not be ignored.

4. Negative emotions tell us when we're off track, or out of alignment with the wisdom of our higher-Selves. Negative emotions are like a wake-up call. They are telling us that we are now quite low on the scale of emotions and it would be wise to slowly climb back up by either changing our actions or our thoughts. It’s also possible that some old unresolved emotions have been stirred up again. If that’s the case, we can decide if we’d like to work on releasing those suppressed emotions, or if the timing is not appropriate, we can shift our focus to better-feeling thoughts or actions and come back to these at a later time.

5. Everyone experiences negative emotions sooner or later, but we don’t have to stay stuck in negativity. Beware! Negativity can be highly addictive and contagious, so you don’t want to dwell there. It’s addictive because it offers a secret, pleasurable payoff to the ego. Unchecked, it will quickly pick up momentum and generate more negativity. Remember: the purpose of negative emotions is to make us aware that we are heading in the wrong direction, or that something needs to be released if we want to move forward and feel good again. Once we have gotten the message and made the appropriate changes, we can start to move back up the scale of emotions to a better-feeling state. Sometimes –like in the case of grief, or severe depression, the healing process can take some time, so we have to be patient with ourselves. Having an attitude of surrender and acceptance of whatever feelings we are experiencing accelerates the process. If we resist our negative feelings, we can’t heal them, because we’re just trying to escape. Instead, these feelings have to be willingly released. I will be giving more details about releasing negative feelings in the following sections.

In short:

1)     All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important, especially the negative ones!

2)    To instantly have a good idea of where you are on the scale of emotions, simply notice how you are feeling in your body. Feeling good / open means you are experiencing positive emotions (#7 and up on the scale), feeling any kind of tension or resistance means you are experiencing negative emotions (#8 and down on the scale).

3)     Everyone can learn to move themselves up the scale of emotions by choosing better-feeling thoughts or actions, or by releasing pent-up emotions.

4)     Don’t try to escape or ignore negative emotions, even if they are often inconvenient and uncomfortable. They are sending you an important message. Make the appropriate changes and move on.

5)     Don’t get sucked in. Negativity is highly addictive and contagious, so don’t dwell there too long. Be aware of the secret pleasurable payoff our egos get from negativity. Nevertheless, it feels much better to be in a state of joy and peace. Anyone can get there. It just takes a little will and courage.

Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3. In part 2, we’ll discuss what you can do to help a loved one navigate through an emotional storm. Part 3 is all about practical tools and techniques to help you deal with negative emotions at home, at work or in the classroom.

In the meantime, if you’d like some extra resources to teach children about emotional intelligence (mindfulness), I’ve written a complete program called Conscious Kids / Enfants Lucides. The lessons are taught through creative short stories, followed by fun activities that can be done at home or in the classroom. 

Level 1 covers:

- The relationship between thoughts and emotions;

- How to move ourselves up the scale of emotions;

- How to deal with strong negative emotions, and more. 

Thanks for reading! Coming soon is Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm.

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com