Wednesday, February 21, 2018

C'est quoi au juste, le succès?

I usually write my blog posts in English, but this week I wanted to share a very personal story that I happened to write en français. It's about my music career and how it led me down a difficult but beautiful path of awakening. I'd like to thank everyone who graciously offered to give me their grammatical and personal feedback on this story: Marie-Claude, Lucien, Jeannine, Gwénaëlle, Nevena, Clarisse et Yvon.

C'est quoi au juste, le succès?
À peine sortie des bras de Morphée, encore désincarnée entre deux mondes, il m’a murmuré d’un ton ferme : « Il est temps de quitter le confort d’Edmonton pour aller faire carrière en chanson à Montréal. » À cette époque, je lui obéissais religieusement, puisque j’étais encore incapable de distinguer sa voix de la mienne. Motivée par ses promesses de succès, d’aventure et de reconnaissance, j’ai fait mes bagages la gorge serrée, puis j’ai quitté le nid familial sans regarder en arrière.
Comme un bon gérant qui voyait clairement les escaliers à franchir pour arriver au sommet, il me poussait impitoyablement. Cela n’a pas été facile à Montréal. La solitude, le doute et la pauvreté s’accrochaient à moi comme des parasites importuns. Lorsque je rentrais à trois heures du matin – épuisée d’avoir chanté dans les bars enfumés pour quelques minables dollars – il m’assurait que mes efforts seraient bientôt récompensés de façon exponentielle.

Je voulais juste me sentir bien, être en paix, heureuse, quoi ! Il me fredonnait toujours le même refrain :
« Ton bonheur s’en vient, il approche à grands pas !
Bientôt, LA bonne personne te découvrira.
Fais connaître tes chansons à travers des concours.
Persévère et le succès viendra bien un jour. »

J’étais peut-être encore trop jeune pour remettre en question sa définition du succès, surtout qu’elle semblait être universellement acceptée : « Le fait d’obtenir une audience nombreuse et favorable, d’être connue du public. » J’étais si naïve que je le prenais pour ma bonne conscience. Lorsqu’il me promettait que le succès et la reconnaissance assureraient mon bien-être, je le croyais. J’ai donc persévéré à travers les orages.
Le beau temps est enfin arrivé au printemps 2003. J’ai gagné le gros lot : premier prix d’un concours international de chanson francophone à Paris. Soudainement, j’étais devenue quelqu’un. Cette sensation de soulagement profond, de fierté et d’accomplissement était fantasmagorique ! Dommage que mon extase n’ait duré que le temps d’une soirée bien arrosée au champagne. Dès le lendemain, ma nouvelle valeur perçue attirait les producteurs de disques comme la lumière attire les moustiques. Ce qui piquait ma curiosité, c’était par quels moyens ils prévoyaient me convertir en profit. Bien consciente de leur jeu, j’ai gardé mon sang-froid.
Cette semaine-là, à Paris, j’étais complètement misérable. Déstabilisée par mes émotions extrêmes, j’étais incapable de dormir, sans appétit et totalement désorientée. Je n’ai même pas eu la chance d’aller visiter ma copine, la grande Eiffel. « C’est cela, le succès ? » me suis-je demandé, en attendant en vain une réponse. C’est à ce moment là que j’ai commencé à douter de tout. Cette voix qui me flagellait en me promettant simultanément la gloire et le bonheur, était-ce vraiment ma conscience, ma bonne fée marraine ? J’avais suivi ses conseils à la lettre. Pourquoi, alors, ce « succès » tant attendu me causait-il autant de tourments ? Horrifiée à l’idée d’avoir aveuglément obéi à ce dictateur dans ma tête pendant tant d’années, je l’ai confronté : « Qui es-tu ? » Démasqué, il devint muet. Étais-je en train de devenir folle ?

De retour à Montréal, le précieux trophée Charles-Trenet  que j’avais délicatement emballé dans ma valise  était en morceaux - tout comme moi. L’anxiété devint ma nouvelle coloc. Elle me suivait partout et me tombait véritablement sur les nerfs ! Malgré tout, je peux remercier ma névrose de m’avoir incitée à faire un grand voyage intérieur. Ironiquement, c’est elle qui a fait germer en moi les premiers semis de lucidité et de sagacité. J’ai tout questionné. Qui était le tyran dans ma tête ? Moi, j’étais qui au juste ? C’était quoi, le bonheur ? Et le succès, lui ?
Je me suis perdue dans des livres qui m’ont révélé des secrets bouleversants. J’ai constaté à quel point j’avais vécu comme une somnambule enivrée par un état d’ignorance totale. Le tyran radotait encore, mais maintenant, je voyais son jeu. Machiavélique, il tentait de me séduire avec tout ce qui m’éloignerait d'un bien-être authentique et durable. Ma crédulité s'étant muée en discernement, je pouvais enfin entendre et observer cet imposteur sans devoir lui obéir comme un pantin. Peu à peu, j’ai réussi à baisser le volume de sa cacophonie d’insécurités et d’indignations incessantes. Comme le silence me soulageait !
Quelques mois après cet éveil brutal, j’étais encore troublée, tiraillée entre mes ambitions artistiques et spirituelles. J'étais encore sous l’emprise de mes vieux programmes et conditionnements de somnambule, cependant une force à la fois puissante et familière émergeait en moi. Suite à ce feu qui avait ravagé mes vieilles croyances, mon jardin intérieur était redevenu riche et fertile. Beaucoup de fleurs y ont poussé. L’inspiration coulait abondamment et donnait vie à des chansons infusées d’amour, de lumière et de liberté.

J’ignore exactement comment, mais je sentais avec certitude que j’allais être invitée à chanter dans plusieurs pays. Je n’étais plus poussée par la peur et le manque de l’imposteur, mais plutôt motivée par l’envie de partager mon nouveau bouquet de fleurs musicales. C’est peut-être cette nouvelle attitude confiante de laisser-aller qui a fait en sorte que ma prémonition s’est manifestée presque miraculeusement. Sans même leur en faire la demande, ce sont les ambassades canadiennes à l’étranger qui m’ont organisé une tournée internationale à faire mourir d’envie les artistes émergeants comme moi !
C’était complètement irréel ! Un rêve devenu réalité ! Un soir après l’autre, je me retrouvais sur la scène, en tête-à-tête intime avec un élégant piano à queue revêtu d'un smoking. J'invitais des centaines de spectateurs à entrer en résonance avec moi dans mon univers de mélodies éthérées. J’ignorais qu’il y avait autant de passionnés de la langue de Molière dans des pays comme la Chine, les Philippines, l’Arabie Saoudite, le Koweït, les Emirats Arabes Unis, la Jordanie,  le Viêt Nam et même la Syrie.
C’était en 2004, et j’avais l’impression d’avoir été insérée subitement dans la vie de quelqu’un d’autre. Je suis passée de l’anonymat total au Québec à la gloire soudaine à l’étranger : des fans hystériques, des bouquets floraux, des entrevues à la radio et à la télévision, des hôtels cinq étoiles, des chauffeurs privés et des invitations aux réceptions des différents ambassadeurs du Canada. C’était comme si cette tournée avait été conçue et manufacturée pour quelqu’un – la variable X –  qui allait temporairement jouer le rôle de « Star » à l’international. Curieusement, c’est moi qui ai obtenu le rôle ! C’était hallucinant !

Etre quelqu’un offrait certainement de nombreux bénéfices et avantages, mais la sonnerie imminente du dernier coup de minuit me hantait. Je savais bien que le retour à la réalité serait difficile, presque cruel, suite à cette tournée idyllique. Je ne m’attendais pas à ce que la transition de mon carrosse enchanté au métro de Montréal soit particulièrement agréable. Toutefois, ce qui me terrifiait le plus, c’était la réalisation que j’étais au summum de ma carrière musicale, et que dans seulement trois mois, j’allais devoir tout laisser tomber pour devenir… maman ! Mon prince était à mes côtés, mais cette tournure d’événements n’était pas prévue dans notre conte de fée. L’avenir était très incertain dans notre royaume.
Nourri par mon inquiétude grandissante, le tyran que j’avais temporairement réussi à taire s’est remis à crier : « Pas question d’abandonner ta carrière maintenant ! » Bébé grandissait en moi, tout comme mon amertume, ma résitance et ma peur. Du haut de mon apogée, j’ai perdu l’équilibre puis sombré dans les ténèbres du désespoir. Pendant des mois, je ne comprenais pas du tout ce qui m’arrivait. Ma seule certitude, c’était que je n’avais plus le contrôle sur ma vie. J’ai vraiment été mise à l’épreuve. Allais-je succomber aux désirs égoïstes du redoutable tyran, ou serais-je capable d’entendre la voix de ma sagesse intérieure ?
Éventuellement,  la lumière a chassé l’obscurité. Peu à peu, j’ai lâché prise. J’ai laissé tomber toutes mes idées préconçues, j’ai fait le deuil de ma carrière, je me suis donné la permission d’être personne, juste une maman. La maternité m’a arraché tous mes masques. Dénudée, j’ai laissé s’envoler le passé et toutes ces ambitions futures qui me rendaient profondément anxieuse. J'ai abandonné mon navire chaviré pour enfin me laisser emporter par le courant -sans veste de sauvetage. Il ne me restait que l’instant présent.

A ma grande surprise, j’ai découvert une paix intérieure et une joie de vivre absolument délicieuses ! Je pouvais faire confiance à cette force de vie bienveillante qui me protégeait et me guidait. J’avais tant d’amour pour mon adorable princesse que je n’avais plus le moindre désir de rechercher l’approbation des autres à travers des spectacles. Cette idée du succès me semblait tellement vide et superficielle dans mon nouvel état de quiétude amoureuse. Enfin, après de nombreuses années, j’ai finalement appris la leçon qui m’était destinée : le véritable succès se mesure par notre niveau de joie et de paix intérieure.

Aujourd’hui, je suis de retour à Edmonton. Le prince et moi vivons une vie paisible et joyeuse avec nos deux beaux enfants. J’espère pouvoir leur apprendre à reconnaître et à dompter leur tyran intérieur, parce que oui, nous en avons tous un ! Si on l’écoute, on peut tomber dans ses pièges de malheur. On peut passer notre vie à essayer d’être quelqu’un qui est supposément plus honorable, plus influent. On risque alors de chasser le succès aveuglément et de rechercher le bonheur à l’extérieur de soi. En réalité, nous sommes déjà ce que nous recherchons désespérément. Le trésor se trouve à l’intérieur et il est accessible à tous ici et maintenant.

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com





Tuesday, February 13, 2018

A Story About True Love (and chocolate)


For Valentine's Day, I thought it would be fun to share a little story I wrote for the Conscious Kids Mindfulness Program with you. It's a story about true love - a notion many of us mix up with attachment. Whether you have a partner or not on Valentine's Day, remember that Love is what you're made of, so there is no need to look for it outside of yourself. However, chocolate is one of those things that is harder to find within ;)

All jokes aside, I hope you enjoy this story!

A Lesson in True Love

Unfortunately, the town of Lonesome had the highest divorce rate on the planet (98%). The citizens of Lonesome had a meeting one day and agreed that something had to be done about this, for the sake of their children and grandchildren. One man had heard about a wonderful True Love teacher who worked in a nearby town called Mystic. Surprisingly, Mystic had the lowest divorce rate on the planet (7%).

The Lonesome man proposed “since the people in Mystic seem to have figured out how to make relationships last, maybe we should contact their True Love teacher and ask if he’d be willing to move here and help us. It sounds like there’s not much work left for him to do in Mystic anyway.”

The following week, this new teacher – Mr. Hawkins – was giving his first True Love lesson at Sacred Heart School in Lonesome. The walls and ceiling of his classroom were decorated with giant hearts, and there were many pictures of people posted everywhere. There were pictures of people hugging and looking happy together, pictures of people getting married, as well as pictures of people fighting and arguing.

He asked the class “can anyone tell me what love is?”

Maria raised her hand. “Love is an emotion we sometimes feel when we’re around someone we really, really like.”

“Who agrees with Maria?” Mr. Hawkins asked the class. “Raise your hand if you do.”

Every single person in the class raised their hands. “Wrong!” said Mr. Hawkins. “You are all wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!”

“Nice effort, Maria,” he continued. “What you said is exactly what most people in the world believe. It turns out that love is not an emotion at all. Repeat after me, class: love is not an emotion. Love is not an emotion. Love is not an emotion.”

At this point, the students thought Mr. Hawkins was a little strange. “Do you want to know what love is?” asked Mr. Hawkins. The students were unenthusiastic. He walked around the class with a box full of large rings and distributed them to every student.

To read the rest of this story from Conscious Kids, Lesson V, ****CLICK HERE****.

Thanks for reading, and lots of LOVE to you!

P.S. If you'd like more mindfulness stories for kids with practical activities, check out Conscious Kids. And if you receive too much chocolate, please send it my way.

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Friday, February 9, 2018

When the Steam is About to Blow...





Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom.
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Part Three:
Practical Solutions When the Steam is About To Blow

Part 2 of this article was about what we can do to help our loved ones through an emotional storm. We went over the following five points:

1) Start by teaching and practising prevention of negative emotional states;
2) Understand the real cause behind any emotional upset;
3) Address the internal, emotional problem first;
4) Remember to anchor yourself, don't take things personally, and
5) Be a catalyst for healing

If you've read parts one and two of this article, you will probably know the answer to this question: what is the best and only way to permanently release our negative emotions?

The Best Way to Deal with Negative Emotions
The answer is to face them consciously. That means fully feeling the emotions without adding more thoughts to them. It means observing and breathing out this wave of emotional energy as it passes through our body. Instead of trying to change it, attempting to escape from it, hiding it from ourselves or blaming it on external causes, we simply sit with it, surrender the uncomfortable emotions and let them go. This process of releasing can sometimes be over in just a matter of minutes, and the end result of consistently letting go of these toxic emotions will completely heal your life. It's extremely beneficial to practice this technique daily, either for minor annoyances or for deep wounds -but having access to a safe space is preferable in this case. Once the emotions have been released, it’s helpful to make a conscious decision to focus on something uplifting afterwards.

The Letting Go Upgrade
The letting go technique is surprisingly simple and powerfully effective, yet we have been conditioned to follow the “seek pleasure and avoid pain at all costs” program. When we become more conscious, we discover that we have the possibility to re-write our programming. If you’re reading this, you have already been upgrading from “Survival 101” to “Thriving 007.” You rock!

The Fine Print
BUT. When deep, dark and heavy negative emotions are stirred up, practising the letting go technique requires a safe, intimate, space. You can imagine how awkward and inappropriate it would be to "let go" in the middle of a conference call with your colleagues, in line at the grocery store or during an exam. Maybe the day will come when the world becomes so conscious that it will be socially acceptable for everyone to practice this technique in public, but until that day comes, we also need some other, less disruptive strategies to help us deal with our darkest pain -when it shows up in public!


Socially Appropriate Substitutes
If you are a parent, a teacher, or even a human being wanting to effectively release negative emotions (because we all know that parents and teachers have a certain super-human quality), you will soon discover that finding a balance between the authentic letting go technique and a more socially appropriate substitute is truly an Art. How deeply will you be able to facilitate healing while at the same time remaining practical and realistic about the environment you are currently in? Sometimes, the best we can offer is a band-aid solution, a temporary fix, but if this is done consciously, then it’s better than many alternatives - such as shaming our loved ones for the way they feel, or forcing them to suppress emotions. Also, when dealing with children who are not your own, it may be best to avoid diving in too deeply into the source of their pain, especially if there is a history of trauma.

So what are some socially appropriate substitutes to the letting go technique?


Physical Space 
Sometimes, just having a little physical space to process discomfort can go a long way. If at all possible, allow your loved one to sit quietly in a calm and comfortable area. Let them breathe it out with their eyes closed. You can remind them to just watch what is happening inside them without resisting it, or feeding it more mental energy. Gently show your support by stating that, as uncomfortable as they might feel, negative emotions are important because they give valuable feedback. You can help them verbalize their emotions and thoughts if they are open to that.


Baby Steps
When access to a quieter space is not possible, or when it's not appropriate to fully feel and release the motherload of negative emotions, you can focus on a single aspect of what's causing the discomfort (as opposed to diving deeply into it). Try to let that single thing go and then use any of the distraction ideas below to move on. For example, if you are heartbroken about a relationship ending, pick a single thing about that person you are able to let go of (such as taking walks together at lunch time). Fully feel the pain related to that specific situation, release it, and then focus on something else.

Distractions
As most of us already know very well, distraction is our best friend when it comes to avoiding our pain. Sometimes it's OK to consciously choose distraction, and we can use it as a tool with our loved ones when their environment is not appropriate for deep healing. Some great distractions are: taking a break, playing a game, having a snack, engaging in some kind of physical activity, going for a walk, listening to music, having a good laugh, talking to a friend, thinking about your latest or greatest success, noticing what's right, or doing something creative.

Beyond Emotions
Emotions and thoughts are important, but as we raise our consciousness, we start to understand that who - or what - we are, transcends even our thoughts and emotions. Ironically, as our awareness increases and we become more detached from the thoughts and emotions we used to derive our sense of identity from, the emotions we experience become increasingly positive. Why? Because as we release our negative baggage, our level of consciousness increases, and we become a match to the higher frequencies on the scale of emotions : which are all the positive emotions! Denying the presence of our negative emotions by merely thinking positively actually keeps us trapped in lower negative states. There is much healing to be done in this world, my friends, so now that we know how to help ourselves and others to release negative emotions, let's get started!

More resources:

  • A short story and relaxation meditation that teaches kids how to manage their strong negative emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson D.
  • A short story and fun activity that teaches kids about the scale of emotions and how they can self-regulate their emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson E.
  • A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the three reasons why their thoughts are so powerful: Conscious Kids, Lesson F.
  • A short story and empowering activity that teaches kids how to turn any negative situation into a positive affirmation: Conscious Kids, Lesson H.
  • A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the nature of their negative emotions, as well as what triggers them: Conscious Kids, Lesson L.
  • A short story and practical activity that teaches kids about three choices they always have that allow them to keep their cool in any situation: Conscious Kids, Lesson M.
  • A short story and powerful activity that teaches kids how to release their negative feelings: Conscious Kids, Lesson U.
Do you know of other techniques or strategies that work well to manage strong negative emotions? Don't hesitate to share them in the comments below! Thanks so much for reading!

Warm regards,

Lise Villeneuve
Creator of Conscious Kids




Friday, February 2, 2018

How To Help Our Loved Ones During a Crisis



Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom.
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Part Two:
Helping Our Loved Ones Through an Emotional Storm

In Part 1 of this article, we reviewed the following five points:

1) 
All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important, especially the negative ones!

2) To instantly have a good idea of where you are on the scale of emotions, simply notice how you are feeling in your body.

3) Everyone can learn to move themselves up the scale of emotions by choosing better-feeling thoughts or actions, or by releasing pent-up emotions.

4) Don’t try to escape or ignore negative emotions, even if they are often inconvenient and uncomfortable. They are sending you an important message. Make the appropriate changes and move on.

5) Don’t get sucked in. Negativity is highly addictive and contagious, so don’t dwell there too long. Be aware of the secret pleasurable payoff our egos get from negativity.



It's Not What You Think!
Understanding and practising these five essential points about emotions will already bring us a huge sense of empowerment and well-being. It's important to educate ourselves - and especially our children about emotional literacy, because many would-be emotional outbursts can be prevented simply by applying these five life-changing principles. As radical as this might sound to many, we have much more control over the way we feel than we might think. Emotional resilience and self-regulation are skills that can be learned and perfected. When we have the courage to work through our emotions consciously, the end result is invulnerability and imperturbability. These are definitely enviable assets in such a volatile and unpredictable world.

What can we do?
This next section is all about helping our loved ones through their tough emotions. How can we help them prevent outbursts? What is the true cause of an emotional crisis? When a storm hits, what can we do to make it easier for them? What attitudes should we adopt? What is going on internally and externally?

1.   Teach and Practice Prevention First
If we can increase our awareness of where we find ourselves on the scale of emotions at any given moment - and we learn how to catch ourselves when we are headed towards a negative spiral - we can adjust our thoughts and actions accordingly and maybe even avoid a crisis. The key is to practice this technique when we are feeling calm and centered, or when we are not completely emotionally overwhelmed. If we get to that point of overwhelm, then it's often too late to turn things around and avoid a crash because the negative emotions have built up too much momentum. So when it's too late for prevention, or when life unexpectedly hits us or our loved ones with a major challenge, what's the best way to deal with an emotional storm?



2. Understand the Real Cause
It’s crucial to understand the real cause behind any emotional upset. This will probably surprise and maybe even shock a few people. You have been warned! The ego will not like this one bit. It will strongly resist, but try to keep an open mind. As surprising as this may sound, the true source, or cause, of all our feelings (positive and negative) is always internal and not external. In other words, people or circumstances can’t make us feel anything unless those emotions are already present inside us. This is best explained by the brilliant psychiatrist Dr. David Hawkins, who wrote:

"The rationalizing mind prefers to keep the true causes of emotions out of awareness and utilizes the mechanism of projection to do this. It blames events or other people for "causing" a feeling and views itself as the helpless innocent victim of external causes. "They made me angry." "He got me upset." "It scared me." "World events are the cause of my anxiety." Actually, it's the exact opposite. The suppressed and repressed feelings seek an outlet and utilize the events as triggers and excuses to vent themselves. We are like pressure-cookers ready to release steam when the opportunity arises. Our triggers are set and ready to go off. In psychiatry, this mechanism is called displacement. It is because we are angry that events "make" us angry. If, through constant surrendering, we have let go of the pent-up store of anger, it is very difficult and, in fact, even impossible for anyone or any situation to "make" us angry. The same, therefore, goes for all other negative feelings once they have been surrendered."


What happens in the case of an emotional crisis is that a trigger (often external) taps into a major area of suppressed or repressed (unconscious) feelings. This can create a sense of overload to the conscious mind. Strong emotions, accompanied by irrational behaviours sometimes follow.



3.   Address the Internal Problem First
What does this mean? It means that we have to own our feelings. It means that we are 100% responsible for the way we feel inside, and there is no point in blaming anyone or anything. However, this does not mean that we have to fully agree and accept everything. We are free to speak up, to act and to fix the problems "out there", but we will have much greater power to do so if we fix our emotional wounds "in here" first. We can firmly demand change without being stuck and blinded by our own anger, rage, or hatred. Once we understand this for ourselves, we can help our loved ones untangle their internal and external issues. Let me explain...

If our child or our friend feels intense emotional discomfort, there are likely two factors to consider, or two facets to work on simultaneously:  the possible external triggers - or problems they have to deal with (a bully, a break up, getting fired...etc) and their internal emotional state (fear, low self-esteem, anxiety...etc). There are really two issues going on: their internal pain, and the trigger, or the external problem. We are conditioned to believe that the problem has caused the internal emotional pain, but remember that it has only aggravated it, not caused it. You might be able to work through the internal and external issues simultaneously, but the first priority should be to acknowledge and validate the feelings your loved one is experiencing, then allow them to calm down. Help them verbally express what they are feeling. You can say something like "I can see that you are feeling some________ and this must be difficult for you. Take a minute to breathe, calm down, and then we'll talk about it."



4.   Remember, It’s Not About You
The first question to ask ourselves when a loved one is having an emotional outburst is "do I really want to help my child / student / friend, or do I want to be right and appear to be in control?" At first, the answer might seem obvious, but beware! Strong negative emotions are highly contagious and if you’re not anchored in awareness right from the start, your ego might begin to take things personally and feel threatened. You don’t want to get triggered too, because that will complicate the situation even more. So if you really want to help, be willing to accept a bruised ego. Things will likely get messy, so take a deep breath, stay present, and remain as neutral and calm as possible. Remember, no matter what - despite the hurtful words or disrespectful behaviours that may be coming your way - that in the midst of their outburst, it's really not about you. They might be projecting their negative feelings onto you, but it's really about them dealing with overwhelming emotions. It's about them losing control and needing help to find clarity again. It's about them crying for help in a desperate way, because in that moment, they just don't know what else to do. Try to calm them down and show them that you understand what they are feeling. Try to "be on their side” as much as possible and help them to manage their raw, uncensored feelings.



5.   Accept What Has Happened
Many times, when people act in ways we don’t approve of, we think to ourselves something along the lines of "they SHOULD have known better than to act this way." This kind of thinking is not helpful or even true, because the fact is, they have already acted out. Despite the judgements we often have about others, everyone is always trying to do the best they can at any given moment. If they could have acted in a more appropriate way, they would have, but they didn’t. Human behaviours and emotions are complex, and very often, we are driven by unconscious drives. So focus on what is right here, right now. Help your loved one get back to a place of emotional balance, and then you can give consequences for the bad behaviours – but you can do this without being angry. This is no time to desert, ignore or shame the ones we love, as tempting as it might be for our egos to show them ‘who’s the boss.’ Hopefully next time, things will be better.


6.   Be a Catalyst For Healing
One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is to help them release those heavy, suppressed negative emotions that have been a burden for far too long. This emotional pain we all carry negatively affects our energy, our health, our creativity and our overall well-being. The only way to permanently release negative emotions is to face them consciously. So the next time a crisis happens under your watch, you have a choice. You can either consider it an inconvenience and a nuisance, telling your loved ones to “get their act together” and push those feelings way back down again, or you can help them heal. You can teach them how to release those feelings; you can offer them clarity and compassion; you can guide them through the discomfort so that they come out of the storm lighter and brighter. What an empowering act of Love! 

    In Part 3, I will give you practical tools and techniques to release negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom. In the meantime, you will find plenty of resources on my website: www.lisevilleneuve.com


Thanks for reading!

Lise