When the Steam is About to Blow...

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom.

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Part Three:

Practical Solutions When the Steam is About To Blow

Part 2 of this article was about what we can do to help our loved ones through an emotional storm. We went over the following five points:

1) Start by teaching and practising prevention of negative emotional states;

2) Understand the real cause behind any emotional upset;

3) Address the internal, emotional problem first;

4) Remember to anchor yourself, don't take things personally, and

5) Be a catalyst for healing

If you've read parts one and two of this article, you will probably know the answer to this question: what is the best and only way to permanently release our negative emotions?

The Best Way to Deal with Negative Emotions

The answer is to face them consciously. That means fully feeling the emotions without adding more thoughts to them. It means observing and breathing out this wave of emotional energy as it passes through our body. Instead of trying to change it, attempting to escape from it, hiding it from ourselves or blaming it on external causes, we simply sit with it, surrender the uncomfortable emotions and let them go. This process of releasing can sometimes be over in just a matter of minutes, and the end result of consistently letting go of these toxic emotions will completely heal your life. It's extremely beneficial to practice this technique daily, either for minor annoyances or for deep wounds -but having access to a safe space is preferable in this case. Once the emotions have been released, it’s helpful to make a conscious decision to focus on something uplifting afterwards.

The Letting Go Upgrade

The letting go technique is surprisingly simple and powerfully effective, yet we have been conditioned to follow the “seek pleasure and avoid pain at all costs” program. When we become more conscious, we discover that we have the possibility to re-write our programming. If you’re reading this, you have already been upgrading from “Survival 101” to “Thriving 007.” You rock!

The Fine Print

BUT. When deep, dark and heavy negative emotions are stirred up, practising the letting go technique requires a safe, intimate, space. You can imagine how awkward and inappropriate it would be to "let go" in the middle of a conference call with your colleagues, in line at the grocery store or during an exam. Maybe the day will come when the world becomes so conscious that it will be socially acceptable for everyone to practice this technique in public, but until that day comes, we also need some other, less disruptive strategies to help us deal with our darkest pain -when it shows up in public!

Socially Appropriate Substitutes

If you are a parent, a teacher, or even a human being wanting to effectively release negative emotions (because we all know that parents and teachers have a certain super-human quality), you will soon discover that finding a balance between the authentic letting go technique and a more socially appropriate substitute is truly an Art. How deeply will you be able to facilitate healing while at the same time remaining practical and realistic about the environment you are currently in? Sometimes, the best we can offer is a band-aid solution, a temporary fix, but if this is done consciously, then it’s better than many alternatives - such as shaming our loved ones for the way they feel, or forcing them to suppress emotions. Also, when dealing with children who are not your own, it may be best to avoid diving in too deeply into the source of their pain, especially if there is a history of trauma.

So what are some socially appropriate substitutes to the letting go technique?


Physical Space 
Sometimes, just having a little physical space to process discomfort can go a long way. If at all possible, allow your loved one to sit quietly in a calm and comfortable area. Let them breathe it out with their eyes closed. You can remind them to just watch what is happening inside them without resisting it, or feeding it more mental energy. Gently show your support by stating that, as uncomfortable as they might feel, negative emotions are important because they give valuable feedback. You can help them verbalize their emotions and thoughts if they are open to that.

Baby Steps
When access to a quieter space is not possible, or when it's not appropriate to fully feel and release the motherload of negative emotions, you can focus on a single aspect of what's causing the discomfort (as opposed to diving deeply into it). Try to let that single thing go and then use any of the distraction ideas below to move on. For example, if you are heartbroken about a relationship ending, pick a single thing about that person you are able to let go of (such as taking walks together at lunch time). Fully feel the pain related to that specific situation, release it, and then focus on something else.

Distractions
As most of us already know very well, distraction is our best friend when it comes to avoiding our pain. Sometimes it's OK to consciously choose distraction, and we can use it as a tool with our loved ones when their environment is not appropriate for deep healing. Some great distractions are: taking a break, playing a game, having a snack, engaging in some kind of physical activity, going for a walk, listening to music, having a good laugh, talking to a friend, thinking about your latest or greatest success, noticing what's right, or doing something creative.

Beyond Emotions

Emotions and thoughts are important, but as we raise our consciousness, we start to understand that who - or what - we are, transcends even our thoughts and emotions. Ironically, as our awareness increases and we become more detached from the thoughts and emotions we used to derive our sense of identity from, the emotions we experience become increasingly positive. Why? Because as we release our negative baggage, our level of consciousness increases, and we become a match to the higher frequencies on the scale of emotions : which are all the positive emotions! Denying the presence of our negative emotions by merely thinking positively actually keeps us trapped in lower negative states. There is much healing to be done in this world, my friends, so now that we know how to help ourselves and others to release negative emotions, let's get started!

More resources:

• A short story and relaxation meditation that teaches kids how to manage their strong negative emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson D.

• A short story and fun activity that teaches kids about the scale of emotions and how they can self-regulate their emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson E.

• A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the three reasons why their thoughts are so powerful: Conscious Kids, Lesson F.

• A short story and empowering activity that teaches kids how to turn any negative situation into a positive affirmation: Conscious Kids, Lesson H.

• A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the nature of their negative emotions, as well as what triggers them: Conscious Kids, Lesson L.

• A short story and practical activity that teaches kids about three choices they always have that allow them to keep their cool in any situation: Conscious Kids, Lesson M.

• A short story and powerful activity that teaches kids how to release their negative feelings: Conscious Kids, Lesson U.

Do you know of other techniques or strategies that work well to manage strong negative emotions? Don't hesitate to share them in the comments below! Thanks so much for reading!

Warm regards,

Lise Villeneuve

Creator of Conscious Kids

www.lisevilleneuve.com