Tuesday, November 24, 2015

I'm Just A Nobody


This was me a few years ago (in the attached video). At least that’s who I thought I was. I wrote songs, performed, and toured in a lot of cool places. I won some music competitions and I received a grant to produce my own album. I was even lucky enough to record a duet with the wonderful Daniel Lavoie on my CD. I was young, ambitious and determined to “make it” as an artist in the music industry.

I guess there’s nothing wrong with that, except that in my case, I eventually realized that my relentless desire to “make it” and become a “somebody” implied that deep down inside, I felt like it wasn’t ok to just be “a nobody”. I was searching for something that would ultimately make me feel better. I wanted to feel loved, accepted and validated by others. I wanted to step out of the shadows and yell “hey! I exist!” I needed to prove that I was worthy. I truly believed that my success as an artist would make me feel happy and content. Boy, was I wrong!

I climbed up the ladder of success, but the higher I got, the worse I felt. Something was off. I couldn’t just enjoy singing and writing anymore because I became obsessed with the game.  My success or failure rested entirely in the hands of a few key players in the music industry: the radio stations, the record companies, the music producers, the press agents and the media. In order to move forward in a way that was significant, I needed their approval. In a split second, these people could decide if I was star material, or completely worthless. This made me feel insecure and powerless. I knew clearly by then this was not the road to fulfilment!

I started to look deeper for answers to my insecurities, and what I discovered was that I had spent many years strengthening and repairing my damaged ego. I was very attached to this idea of “me” being a girl with brown hair, an artist with certain opinions, feelings and experiences. I had never seriously considered that maybe we, humans, were much more than our physical form. It dawned on me that my deep longing for love and peace could never be satisfied on a material level. I realized that even if I played this game of society and succeeded on a very large scale, my ego would still find a way to make me feel insecure and dissatisfied. I would still feel like I needed to do more, be more and receive more love and acceptance.

What about you? Can you relate? Are you completely content with who you are right now, or is there something in the future that you need to do, or work on, or achieve first, before you can feel completely fulfilled and at peace?

Well, that feeling sucks, doesn't it! It’s sort of like your self-worth and power are largely in the hands of others, and you can never really be content in the moment. Even when you play the game and are successful in the eyes of society, you still feel like something’s missing, something’s not quite right yet.

I felt like that for many years, until I finally understood who I really was. And who is that? Well, it turns out I’m simply the light escaping through the cracks of my ego shell. I hate to break it to you but, that’s who you are, too.

I discovered what consciousness, or awareness, was all about, and it completely changed my life for the better. Things started to really make sense. I started to feel truly empowered on a whole other level. Consciousness was my ticket to real freedom. The search for that something or someone that could fill the void was over! What a relief to finally have some clarity.

It all comes down to two choices. Either we stay attached to who we think we are on the surface and we play the game of ups and downs, successes and failures, happiness and unhappiness, me versus you; or we recognize that we are the light shining through the cracks of our individual ego shells. When we truly see ourselves as the light, we’re ok with the idea of being “a nobody” in society’s eyes, because we already know the true value of who, or what, we are. We can play the game without getting attached to the outcome. Everything becomes lighter.

So yes, I’m working on being the best nobody that I can be. I have learned so much over the years and I now enjoy teaching others about consciousness and mindfulness. It’s a humbling but incredibly beautiful and liberating journey. I believe awakening to our essential self is our true purpose here.

Namasté,

Lise

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