What I Never Had The Guts to Express...

I love these guys, Y and C. We've known each other for years, possibly even lifetimes. We used to sing and tour everywhere together. Somehow, when we are reunited -even if it's been decades- there is instant harmony between us. It's as though our individual quirks are simply allowed to be as they are, and this authenticity oozes out as a kind of glue that bonds us into whacky and joyful chemistry.

Feels Like Pretending

But to be perfectly honest, I feel the need to express something. This journey of awakening has transformed life from the inside out, and I find that my relation to "other", any other, has shifted tremendously. Now that I have found the clarity to describe my perspective in words, I'd like to share it because I know that I am not alone. However, I have often felt like I was on a very lonely road. I was unable to fully comprehend what was happening and I didn't quite understand how that affected my interactions with others. But now I see that I was simply caught in a little dance. I was being pulled from one side to the other, spinning between the perspectives of duality and oneness. Sometimes I still feel like I have to pretend, or play along to something that is complete fabrication. I want to talk about that.

My World Has Collapsed

But before we can go any further, we have to go back to the essential question. What am I ? This simple question has completely transformed how I live each day. As I have slowly been letting go of deriving a sense of identity from my mind, body, emotions or perceptions, as I have been continuously and painfully surrendering false ideas of separation, individuality and control... the world has changed. It seemed foolish and terrifying to even want to go there at first - to "lose everything" that I spent a lifetime building and polishing. But now that these superficial structures are crumbling, I can feel the wind in my hair, the sun kissing my skin, and it feels like my true home. It feels like peace. It tastes like freedom.

Never Going Back

I would never go back to living in that hypnotic trance that convinced me that I was something other than pure awareness. This truth that I have come to know is so simple, yet so easily forgotten. Our human conditioning  is so very strong, so entrenched. The world is not there to support our awakening, to encourage us to  melt into the oneness of existence. On the contrary, everything reinforces the idea of personhood and individuality. I say bullshit, because life - surrendered to the Divine - has never tasted sweeter. No need to even mix religion into this. Religion is of the mind. God doesn't need religion to exist. We don't need the mind to FEEL, to KNOW what we truly are in this very moment. We have always felt it. We are life itself, unpolluted by the misperceptions of the ego. It is powerful, pulsating and filled with love.

Yet, how we cling to this illusion that we are the "doer of actions." We cling out of fear, but once we let go, once we trust the deep wisdom that is essentially what we all are under our layers of constructs, life takes care of us. No (restless) mind, no problem. Miracles everywhere. No more "me" and "you", only blooming love. Simple.

Just a Play?

Still, everyday is like a dance, as I get pulled between duality and oneness. I forget, then I remember again and my heart fills with joy and peace. Being with the ones I love brings me back to the familiar conditioning -duality and personhood. In this perspective, I feel like I have to play along, to almost pretend, in order to relate to others in a compassionate and socially appropriate manner. Honestly, I often sense that there isn't much to converse about. The past and the future are not alive in this moment. I have no strong opinions or beliefs, I let things be as they are, and I'm not here to convince anyone of anything, because we each have our own path that will eventually lead us to that freedom that is already within. I'm quite comfortable with silence, and I don't mind listening deeply -although I do it with my entire being, not just the mind, and I won't always say what people want to hear. Sometimes it's  best to say nothing at all. I don't need to be entertained or distracted, I am quite content in solitude.

Boring, Boring, Boring...

So I guess that makes me pretty boring in the eyes of many, but that's OK. I'm not as invested in the changing forms of this world as I once was. I see people as what they truly are -pure love and unlimited consciousness. Sometimes, that makes it hard for me to buy into the little stories our minds cling to. Still, I am deeply respectful and grateful for all the wonderful people in my life - whether their acceptance is present or not.

It feels good to be able to freely express my genuine perspective, as I slowly and gracefully learn to shift from a life of duality to one of unity. I know that as these roots grow deeper and deeper into my being, eventually there will be no more dance, no more gear changes from one perspective to the other. There will only be stillness. Thanks for reading.

Much love to you,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Feeling Homesick

I must admit that lately I've been feeling a little lost. The more I commit myself to awakening, the less this physical world seems to make sense to me. I feel like our way of life here is completely backwards. From the moment we are born, we are constantly encouraged to move in the opposite direction of what brings us true peace, joy and happiness. The density of this ego-based planet is sometimes crushing. I guess that's why I decided to be here at this time, to help clean up the mess.

I know we all come from a place of Love and Unity, and sometimes I really miss Home, wherever that is. Does anyone else feel this longing? If you do, then you see the grand illusion of this physical reality as well. Thankfully, the number of people awakening these days is exponential, and together we will co-create a new world, a New Earth. We have to stay strong, united and have faith. If each one of us continues to work daily on our own awareness, our presence, our compassion for others, and if we learn to tame our minds and our negativity, this will transform the world little by little. It's already happening.

Half of me feels a little discouraged these days, yet the other half is cheering me on, trying to get more people on the consciousness team! Again, ego versus heart / spirit. I still regularly feel torn between the two polarities, especially when it comes to "fitting in" to society like everyone else. My ego has trouble accepting what my heart has been saying lately:

-"There is no need to push myself to do things that don't feel inspiring." My ego is trying to convince me that if I want to see results, it has to hurt a little, it has to be unpleasant, it has to be hard. But my heart knows that everything we create first comes from a clear intention, a thought, a feeling and THEN a physical manifestation. Taking action is one way to get things done, but not the only and easiest one. Yet, sometimes when I'm not "doing", I still feel guilty.

-"There is no need for elaborate conversations between human beings." My heart doesn't have much to say, except for "I hear you, I understand you, I love you." All the little stories of where I was, who I was, what I'm planning, what happened, what I know...etc are really just a variety of scripts written by my ego. They might be "interesting" to other egos, but increasingly, I just don't feel like opening my mouth. My ego is telling me how boring and awkward I am because I have nothing to say. However, my heart is all ears.

-"There is nothing wrong with being ordinary and living a simple, uneventful life." If I can learn to be perfectly content in each moment, no matter what circumstances I'm placed in, then I've reached my purpose on this Earth. To my heart, this is Ultimate success. Of course, my ego tells me that I should strive to "be someone", to "accomplish things", to have an exciting life. If those things happen along the journey, then great, but they are not the destination programmed in my internal GPS. Often times, we trick ourselves into believing that we will feel SO much better when...if....with...fill in the blanks. Really? I don't buy into that! The only place we can truly find lasting joy, love, peace and happiness is within, through total acceptance of the Now.

Well, I have to say I feel better already! How do you feel these days? Do you share some of my views? Do you have a completely different perspective? I would love to hear from you, so don't be shy!

Warmly,

Lise
Health Coach / Reiki Master
www.lisevilleneuve.com