I want to start off by saying that ALL of our emotions are valid, therefore feeling angry is not bad, wrong, or shameful. Obviously, how we feel and how we act are two very different things. It's important for us to find appropriate (non-violent) ways to express our anger. Some of these could include crying, talking to a friend, working out, going for a walk, doing something creative, punching a pillow...etc.
Why Do We Feel Angry?
Whenever we feel angry, it's because we feel deeply threatened. Anger actually triggers a survival mechanism in us that distances us from the perceived threat. The anger, the rage and the hatred we sometimes feel are actually self-preservation instincts that cover up our feelings of powerlessness. We hide our fear, our hurt and our insecurity by appearing "tough", loud, and in control on the outside. Anger gives us the fuel needed to get back up and fight. Makes sense so far?
What's The Vibrational Scale Of Emotions?
Look at the picture above. It's a scale of our different emotions that are in order of highest to lowest frequency (Abraham-Hicks). Remember, everything in this universe is made up of energy, including your thoughts and emotions. In other words, when you are feeling joy, empowerment, freedom and love, you are at the very top of the emotional scale. These positive emotions vibrate at a much higher, faster frequency than those of fear, grief, despair and powerlessness.
Notice that anger is placed at number 17 on the scale. As I mentioned, anger masks our true feelings of powerlessness and fear (the lowest emotions on the scale), therefore if you look at this from a vibrational perspective, feeling angry actually gives you an advantage! It allows you to move yourself back up the scale much faster than if you were to get stuck in powerlessness, depression, or despair. However, some people feel so ashamed of expressing their anger that they bypass this emotional short cut and get stuck in cycles of depression and powerlessness. Wherever you end up on the scale, it's important to find the courage to face your negative emotions, to accept them with compassion and to understand what they are trying to tell you. I'll explain what anger is trying to tell you in a minute.
What Causes Our Anger?
First, I'd like to push your boundaries a little. This may be hard to hear for some. Try to read this through the perspective of your higher-self and not the ego. Here goes! Nobody "causes" us to feel a certain way. All emotions are derived from our interpretation of "reality" and from our judgements about how things "should or should not be". Yup, it's all about what we're telling ourselves. Nobody can make us feel good or bad without our prior consent! But you knew that already, right?
What Is The Anger Telling Us?
Although it may seem like people and circumstances are making you angry and pushing your buttons, if you take a closer look, you will notice that the anger you are feeling is like an alarm going off inside you. It's trying to tell you "you're disconnected from your needs right now, and you're violating your boundaries." In other words, something is out of alignment and needs your attention and loving care. When you feel angry, stop, breathe, and ask yourself "what need of mine is not getting met right now?" Instead of lashing out at the other person in a violent and confrontational way, are you able to find the strength to articulate what hurt or saddened you, and what exactly it is you need to overcome this? This approach (as opposed to more aggressive tactics) is much more likely to get your needs met, and to keep your stress level down! You simply can't feel angry when you are connected to your needs! The anger gives you a chance to transform your thoughts.
Once you understand where your anger is coming from (your interpretation of reality) and what it means (you feel threatened because your needs are not being met), you will be able to feel in control again. Since the vibration of anger is not a particularly pleasant one (and it sucks up a lot of energy), you can consciously move yourself up the scale of emotions we previously discussed. Let me show you how.
How Can We Make Ourselves Feel Better?
This scale is an extremely helpful tool, because it allows us to understand how to gradually move ourselves from lower emotions to higher ones. How do we do this? Simply by thinking or doing something that will make us feel slightly better. For example, if you are furious, start by figuring out which need of yours has not been met. Take care of yourself, this will automatically raise your vibration. You can think about something you are looking forward to, take a deep breath, pet your dog, go outside. Do whatever feels good to you. This will move you up the scale, from anger (17) to discouragement (16), or maybe blame (15), worry (14) or doubt (13). Even though you are not feeling blissful yet, cut yourself some slack, because you are in fact slowly improving your mood! It's unrealistic to want to instantly jump from being angry to feeling fantastic!
If all of this still seems a bit abstract to you, don't worry, it shouldn't take too long until I have plenty of personal, angry examples that I can write about to help illustrate this somewhat theoretical post. :)
Warmly,
Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com
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