A Story About True Love (and chocolate)

For Valentine's Day, I thought it would be fun to share a little story I wrote for the Conscious Kids Mindfulness Program with you. It's a story about true love - a notion many of us mix up with attachment. Whether you have a partner or not on Valentine's Day, remember that Love is what you're made of, so there is no need to look for it outside of yourself. However, chocolate is one of those things that is harder to find within ;)

All jokes aside, I hope you enjoy this story!

A Lesson in True Love

Unfortunately, the town of Lonesome had the highest divorce rate on the planet (98%). The citizens of Lonesome had a meeting one day and agreed that something had to be done about this, for the sake of their children and grandchildren. One man had heard about a wonderful True Love teacher who worked in a nearby town called Mystic. Surprisingly, Mystic had the lowest divorce rate on the planet (7%).

The Lonesome man proposed “since the people in Mystic seem to have figured out how to make relationships last, maybe we should contact their True Love teacher and ask if he’d be willing to move here and help us. It sounds like there’s not much work left for him to do in Mystic anyway.”

The following week, this new teacher – Mr. Hawkins – was giving his first True Love lesson at Sacred Heart School in Lonesome. The walls and ceiling of his classroom were decorated with giant hearts, and there were many pictures of people posted everywhere. There were pictures of people hugging and looking happy together, pictures of people getting married, as well as pictures of people fighting and arguing.

He asked the class “can anyone tell me what love is?”

Maria raised her hand. “Love is an emotion we sometimes feel when we’re around someone we really, really like.”

“Who agrees with Maria?” Mr. Hawkins asked the class. “Raise your hand if you do.”

Every single person in the class raised their hands. “Wrong!” said Mr. Hawkins. “You are all wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!”

“Nice effort, Maria,” he continued. “What you said is exactly what most people in the world believe. It turns out that love is not an emotion at all. Repeat after me, class: love is not an emotion. Love is not an emotion. Love is not an emotion.”

At this point, the students thought Mr. Hawkins was a little strange. “Do you want to know what love is?” asked Mr. Hawkins. The students were unenthusiastic. He walked around the class with a box full of large rings and distributed them to every student.

To read the rest of this story from Conscious Kids, Lesson V, ****CLICK HERE****.

Thanks for reading, and lots of LOVE to you!

P.S. If you'd like more mindfulness stories for kids with practical activities, check out Conscious Kids. And if you receive too much chocolate, please send it my way.

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

When the Steam is About to Blow...

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom.

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Part Three:

Practical Solutions When the Steam is About To Blow

Part 2 of this article was about what we can do to help our loved ones through an emotional storm. We went over the following five points:

1) Start by teaching and practising prevention of negative emotional states;

2) Understand the real cause behind any emotional upset;

3) Address the internal, emotional problem first;

4) Remember to anchor yourself, don't take things personally, and

5) Be a catalyst for healing

If you've read parts one and two of this article, you will probably know the answer to this question: what is the best and only way to permanently release our negative emotions?

The Best Way to Deal with Negative Emotions

The answer is to face them consciously. That means fully feeling the emotions without adding more thoughts to them. It means observing and breathing out this wave of emotional energy as it passes through our body. Instead of trying to change it, attempting to escape from it, hiding it from ourselves or blaming it on external causes, we simply sit with it, surrender the uncomfortable emotions and let them go. This process of releasing can sometimes be over in just a matter of minutes, and the end result of consistently letting go of these toxic emotions will completely heal your life. It's extremely beneficial to practice this technique daily, either for minor annoyances or for deep wounds -but having access to a safe space is preferable in this case. Once the emotions have been released, it’s helpful to make a conscious decision to focus on something uplifting afterwards.

The Letting Go Upgrade

The letting go technique is surprisingly simple and powerfully effective, yet we have been conditioned to follow the “seek pleasure and avoid pain at all costs” program. When we become more conscious, we discover that we have the possibility to re-write our programming. If you’re reading this, you have already been upgrading from “Survival 101” to “Thriving 007.” You rock!

The Fine Print

BUT. When deep, dark and heavy negative emotions are stirred up, practising the letting go technique requires a safe, intimate, space. You can imagine how awkward and inappropriate it would be to "let go" in the middle of a conference call with your colleagues, in line at the grocery store or during an exam. Maybe the day will come when the world becomes so conscious that it will be socially acceptable for everyone to practice this technique in public, but until that day comes, we also need some other, less disruptive strategies to help us deal with our darkest pain -when it shows up in public!

Socially Appropriate Substitutes

If you are a parent, a teacher, or even a human being wanting to effectively release negative emotions (because we all know that parents and teachers have a certain super-human quality), you will soon discover that finding a balance between the authentic letting go technique and a more socially appropriate substitute is truly an Art. How deeply will you be able to facilitate healing while at the same time remaining practical and realistic about the environment you are currently in? Sometimes, the best we can offer is a band-aid solution, a temporary fix, but if this is done consciously, then it’s better than many alternatives - such as shaming our loved ones for the way they feel, or forcing them to suppress emotions. Also, when dealing with children who are not your own, it may be best to avoid diving in too deeply into the source of their pain, especially if there is a history of trauma.

So what are some socially appropriate substitutes to the letting go technique?


Physical Space 
Sometimes, just having a little physical space to process discomfort can go a long way. If at all possible, allow your loved one to sit quietly in a calm and comfortable area. Let them breathe it out with their eyes closed. You can remind them to just watch what is happening inside them without resisting it, or feeding it more mental energy. Gently show your support by stating that, as uncomfortable as they might feel, negative emotions are important because they give valuable feedback. You can help them verbalize their emotions and thoughts if they are open to that.

Baby Steps
When access to a quieter space is not possible, or when it's not appropriate to fully feel and release the motherload of negative emotions, you can focus on a single aspect of what's causing the discomfort (as opposed to diving deeply into it). Try to let that single thing go and then use any of the distraction ideas below to move on. For example, if you are heartbroken about a relationship ending, pick a single thing about that person you are able to let go of (such as taking walks together at lunch time). Fully feel the pain related to that specific situation, release it, and then focus on something else.

Distractions
As most of us already know very well, distraction is our best friend when it comes to avoiding our pain. Sometimes it's OK to consciously choose distraction, and we can use it as a tool with our loved ones when their environment is not appropriate for deep healing. Some great distractions are: taking a break, playing a game, having a snack, engaging in some kind of physical activity, going for a walk, listening to music, having a good laugh, talking to a friend, thinking about your latest or greatest success, noticing what's right, or doing something creative.

Beyond Emotions

Emotions and thoughts are important, but as we raise our consciousness, we start to understand that who - or what - we are, transcends even our thoughts and emotions. Ironically, as our awareness increases and we become more detached from the thoughts and emotions we used to derive our sense of identity from, the emotions we experience become increasingly positive. Why? Because as we release our negative baggage, our level of consciousness increases, and we become a match to the higher frequencies on the scale of emotions : which are all the positive emotions! Denying the presence of our negative emotions by merely thinking positively actually keeps us trapped in lower negative states. There is much healing to be done in this world, my friends, so now that we know how to help ourselves and others to release negative emotions, let's get started!

More resources:

• A short story and relaxation meditation that teaches kids how to manage their strong negative emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson D.

• A short story and fun activity that teaches kids about the scale of emotions and how they can self-regulate their emotions: Conscious Kids, Lesson E.

• A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the three reasons why their thoughts are so powerful: Conscious Kids, Lesson F.

• A short story and empowering activity that teaches kids how to turn any negative situation into a positive affirmation: Conscious Kids, Lesson H.

• A short story and creative activity that teaches kids about the nature of their negative emotions, as well as what triggers them: Conscious Kids, Lesson L.

• A short story and practical activity that teaches kids about three choices they always have that allow them to keep their cool in any situation: Conscious Kids, Lesson M.

• A short story and powerful activity that teaches kids how to release their negative feelings: Conscious Kids, Lesson U.

Do you know of other techniques or strategies that work well to manage strong negative emotions? Don't hesitate to share them in the comments below! Thanks so much for reading!

Warm regards,

Lise Villeneuve

Creator of Conscious Kids

www.lisevilleneuve.com

How To Help Our Loved Ones During a Crisis

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom.

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Part Two:

Helping Our Loved Ones Through an Emotional Storm

In Part 1 of this article, we reviewed the following five points:

1) All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important, especially the negative ones!

2) To instantly have a good idea of where you are on the scale of emotions, simply notice how you are feeling in your body.

3) Everyone can learn to move themselves up the scale of emotions by choosing better-feeling thoughts or actions, or by releasing pent-up emotions.

4) Don’t try to escape or ignore negative emotions, even if they are often inconvenient and uncomfortable. They are sending you an important message. Make the appropriate changes and move on.

5) Don’t get sucked in. Negativity is highly addictive and contagious, so don’t dwell there too long. Be aware of the secret pleasurable payoff our egos get from negativity.

It's Not What You Think!

Understanding and practising these five essential points about emotions will already bring us a huge sense of empowerment and well-being. It's important to educate ourselves - and especially our children about emotional literacy, because many would-be emotional outbursts can be prevented simply by applying these five life-changing principles. As radical as this might sound to many, we have much more control over the way we feel than we might think. Emotional resilience and self-regulation are skills that can be learned and perfected. When we have the courage to work through our emotions consciously, the end result is invulnerability and imperturbability. These are definitely enviable assets in such a volatile and unpredictable world.

What can we do?

This next section is all about helping our loved ones through their tough emotions. How can we help them prevent outbursts? What is the true cause of an emotional crisis? When a storm hits, what can we do to make it easier for them? What attitudes should we adopt? What is going on internally and externally?

1.   Teach and Practice Prevention First

If we can increase our awareness of where we find ourselves on the scale of emotions at any given moment - and we learn how to catch ourselves when we are headed towards a negative spiral - we can adjust our thoughts and actions accordingly and maybe even avoid a crisis. The key is to practice this technique when we are feeling calm and centered, or when we are not completely emotionally overwhelmed. If we get to that point of overwhelm, then it's often too late to turn things around and avoid a crash because the negative emotions have built up too much momentum. So when it's too late for prevention, or when life unexpectedly hits us or our loved ones with a major challenge, what's the best way to deal with an emotional storm?

2. Understand the Real Cause

It’s crucial to understand the real cause behind any emotional upset. This will probably surprise and maybe even shock a few people. You have been warned! The ego will not like this one bit. It will strongly resist, but try to keep an open mind. As surprising as this may sound, the true source, or cause, of all our feelings (positive and negative) is always internal and not external. In other words, people or circumstances can’t make us feel anything unless those emotions are already present inside us. This is best explained by the brilliant psychiatrist Dr. David Hawkins, who wrote:

"The rationalizing mind prefers to keep the true causes of emotions out of awareness and utilizes the mechanism of projection to do this. It blames events or other people for "causing" a feeling and views itself as the helpless innocent victim of external causes. "They made me angry." "He got me upset." "It scared me." "World events are the cause of my anxiety." Actually, it's the exact opposite. The suppressed and repressed feelings seek an outlet and utilize the events as triggers and excuses to vent themselves. We are like pressure-cookers ready to release steam when the opportunity arises. Our triggers are set and ready to go off. In psychiatry, this mechanism is called displacement. It is because we are angry that events "make" us angry. If, through constant surrendering, we have let go of the pent-up store of anger, it is very difficult and, in fact, even impossible for anyone or any situation to "make" us angry. The same, therefore, goes for all other negative feelings once they have been surrendered."

What happens in the case of an emotional crisis is that a trigger (often external) taps into a major area of suppressed or repressed (unconscious) feelings. This can create a sense of overload to the conscious mind. Strong emotions, accompanied by irrational behaviours sometimes follow.

3.   Address the Internal Problem First

What does this mean? It means that we have to own our feelings. It means that we are 100% responsible for the way we feel inside, and there is no point in blaming anyone or anything. However, this does not mean that we have to fully agree and accept everything. We are free to speak up, to act and to fix the problems "out there", but we will have much greater power to do so if we fix our emotional wounds "in here" first. We can firmly demand change without being stuck and blinded by our own anger, rage, or hatred. Once we understand this for ourselves, we can help our loved ones untangle their internal and external issues. Let me explain...

If our child or our friend feels intense emotional discomfort, there are likely two factors to consider, or two facets to work on simultaneously:  the possible external triggers - or problems they have to deal with (a bully, a break up, getting fired...etc) and their internal emotional state (fear, low self-esteem, anxiety...etc). There are really two issues going on: their internal pain, and the trigger, or the external problem. We are conditioned to believe that the problem has caused the internal emotional pain, but remember that it has only aggravated it, not caused it. You might be able to work through the internal and external issues simultaneously, but the first priority should be to acknowledge and validate the feelings your loved one is experiencing, then allow them to calm down. Help them verbally express what they are feeling. You can say something like "I can see that you are feeling some________ and this must be difficult for you. Take a minute to breathe, calm down, and then we'll talk about it."

4.   Remember, It’s Not About You

The first question to ask ourselves when a loved one is having an emotional outburst is "do I really want to help my child / student / friend, or do I want to be right and appear to be in control?" At first, the answer might seem obvious, but beware! Strong negative emotions are highly contagious and if you’re not anchored in awareness right from the start, your ego might begin to take things personally and feel threatened. You don’t want to get triggered too, because that will complicate the situation even more. So if you really want to help, be willing to accept a bruised ego. Things will likely get messy, so take a deep breath, stay present, and remain as neutral and calm as possible. Remember, no matter what - despite the hurtful words or disrespectful behaviours that may be coming your way - that in the midst of their outburst, it's really not about you. They might be projecting their negative feelings onto you, but it's really about them dealing with overwhelming emotions. It's about them losing control and needing help to find clarity again. It's about them crying for help in a desperate way, because in that moment, they just don't know what else to do. Try to calm them down and show them that you understand what they are feeling. Try to "be on their side” as much as possible and help them to manage their raw, uncensored feelings.

5.   Accept What Has Happened

Many times, when people act in ways we don’t approve of, we think to ourselves something along the lines of "they SHOULD have known better than to act this way." This kind of thinking is not helpful or even true, because the fact is, they have already acted out. Despite the judgements we often have about others, everyone is always trying to do the best they can at any given moment. If they could have acted in a more appropriate way, they would have, but they didn’t. Human behaviours and emotions are complex, and very often, we are driven by unconscious drives. So focus on what is right here, right now. Help your loved one get back to a place of emotional balance, and then you can give consequences for the bad behaviours – but you can do this without being angry. This is no time to desert, ignore or shame the ones we love, as tempting as it might be for our egos to show them ‘who’s the boss.’ Hopefully next time, things will be better.

6.   Be a Catalyst For Healing
One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is to help them release those heavy, suppressed negative emotions that have been a burden for far too long. This emotional pain we all carry negatively affects our energy, our health, our creativity and our overall well-being. The only way to permanently release negative emotions is to face them consciously. So the next time a crisis happens under your watch, you have a choice. You can either consider it an inconvenience and a nuisance, telling your loved ones to “get their act together” and push those feelings way back down again, or you can help them heal. You can teach them how to release those feelings; you can offer them clarity and compassion; you can guide them through the discomfort so that they come out of the storm lighter and brighter. What an empowering act of Love! 

    In Part 3, I will give you practical tools and techniques to release negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom. In the meantime, you will find plenty of resources on my website: www.lisevilleneuve.com

Thanks for reading!

Lise

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Why do we feel emotions? What is their purpose? Is it really possible to teach kids how to self-regulate their moods? How should we deal with the tantrums and meltdowns caused by negative emotions? How should we manage our own negative emotions that feel so uncomfortable? In this 3-part article about emotional intelligence, we will explore all these questions, and much more.

Part 1: Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm

Part 3: Practical tools and techniques to deal with negative emotions at home, at work and in the classroom

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Part one: 

Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions

Most of us have been conditioned to love and value our positive emotions, but we avoid our negative emotions like the plague! We run away from them, we hide them from ourselves, we project them onto other people, and we even feel ashamed or guilty when these negative emotions catch up with us. Why do we do this? Nobody can feel only positive emotions all the time, so we should give ourselves a break. We’re only human, and that means we get to experience the full spectrum of emotions: positive and negative. (Below is Robert Plutchik's wheel of emotions).

As promised, here are the Top 5 Life-Changing Facts About Emotions:

1. All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important -especially the negative ones! They are not "wrong" and nobody should feel guilty or ashamed about the way they feel. Remember that our feelings and our behaviours are two different things. You can correct behaviours without shaming the feelings behind them.

2. Emotions are at the heart of our internal guidance system. Feelings create thousands of thoughts, and these thoughts then generate more feelings and emotions. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. Our emotions are directly transferred and felt in our body. Positive emotions will make us feel good, relaxed, open, energized and inspired, whereas negative emotions will make us feel tense, constricted, closed, lethargic, sluggish and drained. So by paying attention to the way you feel in your body, (open or closed, good or bad) you’ll always know if you’re in a positive or negative emotional state. How do you feel now?

3. The emotional states we experience are not random at all. Emotions have been classified in a scale of emotions, from the lowest states to the highest. It's very difficult to make a sudden jump from the lower levels (such as depression) directly to the highest levels (such as optimism or joy), or the other way around. Our emotional states fluctuate during the day, gradually moving up or down the scale. Here’s the good news! We can change how we feel with our thoughts, our actions and our focus. To do this, we just need to reach for a better-feeling thought, or an action that will bring us joy. Try it now. Think about something that makes you smile. Breathe in that feeling. You have just moved yourself up one notch on the scale of emotions! It’s very simple. If we learn to pay attention to how we’re feeling in our body at any given moment –and we do our best to keep ourselves up in the more positive range of emotions on the scale, we won’t suddenly be ambushed by strong negative feelings. However, when the negative emotions do show up, that’s ok! They serve a very important purpose and they should not be ignored.

4. Negative emotions tell us when we're off track, or out of alignment with the wisdom of our higher-Selves. Negative emotions are like a wake-up call. They are telling us that we are now quite low on the scale of emotions and it would be wise to slowly climb back up by either changing our actions or our thoughts. It’s also possible that some old unresolved emotions have been stirred up again. If that’s the case, we can decide if we’d like to work on releasing those suppressed emotions, or if the timing is not appropriate, we can shift our focus to better-feeling thoughts or actions and come back to these at a later time.

5. Everyone experiences negative emotions sooner or later, but we don’t have to stay stuck in negativity. Beware! Negativity can be highly addictive and contagious, so you don’t want to dwell there. It’s addictive because it offers a secret, pleasurable payoff to the ego. Unchecked, it will quickly pick up momentum and generate more negativity. Remember: the purpose of negative emotions is to make us aware that we are heading in the wrong direction, or that something needs to be released if we want to move forward and feel good again. Once we have gotten the message and made the appropriate changes, we can start to move back up the scale of emotions to a better-feeling state. Sometimes –like in the case of grief, or severe depression, the healing process can take some time, so we have to be patient with ourselves. Having an attitude of surrender and acceptance of whatever feelings we are experiencing accelerates the process. If we resist our negative feelings, we can’t heal them, because we’re just trying to escape. Instead, these feelings have to be willingly released. I will be giving more details about releasing negative feelings in the following sections.

In short:

1)     All our emotions are valid, acceptable and important, especially the negative ones!

2)    To instantly have a good idea of where you are on the scale of emotions, simply notice how you are feeling in your body. Feeling good / open means you are experiencing positive emotions (#7 and up on the scale), feeling any kind of tension or resistance means you are experiencing negative emotions (#8 and down on the scale).

3)     Everyone can learn to move themselves up the scale of emotions by choosing better-feeling thoughts or actions, or by releasing pent-up emotions.

4)     Don’t try to escape or ignore negative emotions, even if they are often inconvenient and uncomfortable. They are sending you an important message. Make the appropriate changes and move on.

5)     Don’t get sucked in. Negativity is highly addictive and contagious, so don’t dwell there too long. Be aware of the secret pleasurable payoff our egos get from negativity. Nevertheless, it feels much better to be in a state of joy and peace. Anyone can get there. It just takes a little will and courage.

Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3. In part 2, we’ll discuss what you can do to help a loved one navigate through an emotional storm. Part 3 is all about practical tools and techniques to help you deal with negative emotions at home, at work or in the classroom.

In the meantime, if you’d like some extra resources to teach children about emotional intelligence (mindfulness), I’ve written a complete program called Conscious Kids / Enfants Lucides. The lessons are taught through creative short stories, followed by fun activities that can be done at home or in the classroom. 

Level 1 covers:

- The relationship between thoughts and emotions;

- How to move ourselves up the scale of emotions;

- How to deal with strong negative emotions, and more. 

Thanks for reading! Coming soon is Part 2: Helping our loved ones through an emotional storm.

Lise Villeneuve

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Teachers and Parents : Are Negative Emotions OK?

The Post-School Tantrums
I recently got flashed back to when our daughter came home from public school - when she was just nine years old. Very often, she would walk in the door, immediately run to her room, slam the door and be in a mood until supper time. Our son Théo often did the same thing when I picked him up from preschool. When he got home, he needed to vent all that stress and pent-up frustration he had accumulated during the day. It was only at home that he finally felt comfortable enough to let it out -thankfully. Did you ever experience this with your kids?

Model Students?
I realise now that our kids simply didn't know how to deal with their (socially unacceptable) negative emotions when these came up at school or preschool, so they did the only thing they could to not disrupt the class : they ignored the emotions, repressed them and let the pressure build up inside... until they got home.

Stress, Negative Emotions and The Brain
I've been homeschooling my kids for over six years now, and we have totally fallen in love with this way of life. For us, it means more flexibility, creativity, efficiency and autonomy. It means more fun learning and less stress. But this blog post is not about the pros and cons of homeschooling. It's about what we can do to help kids thrive in a learning environment. Many of my friends are wonderful teachers and I think it's important that we have an open and honest conversation about what we can do to help kids cope with their strong negative emotions in the classroom, as well as at home. We all intuitively know what research has proven: that stress and negative emotions are detrimental to learning.

Nobody Can Escape
BUT. Whether we want to admit it or not, most of us experience negative emotions on a daily basis, despite the fact that we highly resist the discomfort these bring. They are just a normal part of life. Kids in the classroom are not exempt from negative emotions - au contraire! Like Emma and Théo, many kids are obedient and they are eager to please their teachers or parents - but this doesn't mean they don't feel stressed out at times or are immune to experiencing strong negative emotions. In fact, the best behaved kids are probably more likely to repress and suppress their negative feelings in order to comply. All emotions that are not acknowledged, expressed or neutralised remain stuck in our bodies, so it would be extremely helpful to give students some tools, strategies and even a little physical space to help them cope with their negative emotions.

Classrooms of the Future?
Wouldn't it be life-changing to remind kids that they don't have to be ashamed, or embarrassed about the way they feel, even if they feel irritated, or angry, or scared? Wouldn't it be easier to teach a class if each student knew how to self-regulate his moods, especially when those big, scary negative emotions return? Isn't it pointless to try to force-feed information to a pupil who is emotionally overwhelmed? I know that many teachers are doing the best they can, often with overcrowded classes and tight schedules. But small, incremental changes in our attitudes towards negative emotions can start to make a big difference.

Théo's Tantrum
Wednesday this week, Théo was having a rough morning. For some reason, he was feeling very irritated -even before we sat down for school. This intense mood made it difficult for him to focus on the French lesson we were doing together. He ended up throwing his pencil across the table and yelled "I'm not doing this!" This is not typical for him. I simply said "I can see you are feeling very frustrated right now, why don't you take a little break, do something that will help you to feel better, and we'll get back to this later." I added "you know there's nothing wrong with feeling frustrated, right? It's OK if you feel this way." Théo looked a little surprised and relieved.

A Blessing In Disguise
It's in that moment that I realised how lucky I was to be able to witness the tantrums, the anger fits, and the negative self-talk when they happen. Why? Because at least our kids are comfortable enough to spontaneously express their negative thoughts and feelings -as opposed to repressing or suppressing them for fear that they might be considered disruptive, inappropriate or socially unacceptable. And rightfully so. Théo would probably never have the guts to act out like this in a classroom. Honestly, I prefer the tantrum over the repression of his feelings.

The Most Valuable Subject?
I am grateful to have the opportunity to teach kids how to honour and learn from their strong negative emotions. Science, math, French, music and social studies are all very interesting, but mindfulness may be the most important and valuable subject they ever learn.

If you'd like some mindfulness resources for kids, including how to work with strong negative emotions, please go to my website, www.lisevilleneuve.com and look for Conscious Kids or Enfants Lucides in French. I have also created a deck of free, printable mindfulness cards that is great in the classroom or at home.

Each one of us is changing the world right now.

Peace!

Lise Villeneuve
www.lisevilleneuve.com

Things I Wish I Knew: The Paradox of Pain

Things I Wish I Knew:The Paradox of Pain

I wasn’t consciously aware of it, but I have been searching my entire life for something I only recently discovered. How different things could have been had I known this earlier on! So much unnecessary suffering could have been avoided. I wasn’t even aware that I was trying to escape my pain at any cost.

Just Fitting In

Like everyone else around me, I was just doing whatever I could to avoid feeling those queasy, raw, edgy feelings of discomfort whenever they showed up. Denial, projection, repression and suppression were my strategies of choice to run away and escape from those negative feelings. I kept myself as busy and distracted as I possibly could in order to ignore or numb the underlying pain. I was fortunate enough to have a fairly normal childhood with no major trauma, yet the pain had been building up over the years, simply as a condition of living in a world that encourages and rewards disowning and projecting our negative feelings onto others.

What Problem?

Since I didn’t even know there was a problem - this denied pain I was carrying around everywhere was preventing me from experiencing true joy and inner peace - how was I to know there was a solution that could dramatically improve my quality of life? Why wasn’t I taught this simple solution in elementary school, or in University, when I got my psychology degree? Maybe it was best that I discover these things on my own, when I was ready to truly hear them. After all, I believe everything in this universe unfolds in perfect divine order. My journey into the heart of consciousness has allowed me to grow, to unlearn and to peel off many of the layers of protection I had built around myself. Now, I am happy to be able to share what I have discovered with others. And what is that?

The Exact Opposite Of What We Do

The pathway to true freedom and inner peace is so simple, yet it is counterintuitive and rather uncomfortable. We are all wired to seek pleasure and to avoid pain. Evolutionarily, this has ensured our survival. However, we are now at a stage in our evolution that allows us to soar beyond mere survival. Now more than ever before, we have the potential to thrive. We can reach levels of bliss that allow us to transcend the drama and suffering of this world. But for that, we have to stop running from our pain. There is no other way around it. We have to willingly welcome our pain and then let it go. We can learn to see pain for what it is – trapped emotions from our past – not who we are.

Breaking Free

As unpleasant and challenging as it may appear, we can all find the courage to face those uncomfortable feelings that make us squirm, hide, run, blame, judge, and sabotage ourselves. Once we become aware of the many avoidance behaviors or crutches we desperately cling to in order to push the pain away (keeping busy, alcohol, food, sex, television, isolation, projection onto others...etc), we can start to crack the walls of the prison that has been keeping our pain inside all these years. We can stop reacting to life from a place of fear and instead start to see our triggers as opportunities, or invitations to actively release the hurt we have been carrying inside for too long.

Run, Forrest, Run!

So when that queasy, edgy feeling returns, we can stay present with it instead of trying to make it go away. We can observe what’s happening inside our body and let the emotions come out instead of running from them, or demanding that people or circumstances stop poking us where it hurts. Once the negative feelings have been released and we feel ok again inside, all our energy becomes available for problem solving, for simply enjoying the moment or for actively creating the reality we choose.

Healing From The Inside Out

It takes a while to get used to it, but this process of facing and surrendering our pain can be embraced daily. At first it might feel strange and terrifying, but as you keep releasing the negative feelings and then consciously refocus attention on positive things that allow you to feel good, you will heal your life from the inside out. When we are brave enough to face our pain, we eventually become fearless. When we are fearless, all the boundaries and limits we set around ourselves crumble. Paradoxically, fully feeling and releasing our pain is the quickest way to end our individual and collective suffering.

So there you have it. Now I know... and so do you! Thanks for having taken the time to read!

With Love,

Lise

www.lisevilleneuve.com

Some People Are So Infuriating!

Warning: this is going to be a venting blog. And yes, probably the last one I write about our five kittens. Someone asked me if I would be willing to experience having kittens in our home all over again. My answer to that would be an unequivocal yes...IF it were not for one major annoyance.

What annoyance was that? Cleaning the litter? Nope. The kittens were no bother at all. Taking care of them was effortless. Believe it or not, it's the humans wanting to adopt them who have been our biggest challenge. This has been frustrating beyond words.

Don't get me wrong, as of now, all the kittens have good homes to go to. Their owners are kind, generous, trustworthy individuals. But it's taken a LOT of effort to find reliable people. I recently had to re-home two of the kittens because people either broke their commitment at the last second or they demanded to have the babies before they were promised and ready.

Today the kittens are almost ten weeks old and they are still drinking milk with their mama. Their bond is very strong and beautiful, and although mom and her kittens would probably survive being separated at this stage, it would just be wrong to pull them apart.

Right from the start, I have been very clear about when the kittens would be ready for adoption: at twelve weeks of age. Some people think all kittens are automatically weaned and ready to go at eight weeks, but it's clearly not the case with this litter.

Understandably, everyone is eager to get their kitten as soon as possible, but it's truly disappointing to see how many people put their own needs and wants before those of the animals -as though they were some kind of toy or accessory. These demanding people showed their true colours and it was a good thing, because our sweet kittens didn't end up in their claws. Meow.

As you can see, this has stirred up a lot of frustration and irritation inside me. I have come to accept that any negative emotion that surfaces does so because of an internal overload. In other words, the "bad" cat owners are not the source of my anger, they are merely the triggers of this already present anger that had been suppressed or repressed unconsciously. This trigger gave me an opportunity to become more aware of my pent-up store of anger. I guess I was like a pressure-cooker just waiting for the perfect opportunity to release steam. I feel much better now.

What's amazing is that when we constantly surrender and let go of our negative emotions as they arise, it becomes impossible for anyone or anything to "make" us angry, or sad, or frustrated, or anything. Then we are free to solve our problems with a clear mind, instead of having to deal with the emotional mess we carry inside.

If you'd like to know more about the mechanism of letting go, I highly recommend the book Letting Go, by Dr. David Hawkins.

With Love,

Lise
www.lisevilleneuve.com